2007 is coming ...

Is it possible to rock as much as this guy? Though I'm wondering if he's missing a finger on his right hand ... or if he isn't so much trying to rock but rather raise a monster from the ocean floor to destory Greenland ... or maybe it's a Michael Stipe lookalike contest ... oh, whatever, just drink!

Beating Dan To The Punch

NOW *THIS* IS FUNNY.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL!

I got something brewing...

I think I'm writing something funny for the blog here for Christmas but I'm not done yet. Let me finish finals and check back for some humour in a few days.

Before our account gets deleted ...

Since I just had the experience of hotmail dumping all my mail from the last 10 years because I don't use that account much and forgot to log in for the last 30 days, it prompted me to log in and put up a new post here.

Not much new going on out in SD but since The Sobering Conclusion is gone, I suppose I'll go back to just putting a quick piece here about what I've seen.


"Casino Royale" was a disappointment in my mind. It has the worst opening credits sequence of any Bond film, I thought the action was light with only one very good scene and the story meanders the last 30-45 minutes of the 2 & 1/2 hour film. I'd give it a 3 out of 5. I like Craig as Bond and the series has potential, but it needs a better script.

"For Your Consideration" is better than critics are giving it. While not a true mockumentary like his past films ("Best in Show", "A Mighty Wind", etc.), this Christopher Guest vehicle is consistently funny and if you liked his previous films, this is a good one to at least catch on video. The Ricky Gervais cameo could have been funnier but it's still pretty good. A 3 out of 5.

Wow ... if I can figure out how to condense everything to these paragraph answers ... crap, I'm regretting killing my site already. :)

I hate democrats...

Have a nice day!

Finally ...

Another movie has managed perhaps the most elusive rating ... check it out at The Sobering Conclusion.

And then stay far, far, FAR away from that "movie".

Ghouls make great pets!

Well, I haven't posted in a while so I thought I'd do an update on life on the Best Coast.

I'm still working at the horsey place and the cinematic experience (no names of companies for fear of lawsuit and ninja death).

The weather here is okay, been a bit chilly lately, down in the 60s ... but I have a jacket or two so everything as good as can be there.

I'm trying to keep up with movies for The Sobering Conclusion but I'm running into two problems. One, I work a metric butt-ton a week. Second, I'm starting to get complacent.

I may end up calling it quits soon ... maybe after the awards season ... maybe before. It depends on my apathy. I had a hell of a time getting the last two up on the site, just finding time to type it up was hard enough.

Maybe I'll snap out of it. Whatever ...

I need to find my absentee ballot so I can try to re-elect Schwarzenegger. Keep it real, dudes. And holla back at your boy! I think it's time we update the group on the group.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Get your UHS email accounts via Gmail

Gmail offers a new service where if you own a domain name you can get email set up through gmail using that domain name. I set it up for userhostilesoftware.com. So, if anyone wants a UHS email addy, send me a line @ ken.lombard@userhostilesoftware.com. I'll have to set you up with an account, unfortunately you can't DIY. BUT, on the bright side, since it's my domain, you can pick any name@userhostilesoftware.com you want. The sky's the limit. Enjoy.

I got your Answer...your Yahoo! Answer

I have recently found a most entertaining way to kill time while not fretting about fantasy football. It is called YAHOO! Anwers, and it must be the most entertaining site on the net. Where else can you answer questions such as:

-Who would win in a fight...the stingray that killed Steve Irwin, or the building that killed Corey Lidle?

-Is Jesus stupid? Why did he talk like Hamlet?

-Can I get fat from eating too much sperm?

I only wish I could make up stuff as good as this. Check it out at Yahoo.com

Dorito?

Nice editing on the previous post. Where the hell are you guys? Are all of you in the month long gay pride parade in Chi town or what?

Nothing new in the lou just working on getting a jobby job.

PEACE.

Brandon Routh and Anne Hathaway

For a while now, I have held the opinion that Brandon Routh and Anne Hathaway look alike. To illustrate my point, I have turned to the aide of photographic evidence.

First, Here is a picture of the guy who played Superman, Brandon Routh:

That's a handsome man.

Next, I present a picture that is the singularly greatest photograph in the history of mankind. In fact, I believe this is the very reason photography was invented in the first place:

There's a lot that goes into making a photograph THAT good. Of course the photographer, but also consider the light, the shirt maker, and her parents.

Back to the subject, I realize this is hard (as in difficult), but we aren't comparing their firm, perky and oh-so-suckable bosoms here. Look at their faces. Their pretty much the same, right?

Misogynistic Word Of The Day

A Movie Review: THE PROTECTOR

Ahhh......Tony Jaa. A simple man who makes simple movies. The basic plotline for all of his movies seems to be this: Tony is the protector of X. X gets stolen by some fashion challenged gangsters. Tony Jaa implements his simple method of conflict resolution: Kicking Everybody's ass until he either gets X back or is himself dead. Did these people whose asses are kicked have anything to do with X disappearing? Who knows? But if you are looking for social commentary or deeper meaning don't look to Tony Jaa. I mean, he can't speak English, but he has the nerve to come to our country and beat up our thugs?

Anyway, THE PROTECTOR is pretty much a film length version of Tony Jaa using Muay Thai to Elbow, Knee, and Kick entire armies of goons into submission. The X in this case is an elephant. The elephant is kidnapped. Tony Jaa needs to get it back. In between variously placed fight scenes, there is some kind of greasy film that is supposed to be a plot or character development or something. Let's just say this: I've seen better plots in films that would end up on your screen if you are foolish enough to leave Ken unattended in your hotel room.

But you didn't go to this movie to see plot or character development either. You want to see bad guys get their asses kicked. Well, this film delivers that in spades. In fact, the choreography is nothing short of insane. There is even like a 5 minute continuous shot that is eerily similar to this:

Yup. Fighting your way up a dojo level by level to get to an elusive boss. Like I said-No plot.

Anyway, I am sure Tony Jaa would be content to not have to kick the crap out of half of Australia if he didn't have to. Just give him his elephant back and he'll go away. But then the bad guys make an even bigger mistake. They make it personal. Before Tony was just beating people up. Now he is radioactive pissed. Needless to say it gets ugly. Real ugly. Nausea inducing ugly. Then Nathan Jones shows up and throws an elephant. That's waht you pay to see. **** out of 5.

Enough of the "Numb-chucks"

I have no idea why that link to the YOU TUBE Numb chucks is there. Please change it to something that makes sense, like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPRscxQZs8E

A Message for Josh ...

I don't know what this was about but ...

I found the movie title very interesting: http://imdb.com/title/tt0365350/

Check this out ...

Ricky Gervais of BBC's The Office has reprised his character of David Brent in a fake Microsoft training video. Check it out here: http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=ricky+gervais+training&hl=en.

Fans of the office will love this. Even better is that it was pulled from You Tube because its parent company is Microsoft.

And there are outtakes after them too!

I've been busy sitting on my ass

Just thought I'd let y'all know I put up a handful of reviews over the weekend. Because that's the type of committment I have for all of you. :) Oh, and before you even get to the reviews, just make sure to go out and see "Little Miss Sunshine". It's easily the best film in theatres right now.

I'm going to try to get to "Beerfest" this week and may even resort to some crappy ones if I don't pass out from exhaustion ... I'm at 13 movies this month, which after only 3 the month before and having the same workload is starting to make me loopy ... wheee ...

What exactly is....Gau?

I'm guessing it is just the word 'Goal' spoken in a deep southern dialect.  But I may be wrong.  It could be a quote from Snakes on a Plane.  It could be a new cool word that the youngsters use.  I just don't know.  Someone please advise.

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Are you ready for some football?

Our league is now complete! I'm glad to have the legendary Dan Bowers complete our circle of 8. Now all that is left is to see who will win the best of 3 series between Kevin and Dan, as they are matched up against each other in a struggle of epic proportions!

In Case You Missed This ...

Hitler-themed Restaurant Causing Uproar In Mumbai
August 21, 2006 10:09 a.m. EST
Shaveta Bansal - All Headline News Staff Writer

Mumbai, India (AHN) - A Hitler-themed restaurant that opened last week in India's major financial district is causing an uproar. The restaurant's title - "Hitler's Cross" - refers to the swastika that symbolized the Nazi regime, and the restaurant's interior is decorated in red, white and black - the colors of the Nazi party.

The road leading up to Hitler's Cross is lined with posters, one of which reads "From Small Bites to Mega Joys." An enormous portrait of Hitler is the first thing visitors see when they open the door.

According to the store's owner, Punit Shablok, his establishment is not promoting Hitler.

Shablok tells Reuters, "We wanted to be different. This is one name that will stay in people's minds ... we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different."

Restaurant manager Fatima Kabani says they are planning to open more branches in Mumbai.

"This place is not about wars or crimes, but where people come to relax and enjoy a meal," the manager says.

Jonathan Solomon, chairman of the Indian Jewish Federation, is among the infuriated. "This signifies a severe lack of awareness of the agony of millions of Jews caused by one man," he says. "We are going to stop this deification of Hitler."

Tumblefuck

note: I added the link to Dan, Josh, and Kevin's story to the links on the right. I LOVE GOLD.

We have a backer for My Algonquin...

Ok, so I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go see SOAP.  Something about paying full price for a purposefully B movie.  I'm afraid it won't live up to the hype.  So, I'll just wait until it hits the cheap theatre or video store.

Anyway, if you've been paying attention to the hype, you may have seen the interview where SLJ talks about how he thinks the next big thing will be a movie powered by contribution from the internet - where the story will be put together piece by piece and you will decide who should star in it, etc etc.

IMMEDIATELY two words sprung to mind:  MY ALGONQUIN!

Yes, the movie and cast list that has been relegated to the furthest reaches of Kevin's hard drive all these years may be able to come to life in some way, shape, or form.

I say if SLJ follows through on this idea, we immediately submit it.  Even better, I say we launch a wiki site that would allow people to help build the story and cast.  Maybe we don't have the free time to do it, so other people can.  We could probably back the site up every day in case some lame assess trash it (which they will - see wikipedia), but even if they do a Jeff K on it, we might actually keep some of it in there.

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How bad is the economy?

I've got something for Dave Navarro

Dave,

I know things are not going well for you. Jane's Addiction did not make very good music, and I guess you are no longer with the Chili Peppers because I think I saw you on that Supernova show with Tommy "Pam ditched me" Lee and Jason "Lars Ditched Me" Newstead. On top of that, the price for cigarrettes and mascara has never been higher. It is obvious because every time you appear in public you are appear like a homeless Jack Sparrow, minus one thing:

A T-SHIRT!!!!!!

So I tell you what, buddy. I went out and got you one. I know you would rather I purchased a CD or some other merch, but I think I'll get better mileage out of this. And this is no ordinary mans HANES t-shirt, no sir. This is special. It is snug so all the bitches can still see your muscles. Also, it comes with special padding to protect your sensitive sword-pierced nipples. I even got some dude to sew a POLO label on it. So come and get it Dave....you no longer have to go shirtless.

You're Welcome.

Name Dan's Football Team

In a continued, largely-useless effort to get Dan to sign up for our Fantasy Football league, I'm drafting this post to try and get him to join us on our annual 16-week trip of personal discovery, ruthless competition and merciless ridicule. I expect the rest of the Fort will contribute submissions as well. In the event we fail, we'll just grab five of the best names and the existing players can each field two teams, for an even league of ten. Either way, all entries will be added to the "huge pool of great names we have for things which we should really get around to doing something with", starting with these:

Fuego Muerto
Diablojob
Da Scepter
Supernintendo Chalmers
We Tried Our Best
Peanut Butter Jelly Time
Free Lunch
Josh Magic
Finish Me
Tactical Chunder
Platonic Jumpkick*
GOAL (using as many O's and/or A's as allowed by Yahoo's naming standards)


* this is my favorite of the bunch, and I almost used it for my own team name. I still may, actually.

SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes...

Shock and awe. I don't even know what to say to this.

Watch Ken beat SMB3 in 11 minutes

Ok maybe it's not Ken but it's indescribable.

It's Out of Control!!!

I made a comment a few posts ago about something that has become fashionable that really bothers me, and I've noticed it has recently gone from being merely a fad to an out and out fucking obsession. I am talking about the state of women's sunglasses. They just keep getting bigger!!

BONER!!!

First of all, no person should have bigger sunglasses than a blind person. Blind people need to wear dark glasses to let you know that they can't see. For reference purposes, I will use someone who is pretty universiallay reknowned for being cool:

RAY F'N CHARLES!!!!!

Noone will deny that Ray Charles was blind. Noone can deny that because of this impediment he wore some big damn sunglasses. This is as big as sunglasses can get, right?

Wrong. The fashion world has gone crazy. A few examples:

This is Jada Pinkett Someone, from some movie that came out a couple of years ago. Her sunglasses are more than an acceptable size. They say "I Have style" not "Fuck! I left my cane at home and now I need to be led across the street." These sunglasses say "Sassy sans bitchiness." Her sunglasses, combined with the fact that she is pointing a gun at me, lead me to believe that her sunglasses are great. I could probably at least strike up a conversation with her, if not take her home. After all, was does her significant other have that I don't have? I give her 1/2 a Ray, for her glasses being about 1/2 Ray's size. Supercool. On to the next subject:

SOOOUUUP!!!

Okay. This is where the shit gets started. This lady is sporting 1.5 Rays. As the acceptable limit is 1 Ray, these sunglasses are too large. This look says "I may be a bitch, or I may just be protecting my eyes from the harmful effects of UV rays." Either that or "Oxygen has stopped circulating in my bloodstream. Get someone to give me CPR. No. Someone handsomer than you." If I could go a week without gratifying myself, I might have the courage or desperation to ask her about her eyewear/preexisting medical condition. I don't think glasses get much bigger than this, so lets move on to number 3....

For some reason,

POOP!!!

43,200 Minutes ...

My small Rent reference aside, have you guys been watching the new season of 30 Days? So far, they had one guy live with illegal immigrants in L.A. and another live with a family in India who are part of the outsourcing workforce. Both have been really good, setting a higher standard than much of last year's episodes.

If you haven't, I recommend them. If you have, anyone have some thoughts on the two?

The Sobering Conclusion Wants You!

An e-mail from Incurable Herpes reminded me of something I said a while back regarding movie reviews. As I have been absoultely full out with the race track this last month and won't really see much daylight until September, I want to reiterate that I would love to put up reviews by each or any of my fellow posse members and friends.

The Serbian Woman himself is hopefully putting together a Pirates review and I haven't seen anything since The Lake House, Scoop and Somersault, all of which are up on the site now.

So, throw me a review if you want. And someone get Dan to join up in the football league! :)

James Bond in the Superunknown

The following is reprinted from an article at Blabbermouth.net:

"It was announced today by producers Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. and Sony Pictures Entertainment, that Chris Cornell, the singer/songwriter behind SOUNDGARDEN, AUDIOSLAVE and TEMPLE OF THE DOG, has written (in collaboration with Bond composer David Arnold) and will perform the main title song, entitled "You Know My Name", for the new James Bond adventure "Casino Royale".

Daniel Craig stars as the new "007" in "Casino Royale", directed by Martin Campbell. The film will be released worldwide by Columbia Pictures on November 17, 2006.

The acclaimed singer-songwriter, whose upcoming release with AUDIOSLAVE marks the 11th album of his career, has also enjoyed success with the groups SOUNDGARDEN and TEMPLE OF THE DOG, as well as his own critically acclaimed solo album in 1999, "Euphoria Morning". In addition, he has collaborated with such groups as ALICE IN CHAINS and made contributions to other soundtracks.

"I've always loved Chris' work, both as a writer and as an artist, and had hoped someday to find the right film to inspire him," said Lia Vollack, President, Worldwide Music for Columbia Pictures. "His music is both soulful and tough. It was the perfect complement to Daniel Craig and 'Casino Royale'."

Cornell joins such distinguished performers as Madonna, Sheryl Crow, Paul McCartney & WINGS, Carly Simon, Shirley Bassey, Tom Jones, Tina Turner, Gladys Knight, Sheena Easton, DURAN DURAN and GARBAGE who have performed title songs for previous James Bond adventures, though he will be among the select few who have both written and performed an "007" title song (others include McCartney & WINGS, Crow and Madonna). Other songs were written by composers as varied as Anthony Newley & Leslie Bricusse, Lionel Bart, John Barry, Bono & The Edge and Marvin Hamlisch."



Now, maybe Hideo Kojima can use this as leverage to get him to sing the theme for Metal Gear Solid 4!

PAGING COMMISSIONER FORBES

Football season is just around the corner, which means another 16 weeks of Fantasy Football. Or in my case 8 weeks, followed by 8 more weeks of trading away players that suddenly find themselves breaking NFL records after being traded from the Cubs Like Christpunchers. Of course, we need Commisioner Forbes to set everything up through YAHOO! Fantasy Football. I don't even care if he invites the whiney guy from last season, as it would be fun to pool our resources to beat him week in and week out while he moans over something of no consequence.

So, Commissioner Forbes, weild your power to make this happen. As any Cubs fan can tell you after the All Star break.....I AM READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!! (And not even the inevitible Rex Glassman injury can stop the Bears this year...we have Griese).

DAN! Answer me! Dan? Daaaaaaaaannnnnnn!!!!!!

It's official: St. louis has been declared a disaster area. The Thunderstorms that rolled through here the past few days were that bad. In case you missed it, here are some photos from the Chicago Tribune that shows what you missed at Busch Stadium, home of the reviled Cardinals, on Wednesday.

But of course this means that Dan is probably in some deep sh*t. Since Dan needs to record his debut album, we must help him. But first we need to know that the Danimal is okay.

Dan! Please Answer!

Hellgate: London

Is the name of the first game being developed for the PC by Flagship Studios - who are the new company recently formed by several ex-employees of Blizzard Entertainment, ones heavily involved in the creation of the Diablo franchise. They're using that style as a base for Hellgate: London, which takes place in a post-apocalyptic version of the titular city. The premise is that demons have overrun Earth and have humans (the ones who are left) outnumered 100-to-1. Gathering in small numbers to re-learn the ancient arts of ass-kicking, humanity strikes back against the hordes of infernal fuckheads.

This is all a nice backdrop for the real attractions - a whole lot of heavy firepower, a whole lot of killing and a whole lot of multi-player! Your mission is to check out the unofficial site to decide for yourself if this looks worth buying (which it does, even at this stage), and then set aside the cash for your copy so we can all stay up until the wee hours alienating our responsibilites, jobs and loved ones.

The Initial Reaction: GOD OF WAR II

First of all, I would like to thank IGN.COM for the image. Thanks, dudes.

My initial reaction to this game is that I am willing to suspend my disbelief and accept that there is a man covered in his dead families ashes that battles centaurs and rides unicorns. But it is hard to extend that disbelief to the next chapter in this saga. I say this because if I were a cyclops, and saw Kratos coming toward me I would have to change my loin cloth. This is because 1. I know I am not going to take out Kratos and 2. There is no shame in running away from Kratos, a man/god who makes Snake Pliskin looks like a Care Bear. So if you are a monster, just get out of Kratos' way. Anything less results in your painful demise. So with no monsters for Kratos to fight, the game would be pretty lame.

Luckily, the programmers can make the monsters stupid, thus making this game possible. First of all, the original game rocked all a$$, combining both platform gaming and puzzle solving into the goriest thing to be put in a box since SE7EN. And I want more, dammit! Next, I suppose Kratos, after killing the Hydra, Medusa, 1000 Mega-Taurs and finally wiping his ashy backside with Ares has become kind of like the guy with the quickest draw in the old west. It is 99.9% certain he is gonna put you in a crate, but if you DO happen to beat him, you'll look TFAC and will probably get some sweet ass because of it. And isn't that a good reason to face certain doom?

Anyway, if this game is just a rehash of the original, I'll be happy. Hell, if they just put the same levels in the game in a different order it will probably still be one of the best PS2 games ever released. I only hope this game is not released close to MK:Armageddon, because I am on a limited budget.

Manly 80's Cartoon Night

I just had an epiphany of a drinking night idea: Manly 80's Cartoon Night.

It is basically what we did in my room in Wyckoff that one day - plus drinking, and more cartoons.

I'm thinking GI Joe, Transformers, Thundercats....and if I can find them, shows like Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, MASK, and maybe an epsiode of Small Wonder thrown in there as a joke.

So, if you have any cartoon ideas, let me know, stay tuned for a date and location.

New Blog Bitch

click HERE for a demo

I'm working on a new blog for us. Something that will be totally under our control and fullllllllly customizable by US. So far I've only got the template down, so there isn't much to look at. But, you can have fun changing the backgrounds by click on the squares underneath the title. You can add as many possible backgrounds as you want. I think it randomly chooses it every time you open your browser....

Help me, Michael!

One of my friends is a super huge Knight Rider fan and as such, he found this on You Tube the other day and though it would help make the middle of the workweek a little more bearable. Check out David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff!

And don't stop until the end, the lyrics and tone of it all really take a great turn!

More digging in the archives reveals:

Pictures from Miller's site:


This classic posse picture is priceless. Probably the only digital copy in existance. However, I think Kevin still has the original in the Posse photo albums.







The funniest thing about this picture has to be Ian....who isn't dressed up at all.








This picture....well......this one was better off lost in time.....

Holy Motherf'n Blast from the Past!

I discovered this site: http://web.archive.org/ You can basically search for an old website and it may or may not be archived. I'm currently digging for old sites we did in college...so far I found this one. The pictures don't work, but hopefully I'll find more.

Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Well, to see who's rumored to be the villain in the upcoming Rush Hour 3, check out this link.

Surprise Cockfags!

And dammit, this means I'll have to see Rush Hour 3!

STICK SHIFT

Alot of people like to throw around the phrase "party like a rock star" or even the phrase "rock out with your c*ck out!". But no one has ever taken those phrases seriously...until.....NOW

Blog Post

Welcome to America...

Apple Pie. Baseball. The Fourth of July. And Go Fuck Yourself.

I don't know if any of you guys read the papers or watch the news. But recently White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen called a columnist for the Sun-Times a "Fag." Now all kinds of gay rights groups etc. are in a tizzy because they view this as a demeaning word and they are offended and how could someone say this and blah blah blah.

You know what I say? I say that your leather pants are too tight there, butch. Welcome to America, where being offended and being pissed off comes with the territory. It is what this country great!

Because in America you can say pretty much whatever you want. Go ahead and criticize the government, a movie, a sports team...no prob. In fact the USA is the first country to not only say it's okay, but it is expected of you to do this. However there is a price we pay for the right to do this, and that price is that we are going to hear a LOT of stuff we disagree with. Because in a land of free ideas, you have to wade through 99 ideas that are pure crap before you get to one that is good.

And you know what else? Just because someone says something you don't like gives you no moral high ground. Whatever minority you come up with (in this case Homosexuals) they are always preaching "tolerance" towards themselves. They have huge parades in Boystown dedicated to this tolerance. Well where the hell is your tolerance for others who disagree with you? Yes, the word "fag" is a slur. But every ethnic group or minority has been exposed to this sort of thing. From the Irish to Italians to Germans to Jews to the Japanese there are more offensive ways to refer to all these people. And those people are all okay and welcome here in the USA. The bottom line is that you choose to be offended, when you could just as easily choose to ignore a bat-sh*t crazy baseball manager.

Who You Should Hate Today: The 14 year old suing Myspace.com

Click the headline for the whole story.

In a nutshell: 14 yo girl has a page on Myspace. 19 yo guy pretends to be high school football player, contacts girl through her Myspace page and solicits her contact info out of her. They both arrange a meeting and 19 yo ends up raping her.

Who's fault is it? MYSPACE OF COURSE! Yes, she is suing NEWSCORP for the Mo Lester breeding ground that is Myspace.com. Apparently it is now someone else's responsiblity to make sure you don't give out your personal information.

If this is true, the following must also be true:

I can now sue every company that ran every contest that I ever entered. As a result of my signing up for the contests, I now suffer daily stress and anxiety as I must wade through piles of junk mail. It is their fault that I provided them with all my information - so now I want my money.

I can also now sue hotmail, yahoo, and google for the pornographic 'spam' I receive on a daily basis as a result of my dumb ass signing up for whatever looks good on the web.

While I'm at it, I will also sue Myspace.com. I have had my profile up for months, and I have not received (as promised) ONE solicitation by a sexual predator. I now suffer from low self esteem and wonder what's wrong with ME?!?!?

New Post

Nothing to report. Just wanted to put a new post up.

I hope all of you watched ECW last night....

UPDATE!!!: Here's the entrance and promo, courtesy our friends at Youtube: CLICK HERE


....because if you didn't, you missed the premiere of one of the greatest wrestling characters of ALL TIME! That's right, you missed.....THE ZOMBIE!!!!!!


For video of Sandman kicking his ass, click HERE.

Unfortunately, they have yet to post a picture of this guy, but I'll add it when it comes in.

What the video DOESN'T show, is the truly brilliant moment of this character's debut.

To sum up, this guy in white pale makup and brown dust all over him(that gets beaten out of him later) comes out in a torn flannel and jeans, and sloooooooowly walks zombie-style towards the ring. Eventually, after slooooooowly walking around the ring with his arms still zombie style in front of him...he grabs....THE MIC! He grabs the MIC and cuts the greatest promo in the last couple years at least. His promo? Well, to quote: "UHHHHHH.......UHHHHHHHH! UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!...UHHHHH!...UHHHHHHHHHHH!" He seriously did this for a couple minutes, until finally interrupted by Sandman's promo.

It was the first genuine laugh wrestling has gotten out of me in a long time, and I am sure we can only owe it to Paul Heyman for doing the booking on this one. Totally tounge-in-cheek and an homage to Wrestlecrap stars of the past. I can only HOPE that the Zombie becomes a regular wrestler, because if he does, I think he will blow up much like SOAP.

MEET THE P-POSSE!

Hello!

Are you some creep who stumbled into this blog at random? Were you just pressing the NEXT BLOG Button over and over and over trying to find a place where they tell jokes you don't understand? Are you just happy that this page is in English? Or are you a regular fan who enjoys lurking in the darkest recesses of cyberspace? Welcome then to the P-Posse's blogspace. Usually we just use this to keep in touch with our members across the nation and see what the wacky goings on are. (I knew I could use the phrase 'keeping in touch with our members' in a totally family friendly manner) But who the hell are we and why should you care?

Well, in an effort to keep the site updated, I will periodically post information about our regular contributors here. Keep in mind this information is not real.

The Initial Reaction: Josh on vacation

Since he left for Indy for a week, the blog seems colder... lonlier somehow. There are no masterful send-ups of pop-culture garbage... no rants against the fairer sex... and nary a Tecmo Bowl or MGS3 reference in sight.

Dan, you were his roommate - tell us what you did to pass the time while Josh was gone until his return. Besides THAT... or THAT. Or playing Eternal Champions. Actually, I don't know that that leaves much else.

Oh, Billy

I was just looking at the "Oh, Vince" post and thought we needed an "Oh, Billy" post.

FINISH HIM...... do DO dooooooo........

A Milestone Has Been Reached!

I have hit my 100th Movie Review at the Sobering Conclusion.

Thanks to all of you for pushing me to continue and providing me with the feedback to make it worthwhile.

Here's to another 100!

Oh, Vince

The WWE has done it again! Last night as I was typing up another movie review, I put the channel on RAW. Well, I got the treat of the night. You may know about Kane having some delusions/hallucinations lately. Well, tonight, THE OLD KANE came back! Current Kane was in the ring beating up Shelton "I'm a jobber" Benjamin and then the ominous music and lighting hit.

Out comes OLD KANE, the one in the red tights, with the long hair and mask! He comes down to the ring and CHOKESLAMS the current Kane! Chokeslams him to HELL! Where is this going? Who knows? But next PPV, you could be watching Kane v. Kane, with his sanity and very self at stake!

Moreover, Viscera (yes, that Viscera) is now billed as "The World's Largest Love Machine"! Can I hold out hope for a Sexual Chocoloate - Love Machine ladder match? Maybe they can form the most formidable tag team since Animal and Hawk!

This may keep me watching while the rerun season has started!

It's times like these that I miss college and watching all of you suplex each other onto my futon.

Get it?

The Initial Reaction: How to Get the Guy

SO I am watching the INDY 500 (Yay Indianapolis!) and they show a commercial for a show called 'How to Get the Guy.' It is a reality show where women are looking for true love and are getting pointers from Love Coaches to accomplish this. From my girlfriend-less vantage point, I would merely suggest finding a nice guy and sending one knee east and the other west. Everything else usually takes care of itself from there. But this would probably make the series in to a singular show, thus negating any advertiser potential. But that is not all that bothers me.

I think all relationships contain some kind of power ratio. A pretty girl initially has a form of power over a gentleman who is interested in her (and what guy is not interested in a pretty girl?) because she has something of value to the gent: she is hot. Unless she is in to comparing flatulence or beer drinking contests, the average dude in question probably has nothing of real value to her. This is different if he is rich or famous or on the cover of GQ or the like. This puts most women in the proverbial relationship driver's seat. So since women pretty much have control over all this, why do they need a love coach? Just assert your control!!!!!!

This is of course assuming the women are hot. Ladies, If men are not interested in you, you are probably not very hot, or even if you are hot, you are probably such a bitch that men can't take being around you for more than say, one night. Thus negating your chance at true love. So if you are a woman looking for true love and haven't succeeded yet: 1. Be Hotter 2. Don't be such a bitch.

The Finale Answer: LOST

THIS was a good finale. Why? Because although it is all the rage to end the season of a show at a devastating cliffhanger (Prison Break), Lost did not really do that, at least not to the extent it did last year. In fact, it answered more questions than it posed. That's good because cliffhangers are not really necessary because if you are watching a season finale, you are proably already pretty familiar with the show.

Quick summary: Desmond returns in a boat. Micheal shanghies his friends and they are taken prisoner by the others. In exchange he gets his son back and gets to leave the island. Eko is tricked by Locke and Desmond and is locked out of the hatch as the timer descends to less than zero. As all hell breaks loose, Desmond explodes the hatch, possibly killing himself, Locke, and Eko. Claire and Charlie kiss, thus setting up their doom in season 3 (if you have sex on island, one of the people engaged in said act must die). And someone on the outside discovers the location of the island.

I liked it.

The Finale Answer: HOUSE

I really like this show. House is a total smartass that plays by his own rules. Minus the addiction to painkillers, he is a pretty cool guy to emulate. Hugh Laurie does a great job both making him smart, pitiful, and hilarious. I expected nothing less than that from the finale. I think it delivered.

I am not going to recap the entire TV show, but in the first few minutes House gets shot. He seemingly "wakes up" in the hospital ICU, where his attacker is wheeled in next to him. Throughout the couse of the show House gets crazier & crazier as he is pschoanalyzed by his assailant. Eventually, he reasons that everything that is happening to him is just an illusion, and to prove it he snaps and "kills" a patient. For a few seconds there, I thought he really did kill a patient. But then the writers of the show deliver a message: PSYCHE! PSYCHE! PSYCHE! Signed, SUPER-PSYCHE!

House had actually dreamed the whole thing. As the season ends, Dr. House is being treated for his gunshot wound to the belly and neck. Although it is a shitty way to end a season, it completely sticks with the season ending cliffhanger motif that seems to be all the rage now (See: Lost, Prison Break, Dallas). Will House live? I bet he will. In Reruns all summer long!

I want a lawyer

Like Ron Kooby. Why? Because we need our name back!

http://p-posse.tripod.com/

In the year 2006 ...

August 18,2006:

I come from the future to proclaim "Snakes on a Plane" fantastic! Samuel L. Jackson took care of business and showed them snakes what's what! I was disappointed at the lack of Ice Cube as a co-pilot to exclaim the line "You mean there's snakes on this plane this big?"

However, the film was so powerful, I went right out and cancelled all of my flights and will be driving to all future destinations.

For a full review, all of you in this timeline must wait for the present-Hungry Hank to catch up to me and write it all down. I must return to the future and try to slip into a screening of "The Transformers"!

P.S. If you haven't already, invest in big oil companies. Even after discovering they somehow made record profits in the face of a possible oil shortage in 50 years, they still had to raise prices in order to compete with rising golf club memberships for their hard working and honest executives.

The Initial Reaction: X3

Welcome to the Initial Reaction: Where I Review the Previews. (C) 2005

I don't understand the Subtitle 'The Last Stand' because this franchise kicks ass and to stop producing movies in it while they are profitable just is not in Hollywood's DNA. There will be an X4 or atleast another X-Men Movie, simply because Halle Berry doesn't want to go back to being Monsters Balled by Billy Bob Thornton.

In any case I have heard rumblings that this movie will suck. I don't care because this is one of the few movies that appeals to my "Skinny, Almost 30 and in dire need of sex" demographic. Yeah, growing up I was a bigger fan of Spider-Man Comics and I tended to buy those, but I never shied away from picking up an X-Men comic if Wolverine was somewhere on the cover. Like most people, I hate Cyclops, and believe Jean Grey is an idiot to fall for him. That aside, this trailer looks pretty good. In fact I don't care if the movie has any of the following:

1. Story
2. Plot
3. Boobs
4. Social Commentary
5. Cyclops

That's right, I put boobs on the optional list. That's because if you gave me some popcorn, a soda, and live action footage of the X-Men, even if they are hosting a cooking show, I would be pretty happy. I think casting Frasier as Beast was a good move. I am glad two Bond girls (Famke and Halle) will fight each other. The new mutants (Angel, Beast, Juggernaut, Shadowcat etc..) all look cool too. And while I am not expecting Dr. Zhivago here, this movie definitely gives me a reason to use the movie passes I have been saving. There will be no disappointing Box Office #'s here. It will make at least 85 mil in its first weekend.

Stop messing with trains

This morning another pedestrian was killed by a Metra train one stop down from the one I live near. Details regarding the case haven't been released, so I can't comment on this particular incident, but it seems like as good a time as any to re-release this memo to the general public: STOP MESSING WITH TRAINS.

I don't know why people continue to think they can outrun them or drive around them, but they can't. Haven't yet. Never will. Trains are like the '72 Dolphins of public transportation - YOU LOSE. And it's not Metra's fault that you think you're so damn important that you feel you can drive under a gate or run through a crossing while a 12-million ton machine bears down on your dumb ass.

Who You Should Hate Today: Rev. Daryl P. Bujak

Looking for someone to hate today? How about Rev. Daryl P. Bujak.

You see, this god jobbing nutjob decided that he has the moral authority to spank (and who knows what else) the children of his congregation. In this case, he BELIEVED that this 12 year old girl was lying when she claimed she had been sexually molested by another man. Crazy enough, this girl's Mom ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN - AND EVEN TURNED HER OVER TO THE GOOD REVEREND HERSELF!

As if that wasn't bad enough....WHOOOOOOPS! It appears that the girl's claims were TRUE. Uh oh! Nothing like abusing a girl for speaking up about another abuse.

You can read the story here.

So, if life has you down today, and you are looking for someone to hate. Please hate Reverend Daryl P. Bujak.

PRISON BREAK: How do they get out of this one?

I am not sure if any of you guys are fans of this show, but routinely on Monday nights Kevin & I will call each other & gab like schoolgirls about this show. In any case, on the Season Finale the inmates Michael, Linc, C-Note, Abruzzi, and Sucre had just run 2 miles through rough terrain to reach an airstrip. They get there in time to watch their plane take off, leaving them high and dry. To make matters worse, an army of cops and a police chopper is descending upon them as they run across an open field. Obviously, as the title implies, they have to escape. The only question I have is: how? I am interested in hearing your ideas, no matter how implausible.

Open Letter to ABC: Stop Making the Bachelor.

It is hard to believe that the same network that gives us 'LOST' also gives us this drivel season after tedious season. Some rich guy can't get laid, so they make a show where they throw a horde of women (who are obviously deeply flawed or what are they doing on a reality show?) at him in order to get a match. So far exactly 1 couple (I think, I don't keep records) has gone all the way to marriage with one of these things. Meaning after they went through all this trouble to put relieve a bachelor of his bachelorhood he is still a bachelor. They should just call the show "Pointless."

If you are going to keep doing this, at least change it up a little bit. If they want to make the show interesting, I mean REALLY interesting, they should put me on there. Within minutes of meeting me I would make each and every one of them so uncomfortable as to commit suicide to get out of there. The rose ceremony would be a nightmare, where instead of someone getting eliminated by not getting a rose, I would just bring enough roses for everyone week after week. You want steamy sex? The broads would give it up to escape my 135 pound embrace, I guarantee it. I would only let them leave if they pleased me. I mean really which would you rather see:

A. 'I think I am falling in love with this billionaire guy. He is soooooo sweet and I've never felt this way before'
B. 'Okay. If you two gals kiss each other I'll let you go. And I mean a real kiss. An open mouth kiss. Lasting at least 1 minute. Annnnnnnnddddd GO! '

The Intitial Response: Too Fast 2 Furious: Tokyo Drift

WTF is going on in Hollywood these days? In another move completely without risk or good taste someone green-lit another Need for Speed Film. This one is called Tokyo Drift. This film seems to revolve around "drifting" which is a specialized style of driving where you make your car slide around a corner by slamming on the brake, pulling the parking brake and twisting the wheel really hard. As opposed to just lightly depressing the gas and turning the wheel carefully. One of those methods gets you want to go, the other gets you where you want to go but with damage to your car. You decide which is which.

Once again the basic premise is cool looking cars going fast. Unfortunately, it appears they are going nowhere as they cast Bow-Wow (his Christian name) and some unknown white guy in the lead roles. I guess he is not Lil' Bow Wow anymore, which makes me hungry for the day 10 years in the future when his metabolism is gone and he changes his moniker to Fat Bow Wow, or Big Bow Wow. Continuing in the hip hop tradition someone will shoot him. YEAHHHHHHHH BOYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Anyway here is what you need to know: Bow Wow is cool. Do not question that.

Anyway, since Bow got his license to drive and has not reached an age where mortality has any meaning, he is probably driving one of the aforementioned cool looking cars. Because teenagers have the money for a trip to Japan and the folding cash for a hype new tekked out ride once they get there. I am sure at some point in the movie he will race for pinks and lose. Some other minor character who is also a driver will become injured, rendering him unable to drive anymore. Then he offers Bow a chance to get his car back by letting him drive HIS car. This cues a montage where Bow is in the Japanese Dave & Buster's playing OUTRUN and SpyHunter to train for the big race, which he wins. Credits roll and the audience is a little stupider for having watched it.

That is how I think the movie will play out. Basically 'Bloodsport' but in fast rice-burnin autos and no Jean Claude. I think I'll hold onto my money, thanks. In fact, who IS the demographic for this film? A bunch of people who want to see a bunch of other people overcompensating?

Stay Tuned for my Initial Response to X3.

We've exceeded the limitations of the blog!

In going back over the posts in the "edit posts" feature, you can only see the last 300 posts ... we're past that by 9 now. Ken, do you know any way to make sure we don't lose some of the brilliance that is our ranting and raving?

These are moments frozen in time people!

Go for Papa Palpatine

I had stopped watching this show but a friend of mine showed me this clip from Robot Chicken and it's pretty good for all the star wars geeks like me. Though is anyone as annoyed as I am that they are finally releasing the original trilogy un-updated on DVD at the end of the summer?

How many different ways can Lucas fuck people out of their money? And yes, I already know of his asinine scheme to convert the films into 3D to further line his pockets with cash.

He's such a cocksucker.

Our Petra Picture Turned to Panties!

Check out the post below where the Petra picture was. Some foolish admin figured he'd 'pull a good one' on us by replacing the picture with a funnier picture. JOKES ON HIM!

Fun with Google

I was putzing around cyberspace and decided to google "sobering conclusion" and lo and behold ... my blog site came up 4th on the search! Kick ass. I then checked for "underground g.i. joe fort" but alas, nothing on the first search page.

THE INITIAL RESPONSE: THE DAVINCI CODE

My initial response to this preview is pretty staraightforward. When watching it, you can tell they want ALL the people who read the book to go see the movie. Now I read the book over a year ago, and to be honest, the story was lame. A story about secret societies and knights and shit should have been cool but it wasn't. But for some reason I couldn't stop turning the pages. So what made the book work wasn't the characters or the story, but more of Dale Brown's writing style and wanting to find out what happens next. Unfortunately, writing style has nothing to do with a movie. And if they want all the people to see the movie that read the book, well they are screwed royal because everybody KNOWS what happens BEFORE seeing the movie. So the two things that made the book work are gone, man.

Although it has been over a year since I read the book, by watching the previews you can definitely tell what is going on in some scenes. For example, there is a dead guy in the Louvre, whose naked body happens to land under a light which tastefully blurs out his genitals. Instead of writing a note explaining everything clearly and shoving it up his wrinkled ass like a normal person, instead he hid clues all over the museum. For Example: So Dark the Con of Man. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AND WHY DO I CARE? Are you aware that there are French Hookers that look like Nicole Kidman in the same town? Luckily, Tom Hanks is in town and since he WAS a bosom buddy, he knows all about this stuff. The plot goes from there and eventually reveals that Jesus, as a mortal man, liked the pink that stinks.

Anyway, I think this movie is going to get shitty reviews and a somewhat lukewarm reception at the box office because people don't really want to see a movie based on an ok book they already read. Especially when Tom Cruise is in the movie theaters. Plus, most people bought the hardcover, and after adding the price of a few movie tickets to that, you would have spent close to $50 on this story. Not worth it. Suck it Dan Brown. Suck it long and suck it hard.

PS3 to debut at $499

Where's your Messiah now Flanders?

So, what do you plan on selling to get it? Blood? Semen? Organs?

Hopefully the demo disc will be included, so there is something to play after you run out of money buying it. :)

More Reasons 2007 is "The Year That Raped Our Childhood"

As you all may know, I call 2007 that because it is the year Michael Bay ruins the Transformers, C.H.I.P.S rolls over in its CHP motorcycle grave yard(Damn you, Fez!), etc., etc.

Now, John Woo is back into making horrible American cinema and is bringing us Spyhunter: Nowhere to Run. Yes, it is based off the game. And YES, The ROCK is the driver. Oh God ... I'm definitely going to have to expand the number of films that make the Horrible but Fun list next year.

Maybe I'll just put myself into a medically induced coma for next year and avoid popping any blood vessels in my brain.

Celebrating Our Anniversary!

I was looking for a good anniversary picture for our blog. So I went to images.google.com and searched for 'one year blog'. This was the first picture that came up. Happy Anniversary to US!

Year 1 post statistics

Using mathematical theorems from my library of ancient Sumerian texts, I've calculated our post statistics for Underground G.I. Joe Fort: Year 1. I lay before you the post creation output for each of our "members", along with a percentage figure by which the person's worth may be judged (the following numbers are out of 300 and do not include this post):

Hungry Hank: 105 posts (35%)
Ken-Nasty: 99 posts (33%)
PowerSurgeon: 43 posts (14.3%)
FullForce: 36 posts (12%)
Rod of Rohirrim: 17 posts (5.6%)

Ian is a Behemoth! Ken is a just-slightly-smaller behemoth. But still huge. I'm surprised I even hit 10%. But keep in mind that since this is the 301st post, I'm shutting YOU ALL OUT IN YEAR 2!!! FULL FORCE = 1000%!!! YYYEEAAAAHHHH!! CARNITAS!!

I Love Craigslist

Click the title for why.

1 YEAR LATER

It all started when Ken made his first post, aptly titled, "This is my First Post" and only grew from there. That's right....we been postin' for 12 months or 1 calendar year...BITCH! So It's time to announce the greatest post in the most recent year.

Nominations welcome.

Holy Crap!

Just click on the title. Just do it. Now.

What happened to our blog?

Read title for what I'm asking.

Dish Network Review

Just thought I'd drop an unofficial review of Dish Network, since I just got it this weekend and am bored right now.

First off, it seemed like whenever I talked to people (outside this blog) about getting a dish, their eyes automatically rolled back into their skulls, like they were getting a 'treatment' from Eva Longoria. I think there's a certain stereotype, that has been heavily pushed by Comcast (aka the next AOL Time Warner) that when you have a dish ,and it isn't a sunny day out, you have no reception and you suddenly can't watch TV. Well, it wasn't the worst weather this weekend, but it was pretty crappy, and I had no problems whatsoever. I think the bad rap comes from consumers that have no clue how a satellite needs to be calibrated. They let their three year old practice t-ball on it and then call up Indian tech support to complain about how it rains and they 'ain't got no TV no more'.

So, picture is good, the selection of channels is good. They also have some funny features (that unfortunately cost extra) like karaoke, bar trivia games, etc. etc.

I purchased the dual tuner DVR. It allows me to have to tv's connected in two different areas. Both TVs work independantly, with the second TV using a UHF radio remote instead of the IR - which allows it to operate the box downstairs. It's a pretty sweet setup.

The menu is also pretty fast compared to DirectTV units I've seen, and it runs laps around the old ReplayTV service I had - that was slow as hell though.

All in all, I've been pretty pleased so far - and it is nice to have my idiot box back. Perhaps when we get a new house, I'll cough up $4 for the month and we'll have a karaoke party like nobody's business!

The real reason I haven't posted for a while

I've been staging a silent protest until Ian reviews "Stick It" for The Sobering Conclusion. My key failing with this plan, however, was to not inform anyone of the silent protest beforehand. This of course did nothing to help a review appear, and also caused me to have to break my own silent protest by writing this post to say I was staging a silent protest. As you can plainly see, I'm ruined. In conclusion, please review "Stick It" for The Sobering Conclusion.

Sincerely,
Jensen Dykelover

Let's have some quotes!

Well, I've recovered from my temporary Internet service blackout (and Internet laziness) to bring you these memorable quotations:

from tonight's Simpsons:

"You're a worse version of Hitler!"

"All I know is that no one's better than anyone and everyone's the best at everything."
"Not you - you're the worst!! Now get to poisonin' them squirrels!"

"You're as smart as any man! Sometimes when I'm with you, I feel like I'm doing it with a dude!"

"Well, at least I can cuddle with the dog - everyone knows I'm smarter than you!"
(cut to Homer sleeping in the dog house) "Oh, how did this happen??"

"CHAIR FIGHT!!!"


from tonight's American Dad:

"forgive my unusually thick tongue"

"he's so cool and popular, you forget he's Asian!"


from last weekend's Josh playing F-Zero GX at my house and commenting on the character "Octoman":

"if I had that many arms, I'd at least wish for another penis!"


Alias seems like a shitty show. They play the same shitty techno song in every scene. I'd suggest they use the "Eternal Champion" theme instead, but why waste it on a shitty show. Ken, sorry about your cable - mine still comes in. Wii will rock you. Pass me some of that Santa Maria BBQ.

New favorite photo?

I was looking for some information about Santa Maria style barbecue and ran across this little gem. After looking at this photo carefully, I noticed Grandma has tongs and some tupperware, so far so good. But the guy has what appears to be a bomb detonator and the kid is holding some wood and a friggin' hammer! What kind of barbecue is this?

And to top it off, the location looks like the outskirts of the Katrina disaster zone. I simply love it. Maybe these are the folks Nintendo is marketing the WII to (Wickidly Idiotic Innovation).

Someone fire the Nintendo Marketing Department

In case you don't look at IGN, the Nintendo Revolution has been renamed the Wii (pronounced WEE). I personally don't understand it myself, in the pantheon of console names, this has to be the lamest. Granted 'Revolution' was no INTELLIVISION, but even ATARI JAGUAR or NEO GEO sounds cooler than Wii. It would have been better just call it 'The Mario Machine.'

Comcast calls check, I call CHECKMATE!

Ever since I moved into my house in November of 2003, I have been blessed with the magic of basic cable - without bills! We moved in, there was cable. I said to myself "well, when Comcast figures it out, then I won't have cable, it's their move". Two and a half years later, I'm looking to sell my house. So I'm looking at, ideally, maybe a month or two left in this house. BAM. There's a Comcast flyer on the door telling me to 'take advantage of the limited time offer'. The offer that isn't listed on the door hanger? Turn on the TV: BAM no cable! So close. I was almost out of the house and home free, so to speak. But now Comcast has roped me in. I am missing my favorite shows. I missed the episode of House that Kevin said promised a House vs. God showdown. So I guess I'll have to break down and buy cable, I say.

http://www.comcast.com

$60/mo for STANDARD CABLE?!?!!?

I am now a loyal Dish Network customer. ;) F U Comcast. (Oh, but thanks for the 2 years of free cable) :D

I continue to slave over a hot internet host.

I continue to waste idle time working on web crizzle. If you haven't stopped by these sites, be sure to:

http://wiki.userhostilesoftware.com (a wiki site, all kinds of crap in this puppy, great for wasting massive amounts of time)

http://photos.userhostilesoftware.com (you can sign up and post pictures here)

http://blog.userhostilesoftware.com (blog in progress, I am still tinkering with it)

I call shennanigans

This whole fad is obviously bogus. To prove it I used this mugshot of Stone Cold Steve Austin. AS Ken can tell you, it is obviously him. Look at the beady little eyes, the sloping forehead, and the goatee. Running this through the program did NOT return Stone Cold as a match, although he is more famous than any soccer star or arguably, Alec Baldwin. I think it just returns random famous photos.

Manipulating Posted Photos is Funner!

I found out about this site that allows you to compare people's photos with celebrities. I used the one Ken just put up and here are the results ...

Versus Men: http://www.play-analogia.com/cgi-bin/index/k/?ks=9Id9pfcCUY8545BKItamu06nKv8j6aGzOi7Qe7Bk

Versus Women: http://www.play-analogia.com/cgi-bin/index/k/?ks=C4Tp0V1kOTDOaL7vfkj3VdmzwEqYxjxmDHjoQZ3y

I think we see where this is headed ... everyone do someone else! (And yes, you can put up a photo of just about ANYTHING and see what happens ... for example, this picture of a lemon turned into a battery gives us: http://www.play-analogia.com/cgi-bin/index/k/?ks=TSCMSPUxbNrA3nNxzhxp3UxyyAlVKjTjlKCq3UtZ)

And supposedly the results only stay up for 48 hours or so, time is of the essence in viewing these marvelous results!

Old Film is Fun

Sarah and I found some old undeveloped roll of film from years ago. We finally sent it in to Snapfish to have it developed, and it produced this gem, among others:

A Gentleman and a Scholar

For those wondering what Cowboy has done with his life since the Bradley days, you'll be happy to know that he made sure to give Pat C. a call yesterday to remind him that it was April 20th.....you know, 4/20. huh huh huh, uh, huh huh huh.

Class.

I often wonder...

how are the snakes going to board? Snakes can't get boarding passes and they certainly don't get early boarding, no one does anymore. Will they fly stand-by or first class? WAIT TO FIND OUT!

This post brought to you by the letter q and that thing that holds a muffler to your car.

S.O.A.P. = C.R.A.P.

I don't know why we have all this stuff about SOAP all over the board. Granted the concept is funny, but I am willing to bet 90% of the internet fanboys are going to go see the movie and be disappointed. Why? Because like "DOG N' SUDS" it is at most a silly one minute joke. Essentially, they'll be taking this joke and extending it over roughly a 90 minute time frame. So yeah, while you could say "DOG N' SUDS!" and have it be funny for the first through tenth time, after 90 times it would staler than Mother Theresa's submission to Penthouse Forum. The same rule holds true here. In fact, I contend it has stopped being about a dumb movie premise, and more about how people who wish they were Kevin Smith can pat themselves on the back for cleverly promoting something ridiculous. Thanks a lot internet!

If you disagree....click over here------->

Diary of An Indian Gavial

Dear Diary:

Well I don't know what to say--Today was a lot like yesterday. I woke up here in the swamp again. As soon as I did I noticed one of the female gavials looking at my small crocodilian pecker. She seemed to have some kind of shit eating grin on her face. I'd ask her about it but I am so unsure about what to say. Every time I open my powerful jaws only a deep groaning escapes.

Well, after waking up I went for a swim. I decided to visit my friend Bill the Big Eyed Trevally. He wasn't around, but then I remembered it was because I ate him yesterday.
And get this: me and Ralph are just sitting on the edge of the water, minding our own business, when some asshole waering Olive Drab camo and facepaint just crawls right up next to us. He seemed to be talking to himself about some Para-Medic or something. Well, Ralph slaps him with his tail a few times to welcome him to the swamp. The jerk just starts stabbing him! It didn't seem to bother Ralph, I think he thought it was funny. But after being stabbed 1000 times over the course of a half hour he dies and the guy starts eating him. I started to say something, but this creep tried to hurl a grenade down my throat. I just swam away. Eventually the guy took off too. I hope he doesn't come back again.

Anyway, I keep looking at that hornets nest over there. Those bees always look pissed.

PAY YOUR TAXES!

Best Wishes From Down Under

Happy Birthday Kevin!



Your Good Friend,
Luc

E-Bay, you're my only friend

One of the oddest things ever is HERE. BE CAREFUL, it loads an active X thing and starts playing obnoxious music so turn off your sound, especially at work.

Time to 'Fess Up!

Allright. It is almost Easter. In this time of Rebirth, it is healthy to clean one's conscience. So it is time to find out the answer to the greatest P-Posse Mystery In History:

WHAT HAPPENED TO TECMO BOWL???

Now this cartridge disappeared sophomore year. It was located in Hank & Miller's Room. It looked like this:

Using special aging technology, today it would look something like this:

One of us knows what happened. I can tell you it wasn't me. That means it was probably one of you. So You Have a Choice:

Your Decision will result in one of the following:

Hopefully you make the right choice. I already forgive you.

Got a few minutes to kill?

Well, in the same vein as reimagined trailers done in a differnt light, someone put a lot of effort into sculpting The Sequel I Almost Want To See ... but not really because I'd probably rather fall off a building into a vat of acid and then be blended into a milkshake for that guy who eats worms in the WWE to drink.

The Ins and Outs of Sexual Harassment

Okay, so I am sitting at work, trying to find people to call who need some high octane advertising. In this process I stumble across some Sexual Harassment Lawyers ads in the phone book. The photograph accompanying the ad was ridiculous, but being a fan of such things I thought, no, I KNEW there were more photos out there of Sexual Harassment in progress...and I sought out to find them. This is the result of that 20 minute quest through the google image search.

What we have here is some classic examples of the "Hand on Shoulder" or "Bowers" technique. This form of 'innocuous touching' is commonly used by men to gauge a potential mates interest. Go ahead and try it for yourself. If the recipient makes a face like any of the women above, I am pretty sure that means she is interested and you can proceed to Operation 'Whip-It-Out'. I hope that Asian lady likes guys who dress like Sipowicz, cause she's got it. Besides, if she didn't want it, why would she dress so hot? To attract some other guy in the office?

These next two guys just said "Fuck it. I'm white. I'm wearing a tie. I'm shifting into Leitzel Mode." Actually, the first guuy looks like he is trying to subdue his panicky secretary with a vulcan-style neck pinch. I can't see the other guys face, but I am betting he got the hot girl from tech support to come into his office to find out why there is something wrong with his computer. She sits down, the boss puts on some Barry White and just waits for her to discover the monstropolous amount of porn he has on his machine. When she does he lets his fingers do the walking. Not that I have ever tried that (more than once).

These guys are leg freaks. In fact, from what I know about women and sex, I am pretty sure the couple on the right have gone beyond the realm of Sexual Harassment right into actual sexual intercourse. Look slike there's gonna be a little boss running around the office soon.

WHOA! Slow down there DEMI MOORE! To me this is an example of reverse-sexual harassment. Or what it might look like if it actually existed.

This is what happens if you sexually harass the wrong person, or even if you fail to sexually harass anyone. You get dirty looks like this. The girl on the right has just been sexually harassed, and surprise, she liked it. She is all "BOOM! I GOT YOUR BOYFRIEND! I GOT YOUR MAN!" to the girl in the center. But he made a mistake in NOT harassing the bitchy blonde first. If I were this guy, I'd be sure to share the harassment with ALL WOMEN in the office, or his balls might end up in a sling. So if a woman is watching you harass another woman, be sure to harass her too. Or else she'll think she's fat and spend her lunch hour vomiting in the women's room. Plus, her self esteem will be higher, causing her to perform better on the job.

Well, I hope you have learned a little something about sexual harassment. If not, I guess oyu can just do your own damn Google Search.

Poop

This is weird.

It isn't even June 6th Yet.

UHS email accounts

Let me know if you guys want any email accounts with the '@userhostilesoftware.com' tag. Just email me what username you want and I'll set it up. Also, let me highly recommend http://www.1and1.com/ for web hosting. They have a pretty sweet 'package' for $2.99/mo (in 6 month increments). You can tool around with your own website and add domain names when you want for $6 each/year. Fun shizzle.

The Road From WrestleMania

Josh Realizes Boyhood Dream, Makes It To WrestleMania
Reads WM recap on blog -- resulting smile found to be chronic, unremovable

[click on any of the images to see them full-size]



"BIG TIME" was the official subtitle for WreslteMania 22, using the Peter Gabriel song of the same name as its theme. A little weird, but it worked. It also accurately described the pricing for parking and concessions at the event.

For some reason the Allstate Arena looked way bigger for Mania than it did for most other events. Maybe it's because every last seat was sold and they had gigantic banners of everyone who was in a match at Wrestlemania 22 hanging from the ceiling all around the arena. To quote the guy from ESPN Classic, it "was an EPIC!!!!!!!" The crowd knew they were in the presence of greatness, and the atmosphere was electric as the lights went down and crushing pyrotechnics loud enough to kill the elderly from 200 yards away ushered us into the 22nd WRESTLEMANIA!!!!




The six-man Ladder Match (with the winner getting a World Title shot they can use anytime, anywhere) was definitely a highlight, producing one of the evening's three "HOLY SHIT!!!" chants when Shelton Benjamin balanched the ladder on the ropes, ran up it and hit a somersault plancha onto the crowd on the floor. As expected, this match was pretty much all big spots, with a RVD frog-splash from the top of the ladder, guys falling off ladders to the outside, and an AWESOME spot where Benjamin (again) jumped up from the outside and bounced off the top rope to land perfectly on the fourth rung of a ladder facing RVD, as RVD was climbing up for the briefcase.

Even Flair took a huge suplex from near the top of a ladder, after which they carried him off injured. He came back out a short time later, only to eventually fall asleep in the corner (he was down for what seemed like 5 minutes). RVD wins it. Big face reception for him after and during the match - there were lots of "R-V-D" and "E-C-W" chants.

2006 Hall of Fame induction ceremony was next. No Bret Hart, who was "uncomfortable participating in tonight's event". Josh gets another $7 beer.

JBL vs. Chris Benoit for the US title was only really notable for revealing that the entrance ramp was rigged to elevate, doing so to let JBL's limo (complete with bull horns on the hood) out to ringside. Match was just okay, but no one really cared too much either way since it was sandwiched in between the Ladder Match and the Hardcore Match between Edge & Mick Foley.

Mick's annual trip out of retirement to do something insane at Wrestlemania didn't disappoint, and provided several of the show's highlights. Let's just get this out of the way now - Edge speared Mick Foley off the ring apron through a flaming table to win the match. Okay, I feel better not holding that in. This obviously yielded the second (and loudest) "HOLY SHIT!!!" of the night. Plenty of blood, plenty of barbed wire (including a barbed wire Socko which bloodied both Edge AND Lita!), and plenty of tacks in Edge's back as he took a reverse backdrop onto a huge pile of them. Tons of "FO-LEY!!" and "Cactus Jack!!!" chants throughout the match as well.

They pummeled each other with Barbie (the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, for anyone who doesn't know) throughout the match, and Mick took the usual "flying over the ring steps after smashing into them knees-first" spot which I still think is crazy. Another crazy spot was when Lita jumped on Foley's back, but he still ran towards the ropes and clotheslined Edge, sending all three over to the floor.

At the end, Foley stood on the apron soaking the table in lighter fluid, but before he can do anything else, Lita hits him in the knee with Barbie, grabs a lighter and starts the blaze!! Foley turns around just in time to meet the oncoming Edge - BOOM!!!!!!!



Big applause at the end for both guys, even though Edge won. As Foley walked up the ramp afterward, a big "Thank you Foley!!" chant started up... he seemed genuinely surprised and grateful to the crowd, and gave us a couple of "Bang-BANGs" before leaving.


Boogeyman vs. Booker T was next. I didn't get this match at all, and I have no idea how Boogeyman is even in the Federation. It's like stepping back in time to the early 90s with this one - imagine a cross between Papa Shango and one of the guys from Demolition, and that's a good start. Also, he carries around a huge clock, so I guess add a little bit of Flava Flav in there as well. His gimmick is that he eats worms and people are afraid of him. I'm not making this up. Booker T got killed in this match which was basically a wash.

Josh provided the best part of the match, which was to start chanting "WE WANT WORMS!!" Someone a few rows in front of us yelled back, "you already GOT worms". Josh: "Oh. I'VE GOT WORMS!! I'VE GOT WORMS!!!"


Next was the Women's Title match between Trish and newcomer Mickie James, who I'd never heard of before but is one of the best Divas to come along in a while. She and Trish put on one of the better Women's matches in recent memory, though the crowd was the most interesting part - by the end of the match, they HATED Trish (who was the face) and were cheering everything Mickie did to take Trish's belt, which she did.

The story was that Mickie (check out her WWE mini-site here) came into the Federation as an obsessed Trish fan, and after Trish told her to back off she snapped and started stalking her. Maybe it was a fresh face, maybe Mickie James played a great psycho (I didn't see any episodes of RAW leading up to WM), but by the time she stuck her hand in Trish's crotch, faced the crowd and licked her fingers, they were totally behind her. As Bret Hart was uncomfortable participating in the Hall of Fame ceremony, Josh and I were "uncomfortable standing up after the Women's Title match".

Next up, the lights drop and the bell tolls, which can only mean...



You can probably guess how this went. The main highlights of the match were Josh screaming out the following two things, both of which were timed to take advantage of bouts of relative silence in the crowd:

(after Henry bodyslams Taker) "okay, now BREAK HIS SPINE, MARK HENRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YEAH, EAT HIM MARK HENRY, EAT HIM ALL IN ONE BITE!!!!!!!!!!!"

After the second comment, the results of a short side discussion found us in agreement on the fact that the only way we could accept an Undertaker loss at WrestleMania would be if that actually happened, along with the vomiting of a half-digested Undertaker into the casket and the subsequent closing of the lid. Undertaker still has one of best entrances ever, and it was cool to see him continue his streak in person.


The Shawn Michaels vs. Vince match was preceded by a sketch with the whole McMahon family, in which they had the "first ever McMahon family prayer"... which Vince started with, "God - I don't like You, and You don't like me!" Then he says he's going to send God's favorite wrestler (HBK) to the fiery depths of hell. You can probably guess how this went, too. McMahon bleeds a lot, and loses after a HUGE spot in which Michaels elbow-dropped him through a table off a fifteen-foot ladder while Vince had a trash can over his head.

That was "HOLY SHIT!!!" #3... it was as good as it sounds, with a big pop for the DX chop that preceded it. Shawn originally brought out a six-foot ladder, and had it all set up, until he shook his head and threw it out of the ring, going back under the apron for the Jeff Hardy-strength ladder. Every time Shawn went outside for weapons, he sould punch Shane, who was handcuffed to the ropes after a failed interference attempt resulted him being beaten with his own kendo stick and chained to the ring.

Shawn chases off the EMTs that ran out after the big elbow, props up Vince and sends him off to meet Jesus with a Superkick at the 20-minute mark. I tried to get pictures of Shawn coming off the ladder, but they just didn't come out. As a consolation, enjoy this picture of Kane & Big Show's entrance from an earlier match which I didn't write about:




The World Title match with Kurt Angle, Randy Orton & Rey Mysterio was second-to-last... Mysterio came out wearing an Incan headdress for some reason. Good match, but not too many surprises, with Rey winning the title after a 6-1-9 and West Coast Pop on Orton. Crowd was into his win, but there were so many "Eddie" chants that you'd think Guerrero won it himself. Seemed to overshadow his win a little, but it got the crowd going, which primed us for the main event, Triple H vs. John Cena.


For a WM main event, it was largely uneventful, except for one thing - the crowd. The crowd MADE this match. They were absolutely RABID for this one, each guy's fans practically foaming at the mouth to outscream the other faction. Every "Let's Go Cena!" was answered with a louder "Cena SUCKS!!" (the crowd was about 80-20 in favor of HHH) or a "FUCK YOU CENA!!!" Even the thirteen-year old girl in front of me was in on the "FU" chants, which I changed into "WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" during one exchange.

Triple H came out sort of dressed like Conan the Barbarian... he was on a throne and had a crown lined with a bunch of crosses. He also has NEW MUSIC, which invokes the "New Music" rule - whenever you get new music at a PPV, you ALWAYS go over... but wait!!! Stupidly, after the first minute of the new song, it reverts into his standard "all about The Game" song! What will become!!?! Cena comes out with an equally over-the-top entrance, dressed as a 20s gangster, complete with a fedora and tommy gun. It's all about Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. Or is it all about The Game???

The crowd was all about The Game, and went fucking insane from the moment the bell rang. They were into EVERY punch, EVERY hold, EVERY move. Nothing went without a reaction. There were a few minutes at the beginning where Cena and HHH just circled each other, looking up into the crowd as we tore each other apart cheering back and forth. By the last third of the match, the whole place was standing - it was incredible. The music cue finally proved to be Triple H's undoing, as he tapped out to Cena and a seriously pissed off crowd after about 15 minutes. Proving once again that you don't fuck with either the New Tights or New Music rules.

The crowd filters out of building, but Josh and I stay, basking in the afterglow of WrestleMania as the ring crew takes apart the squared circle, until security tells us we have to leave the arena. Maybe we'll hear the same again thing in ten years, which is about how long it takes WrestleMania to come back to Chicago. Or will we hear it next year in Detroit, at WM23... Josh? Ken?? Ian???