It's Out of Control!!!

I made a comment a few posts ago about something that has become fashionable that really bothers me, and I've noticed it has recently gone from being merely a fad to an out and out fucking obsession. I am talking about the state of women's sunglasses. They just keep getting bigger!!

BONER!!!

First of all, no person should have bigger sunglasses than a blind person. Blind people need to wear dark glasses to let you know that they can't see. For reference purposes, I will use someone who is pretty universiallay reknowned for being cool:

RAY F'N CHARLES!!!!!

Noone will deny that Ray Charles was blind. Noone can deny that because of this impediment he wore some big damn sunglasses. This is as big as sunglasses can get, right?

Wrong. The fashion world has gone crazy. A few examples:

This is Jada Pinkett Someone, from some movie that came out a couple of years ago. Her sunglasses are more than an acceptable size. They say "I Have style" not "Fuck! I left my cane at home and now I need to be led across the street." These sunglasses say "Sassy sans bitchiness." Her sunglasses, combined with the fact that she is pointing a gun at me, lead me to believe that her sunglasses are great. I could probably at least strike up a conversation with her, if not take her home. After all, was does her significant other have that I don't have? I give her 1/2 a Ray, for her glasses being about 1/2 Ray's size. Supercool. On to the next subject:

SOOOUUUP!!!

Okay. This is where the shit gets started. This lady is sporting 1.5 Rays. As the acceptable limit is 1 Ray, these sunglasses are too large. This look says "I may be a bitch, or I may just be protecting my eyes from the harmful effects of UV rays." Either that or "Oxygen has stopped circulating in my bloodstream. Get someone to give me CPR. No. Someone handsomer than you." If I could go a week without gratifying myself, I might have the courage or desperation to ask her about her eyewear/preexisting medical condition. I don't think glasses get much bigger than this, so lets move on to number 3....

For some reason,

POOP!!!