The Road From WrestleMania

Josh Realizes Boyhood Dream, Makes It To WrestleMania
Reads WM recap on blog -- resulting smile found to be chronic, unremovable

[click on any of the images to see them full-size]



"BIG TIME" was the official subtitle for WreslteMania 22, using the Peter Gabriel song of the same name as its theme. A little weird, but it worked. It also accurately described the pricing for parking and concessions at the event.

For some reason the Allstate Arena looked way bigger for Mania than it did for most other events. Maybe it's because every last seat was sold and they had gigantic banners of everyone who was in a match at Wrestlemania 22 hanging from the ceiling all around the arena. To quote the guy from ESPN Classic, it "was an EPIC!!!!!!!" The crowd knew they were in the presence of greatness, and the atmosphere was electric as the lights went down and crushing pyrotechnics loud enough to kill the elderly from 200 yards away ushered us into the 22nd WRESTLEMANIA!!!!




The six-man Ladder Match (with the winner getting a World Title shot they can use anytime, anywhere) was definitely a highlight, producing one of the evening's three "HOLY SHIT!!!" chants when Shelton Benjamin balanched the ladder on the ropes, ran up it and hit a somersault plancha onto the crowd on the floor. As expected, this match was pretty much all big spots, with a RVD frog-splash from the top of the ladder, guys falling off ladders to the outside, and an AWESOME spot where Benjamin (again) jumped up from the outside and bounced off the top rope to land perfectly on the fourth rung of a ladder facing RVD, as RVD was climbing up for the briefcase.

Even Flair took a huge suplex from near the top of a ladder, after which they carried him off injured. He came back out a short time later, only to eventually fall asleep in the corner (he was down for what seemed like 5 minutes). RVD wins it. Big face reception for him after and during the match - there were lots of "R-V-D" and "E-C-W" chants.

2006 Hall of Fame induction ceremony was next. No Bret Hart, who was "uncomfortable participating in tonight's event". Josh gets another $7 beer.

JBL vs. Chris Benoit for the US title was only really notable for revealing that the entrance ramp was rigged to elevate, doing so to let JBL's limo (complete with bull horns on the hood) out to ringside. Match was just okay, but no one really cared too much either way since it was sandwiched in between the Ladder Match and the Hardcore Match between Edge & Mick Foley.

Mick's annual trip out of retirement to do something insane at Wrestlemania didn't disappoint, and provided several of the show's highlights. Let's just get this out of the way now - Edge speared Mick Foley off the ring apron through a flaming table to win the match. Okay, I feel better not holding that in. This obviously yielded the second (and loudest) "HOLY SHIT!!!" of the night. Plenty of blood, plenty of barbed wire (including a barbed wire Socko which bloodied both Edge AND Lita!), and plenty of tacks in Edge's back as he took a reverse backdrop onto a huge pile of them. Tons of "FO-LEY!!" and "Cactus Jack!!!" chants throughout the match as well.

They pummeled each other with Barbie (the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, for anyone who doesn't know) throughout the match, and Mick took the usual "flying over the ring steps after smashing into them knees-first" spot which I still think is crazy. Another crazy spot was when Lita jumped on Foley's back, but he still ran towards the ropes and clotheslined Edge, sending all three over to the floor.

At the end, Foley stood on the apron soaking the table in lighter fluid, but before he can do anything else, Lita hits him in the knee with Barbie, grabs a lighter and starts the blaze!! Foley turns around just in time to meet the oncoming Edge - BOOM!!!!!!!



Big applause at the end for both guys, even though Edge won. As Foley walked up the ramp afterward, a big "Thank you Foley!!" chant started up... he seemed genuinely surprised and grateful to the crowd, and gave us a couple of "Bang-BANGs" before leaving.


Boogeyman vs. Booker T was next. I didn't get this match at all, and I have no idea how Boogeyman is even in the Federation. It's like stepping back in time to the early 90s with this one - imagine a cross between Papa Shango and one of the guys from Demolition, and that's a good start. Also, he carries around a huge clock, so I guess add a little bit of Flava Flav in there as well. His gimmick is that he eats worms and people are afraid of him. I'm not making this up. Booker T got killed in this match which was basically a wash.

Josh provided the best part of the match, which was to start chanting "WE WANT WORMS!!" Someone a few rows in front of us yelled back, "you already GOT worms". Josh: "Oh. I'VE GOT WORMS!! I'VE GOT WORMS!!!"


Next was the Women's Title match between Trish and newcomer Mickie James, who I'd never heard of before but is one of the best Divas to come along in a while. She and Trish put on one of the better Women's matches in recent memory, though the crowd was the most interesting part - by the end of the match, they HATED Trish (who was the face) and were cheering everything Mickie did to take Trish's belt, which she did.

The story was that Mickie (check out her WWE mini-site here) came into the Federation as an obsessed Trish fan, and after Trish told her to back off she snapped and started stalking her. Maybe it was a fresh face, maybe Mickie James played a great psycho (I didn't see any episodes of RAW leading up to WM), but by the time she stuck her hand in Trish's crotch, faced the crowd and licked her fingers, they were totally behind her. As Bret Hart was uncomfortable participating in the Hall of Fame ceremony, Josh and I were "uncomfortable standing up after the Women's Title match".

Next up, the lights drop and the bell tolls, which can only mean...



You can probably guess how this went. The main highlights of the match were Josh screaming out the following two things, both of which were timed to take advantage of bouts of relative silence in the crowd:

(after Henry bodyslams Taker) "okay, now BREAK HIS SPINE, MARK HENRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YEAH, EAT HIM MARK HENRY, EAT HIM ALL IN ONE BITE!!!!!!!!!!!"

After the second comment, the results of a short side discussion found us in agreement on the fact that the only way we could accept an Undertaker loss at WrestleMania would be if that actually happened, along with the vomiting of a half-digested Undertaker into the casket and the subsequent closing of the lid. Undertaker still has one of best entrances ever, and it was cool to see him continue his streak in person.


The Shawn Michaels vs. Vince match was preceded by a sketch with the whole McMahon family, in which they had the "first ever McMahon family prayer"... which Vince started with, "God - I don't like You, and You don't like me!" Then he says he's going to send God's favorite wrestler (HBK) to the fiery depths of hell. You can probably guess how this went, too. McMahon bleeds a lot, and loses after a HUGE spot in which Michaels elbow-dropped him through a table off a fifteen-foot ladder while Vince had a trash can over his head.

That was "HOLY SHIT!!!" #3... it was as good as it sounds, with a big pop for the DX chop that preceded it. Shawn originally brought out a six-foot ladder, and had it all set up, until he shook his head and threw it out of the ring, going back under the apron for the Jeff Hardy-strength ladder. Every time Shawn went outside for weapons, he sould punch Shane, who was handcuffed to the ropes after a failed interference attempt resulted him being beaten with his own kendo stick and chained to the ring.

Shawn chases off the EMTs that ran out after the big elbow, props up Vince and sends him off to meet Jesus with a Superkick at the 20-minute mark. I tried to get pictures of Shawn coming off the ladder, but they just didn't come out. As a consolation, enjoy this picture of Kane & Big Show's entrance from an earlier match which I didn't write about:




The World Title match with Kurt Angle, Randy Orton & Rey Mysterio was second-to-last... Mysterio came out wearing an Incan headdress for some reason. Good match, but not too many surprises, with Rey winning the title after a 6-1-9 and West Coast Pop on Orton. Crowd was into his win, but there were so many "Eddie" chants that you'd think Guerrero won it himself. Seemed to overshadow his win a little, but it got the crowd going, which primed us for the main event, Triple H vs. John Cena.


For a WM main event, it was largely uneventful, except for one thing - the crowd. The crowd MADE this match. They were absolutely RABID for this one, each guy's fans practically foaming at the mouth to outscream the other faction. Every "Let's Go Cena!" was answered with a louder "Cena SUCKS!!" (the crowd was about 80-20 in favor of HHH) or a "FUCK YOU CENA!!!" Even the thirteen-year old girl in front of me was in on the "FU" chants, which I changed into "WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" during one exchange.

Triple H came out sort of dressed like Conan the Barbarian... he was on a throne and had a crown lined with a bunch of crosses. He also has NEW MUSIC, which invokes the "New Music" rule - whenever you get new music at a PPV, you ALWAYS go over... but wait!!! Stupidly, after the first minute of the new song, it reverts into his standard "all about The Game" song! What will become!!?! Cena comes out with an equally over-the-top entrance, dressed as a 20s gangster, complete with a fedora and tommy gun. It's all about Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. Or is it all about The Game???

The crowd was all about The Game, and went fucking insane from the moment the bell rang. They were into EVERY punch, EVERY hold, EVERY move. Nothing went without a reaction. There were a few minutes at the beginning where Cena and HHH just circled each other, looking up into the crowd as we tore each other apart cheering back and forth. By the last third of the match, the whole place was standing - it was incredible. The music cue finally proved to be Triple H's undoing, as he tapped out to Cena and a seriously pissed off crowd after about 15 minutes. Proving once again that you don't fuck with either the New Tights or New Music rules.

The crowd filters out of building, but Josh and I stay, basking in the afterglow of WrestleMania as the ring crew takes apart the squared circle, until security tells us we have to leave the arena. Maybe we'll hear the same again thing in ten years, which is about how long it takes WrestleMania to come back to Chicago. Or will we hear it next year in Detroit, at WM23... Josh? Ken?? Ian???