WERE ALMOST ONE DAY AWAY!!!!!

Santa's Slay Ride Just Got a Theme Song

2010 - THE YEAR WE MAKE CONTACT

Who needs to know the language? NOT ME.

Ken, hang on to your hat...

...literally. Soon it will be a collector's item. No word on whether Maneuvers will remain in the area.

One of these things is not like the other ...

PLEASE DROP LANCE MOORE

PICK UP STEPHENS-HOWLING

DROP DEVIN AROMASHODU

PICK UP LANCE MOOORE

PLEASE DROP ADROMASHADPU

Pick up Lance Moore

PLEASE DROP AROMASHADU

Pick up Lance Moore.

Maybe my favorite thing of the Millennium

Imagine Ray Lewis Lying On Top Of You

Well, sadly this doesn't take it quite that far but it still made me think of that now infamous saying ... CLICK HERE DAMMIT

If Mick Foley ever ran for office...

This is all because of me...

I need to go back to his grave and do whatever a reverse fart is on it.

Oooooooooh GOD!

Nintendo announces new Wii Shit

Originally scheduled to debut at 2010's E3, this Labor Day weekend Nintendo finally unveiled the much-anticipated follow-up to its acclaimed Wii Fit software, which has sold over 20 million copies worldwide. With the new Wii Shit, consumers will fit a heavy-gauge plastic toilet shell over the Wii Balance Board peripheral, which will be used to measure force, density and consistency of player excrement.

The video demonstration revealed several game modes within the core software, such as "King of the Can", where players race to be the first to lay down a full pound onto the Balance Board, and "Last Man Sitting", where up to 4 players each attempt to eat as many plates of refried beans as possible before giving up, falling onto the floor or losing consciousness. Online leaderboards will allow players to upload their statistics and see how they stack up against others around the world.

Third party support for the peripheral is expected to be strong for the holiday launch, with Konami announcing a binge drinking title which they claim will utilize the new hardware in "inventive and disgusting ways", and UHS developing "Virtual Swirlie". As a bonus, 180 free Rock Band or Guitar Hero song downloads from Upstream Premium Division, Drunken Stupor and Captain Darkwheat will be included with the first one hundred thousand copies.

Announcements regarding Sony's "PlayStation Deuce" and Microsoft's "Project Fecal" are expected later this week.

Has this Lebowski thing gone too far?

I dunno, but it has on waterskis and there is a shark in the water.

Just Wanted to Post this.

It makes me happy.

NO! I'm only a child!

Yes. This is happening. In California.

LORD HUMONGOUS!

new iPhone commercial

Just saw an iPhone 4 commercial (I don't watch a lot of TV, OK?) that showcases video calling, and am submitting a couple of simple ideas for improvement. I guess this is supposed to be about how your wife telling you she's pregnant is much better if you can also watch her tell you as she's telling you over the phone. Anyway, additions are in red.

--
Man: "Hey, what's goin' on sweetie?"

Woman: "Hey, do you got a minute?"

Man: "Yeah."

Woman: "Are you alone?"

Man: "Yeah..."

Woman: "Well, you know that 'thing' we've been working on for a while now?"

Man: "..."

Woman: (smiling and nodding)



Woman: "Your brother and I took care of it while you were at that stupid StarCraft II convention last weekend."

Man: (laughs) "No way... really?"

Woman: "Yes."

Man: "Really."

Woman: "Mmm-hmm!!"

Man: "You f****** b****."

- iPhone 4 -

YEAHHH!!! FOOTBALL!!! WORK THAT SHIT!!!!

(Yeah, it looks like they're jerking off)

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Here is a collection of fan reactions after the United States scored the winning goal at (nearly) the last minute against Algeria at the world cup. I love how in every video, people go insane, and then break out into a U-S-A Chant.

This Could Be Interesting.

Who needs an Xbox or PS3 anymore? Just connect over the internet.

Live sound is the best sound

Ian, something to add to your collection...

WHITESNAKE Wine Coming in July

Got some time on your hands?

This guy took it to the next level ...

Kevin, you are welcome.

This will be the coolest dang thing you watch all day.

A Terrible Injustice...and how it can be corrected.

I don't know if anybody saw this, but on what should have been the last play of the THIRD perfect game this season, the umpire blew the call. Saying blew the call doesn't really do it justice, it's more like "DO YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!?!?"

The talk now of course is going to be about instant replay. That's one solution. But there are ways this call could have been corrected without instant replay.

First of all, the Umpire, Jim Joyce, has been an umpire for 22 years. I don't want to seem disrespectful, because he admit he blew the call afterward, and I am sure he feels terrible, but he is gettin' up there. It's similar to the stories of elderly drivers who get behind the wheel and then plow into something. They shouldn't have been behind the wheel. Jim Joyce, he may be a nice guy, but when you blow calls like this, it's time to get off the field and hand the keys to someone else. Baseball doesn't necessarily need instant replays...it needs younger umpires. A 35 year old should be able to memorize the rulebook and run a game just as, if not more, efficiently than a 55 year old. Physically, the younger man should also be better able to handle the demands of moving around the field and the marathon schedules that are required of Major League Umpires. They could ump for 15 years and call it a career at 50.

But what about experience? This incident proves that experience is overrated. As mentioned, this guy has been an ump for 22 years, and none of that experience helped him make the proper call at the right time. His experience was worthless in the most crucial moment.

Maybe you like the older, more dignified umps. I figure they get 97-99% of the calls right, and that's pretty good. So what else can we do? In every other sport, when there is a crucial call, usually the officials will get together and talk it over. In basketball, they huddle around the scorers table, in football, they confer with the referee after a flag has been thrown. This helps to cover their ass and ensure correctness in the decision. How many times in the NFL has a flag been thrown, they have a conference, then the ref gets on his mic and says "there is no penalty on the play?" About once a week. In baseball there is none of this. Maybe Jim Joyce got confused and threw the safe sign by mistake. In baseball, that call is irrefutable. Not even the umpire can overturn his own call. I guarantee you Jim would have loved to have been able to huddle up with the other umps, who could have overruled him. Or at least they could have said "Uhhhh...Jim...he looked out buddy. Are you sure you want to stick with that call?" Jim would have had an avenue to reverse his decision and cover his ass.

Now he is just a goat. And the game, and Gallaraga, are all the poorer for it.

The Best of Year 5

While there were no posts that will probably make 2015's Best of the Decade list, there was some tasty wheat to be found among the comments of the Year 5 wreckage. So feast your eyes on these... at ease.

Jerking Off Hamsters - Ken hadn't yet thought of putting a toilet on his head and uploading a picture of it, so he posted this.

OH MY GAWD, KING! - The focus quickly shifts from a tragic news story to NES Pro Wrestling. Only at UGIJF.

And now, your Chris Kasch moment of zen.... - Josh can only find Zen with a remote in on hand...

My Superbowl Pick - I wasn't going to include this until I read the last two comments.

Bloodsport: The Band - I quite simply love this.

Blogger Profiles - collected here for your reference:

The Stranger
Full Force
General Anacock
Upgrayedd


Now... piss yourself.

Ozzy's Still got it

GRIM Revisited! !

This motherfucker is a monster. A monster who can phase through walls. Plus, this monster has has some totally bitchin' theme music. This movie sucked.

Want Some Tacos to go with that Suplex?

Any of you make it to San Diego, we gotta go here!!! (I haven't been yet but will make the journey very, very soon.

The end of Lost

Well, now that Lost is over I will be forced to rely on books to provide me with epic storytelling, and the Internet to provide me with weekly glimpses of Evangeline Lilly's splendid booty.

In case you didn't watch the show, it turns out that all the characters' lives were being made up as they went along by five guys on a blog site. The finale took place in a Starbucks and had a giant mechanical dog named Slayer.

Meat Market 2010: Texas De Brazilliant

Friday, May 28th.   7:00pm

Texas De Brazil, Schaumburg, IL

Sex photos observed!

As HOG spills and thrills at will!

Ok, someone explain the whole Highlander premise to me again.

Haven't seen the movies in forever, but I just don't understand the endgame.  So, you kill all the highlanders and then what?  There can be only one and now you're destined to roam the earth, never die, and catch every STD known to man.  I just don't get it.

Firefox anyone?

I haven't been able to post comments or view the Facebook sidebar for a while on our blog ... anyone else having issues with this (Firefox or otherwise)?

These are still out there!

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=ZTzbp5rY8kEu

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=uEbFR5cLQ7zz

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=Ndqfw26nO125

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=bRSG9ckGXame

Bill the beer thief!!!

Hide your beer!!!!

Location : 1650 Peter Ln, Romeoville, IL 60446,

Rao The Conqueror?!?!?!!

MOBILE BLAU!!!!

Year 5 Post Statistics

"Too much stuff, and not enough stuff!!" *PYRO*

This post emanates LIVE from the UGIJF branch office in Chicago, where we've worked non-stop for the last 4 minutes to bring you the ultimate results from the half-decade mark! There were 55 total posts, which is 999,945 short of our goal of one million. Here's how it all beaks down:

19 - That's gotta be KEN!!
17 - Surgio Salerno
14 - Heartbreak Kev
5 - E.N. Forbes (he's in your mom)
0 - Diggity Dan


Fucking shit, I thought I had you guys. I TRIED SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!

Full Force Hits 33

Congrats dude! You've reached another palindromic age plateau. :) Do yourself a favor and have someone treat you to a showing of "Kick-Ass". I'll let the others add some imagery and debauchery.

I am not sure what to make of this...

MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH!

Another Post!

This should make you laugh!!!

Green Light that SH*T!!!

Bloodsport: The Band

Who better than Kanyon?!

Everyone who is currently NOT dead.

LOOK AT THIS FIRST!

Video Game Programmers are a holes.

LOOK AT THIS!

Credit Weekly World News.

SOMEONE POST SOMETHING FOR CHRISTSAKES!!!!!

Or Kevin, join Facebook.



That is all.

Blogger Profiles: Upgrayedd

Real Name: Definitely Dan

Age: of Aquarius

Sex: In a Burger King bathroom

Location: Around the way

Likes: Money, women, cars, power, money

Dislikes: Kittens, Things that make you say 'hmmmm'

Favorite Sports Team: Milwaukee Beers

Favorite "Forbes": Tickle Me Forbes.

Favorite Posse Moments: Stopping the Internet with a piece of paper, Voltron commentary, Mattress Wars

Worst College Moments: The times I had to pause my video game and/or put down a beer and go to class

Goals in Life: To bring sexy back

Movie that defines my life: Rad

Twix or Kit Kat?: Skat Kat

Duane Bickett / Marshall from How I Met Your Mother

Separated at birth???

edit by Full Force - I think you need to add some Bruce Campbell into the mix. See below. Possible new names for this guy: Bruce Bickett, MarshCampball, Duane Ash (Duash?)

KEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

THIRTY-THREE YEARS OF NIZUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogger Profile: General Anacock

Real Name: NOT Kevin

Age: Size + 2

Sex: Yes please.

Location: on the off ramp, waiting to clean off your windshield with my urine.

Likes: to move it move it

Dislikes: Kevin Hurley, Josh Jones, Ian Forbes, Dan Bowers, Duane Bickett

Favorite Sports Team: The Chicago one that doesn't suck.

Favorite "Forbes": Sleepy Grampa Forbes in his recliner.

Favorite Posse Moments: Writing some of the greatest songs never published, our absurd ritual send off for Ethan, Creating this blog.

Worst College Moments: they all involved drinking heavily and regretting it, but recently I recalled 'Long Island Iced Tea' night. Ugh.

Goals in Life: to be the best....around......nothin's ever gonna get me down!

Movie that defines my life: The Big Lebowski

Twix or Kit Kat?: Fuck You. Reeses FTW.

Blogger Profiles: Full Force

Real Name: different than Ken's

Age: younger than Ken

Sex:

Location: All up in yo' shit.

Likes: rejecting the null hypothesis, parties, not playing the horn

Dislikes: a balanced breakfast, huge pectoral muscles, playing the horn

Favorite Sports Team: Tactical Chunder

Favorite "Forbes": Ian Velociraptor Forbes

Favorite Posse Moments: "Mortal Kombatting" the wellness floor, the Purdue 3 road trip & video, calling into WRBU

Worst College Moments: the aftermath of the "Hero of the Day" party, "Hell at the Bell" never happening

Goals in Life: to be nobody's lunch!

Movie that defines my life: My Algonquin

Twix or Kit Kat?: Close, but Kit Kat.

It took 9 months, but it finally went viral...

My weatherman is the shizz. If you remember I posted about this guy 9 months ago. Go ahead...go back in time and check it out.

And now...Direct from the Yahoo! Homepage...

My Superbowl Pick

This year's Super Bowl seems to be a contest between one's head and one's heart. Your brain knows that Peyton Manning is the second coming of Joe Montana, and possibly the greatest QB to ever put on whatever pants QB's wear. But your heart knows that the Saints are hungry for a Superbowl win to unite their previously submerged city, and it yearns to see a happy ending to an uplifting story of redemption. The Colts are boring, cold, and clinical. The Saints are alive, mixing up their offensive gameplan.

Well, the Colts don't fucking care. The fact is, as nice as you are, you are standing between a Manning and a trophy, and you goin to get messed up. Plus, I am from Indy. REPRESENT!

Colts 59 (They score 7 touchdowns and successfully attempt the 2 point conversion on all of them plus one FG for old man Stover).

Saints 9 (3 FG's)

NOW who do I draft at QB next year??

Warner retires after 12-year NFL career

Did we peak too early?

So, this band called .357 Lover made a song about Event Horizon ... which made me wonder if we went to college 10 years later, would "Tasty Wheat" have made it to YouTube? ... which reminded me that I was playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and ran across a guy whose PSN gamer tag was Whiskey Dick, though he thought I was making fun of him every time I said "Ohhh, Whiskey Dick!", which was a lot of times.

Next up on IMPACT: Scott Hall eats himself!!!

Anyone else see this lame attempt by TNA to bring up the ratings? They're basically showcasing talent that is 25 years past their prime (Nash, Hall, Hogan, Flair - even Foley), meanwhile saying 'oh yeah, and here are our regular wrestlers, they're here too. They even ditched the 6 sided ring to accommodate Hogan. Granted, WWE is no longer up to par in terms of entertainment value, but these wrestlers that TNA is bringing in are really, really, really old this time. It's not just Ric Flair circa 2000 old, or Hogan circa post-80's old. But anyways, I'm just hoping that Fat Razor Ramon makes it into the next TNA game. If not, we can build him. We have the hilarity.

Metallica rolling over in their pre-bought coffins

So, this group decided to cover "Battery" ... well ... yeah ... just click here ... or don't.