Prison Break

Did anyone catch the pilot of this Monday night on FOX? I saw
just about all of it and thought it was pretty good. Like Ken said
about "Wanted", you get a lot of characters you'd expect in this
type of show - the warden who the main character can help in
some way, the guard with a chip on his shoulder, the cellmate
with a heart of gold, the pretty, sympathetic nurse, the creepy
guy who wants to have buttsecks with the main character, and
the crime boss inmate with connections to the outside (played
by Peter Stormare, who you may or may not remember for his
portrayal of a mightily ridiculous version of Satan in "Constantine"
earlier this year).

I enjoy these types of dramas if they're done well (The Shawshank
Redemption remains one of my favorite films) and I think this one
has potential. I do wish they'd kept the "conspiracy" aspect of the
show a little more under wraps at first (you find out in the first
hour that the government is behind the wrongful conviction of
the lead's brother), but perhaps they're planning to unveil something
better down the line. Plus, if you've seen it, you have to admit that
the idea of tattoos that are both badass and functional is a pretty
cool one.

The Sobering Conclusion: "The 40 Year Old Virgin"

If you haven't already, do yourselves a favor and go see The 40 Year Old Virgin.

Peter!!!...Whaaats Happening....

Show: Wanted
When: Sundays 9c
Where: TNT

More Info: http://alt.tnt.tv/tntoriginals/wanted/site/

I've been watching this show for four weeks now and I'm diggin' it. It scratches my "Police Dramedy" itch that I've been suffering through due to Law and Order and CSI becoming boring to me. The main character is played by Gary Cole - who you will no doubt remember as Mike Brady in the Brady Bunch Movies.......no? Ok, he was the boss in Office Space.... OH YEAH! Now you remember. The show is about a group of agents from all the local and national agencies you can think of that band together and work on hauling in the top 100 criminals in the nation. It's your usual COP formula: The tough leader, the hispanic, the white trash, the aggressive uber-religious guy, the fat and pierced computer nerd, the hot-ass chick, the bitch D.A., the bitch but horny ex-wife, and the Commishioner-type character played by the guy who played 'Bucho' in Desperado.

Bottom line, I enjoy the show, and I think you will too. Check it out.

If you need back episodes, go to http://www.tvtorrents.com

Honorable mention goes to 'Over There' on FX. A show about the ongoing Iraq war. The jury is still out on that one though.

Microsoft Is Hilarious

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/238693_msftteleo31.html

Not that Google is all powerful and without faults, but Microsoft just friggin' cracks me up. Recently, Google expanded its domain by adding 'Google Talk', which is an IM client that also allows you to talk over the 'net for free. So what does Microsoft do? As per the article above, they go out and BUY another company. This is Microsoft's entire strategy? I wonder how their meetings go:

Robot 1: Ok, well, our guy on the street says Google has decided to expand into the IM market and their client will allow voice chat over the Internet

Robot 2: Buy Teleo.

Robot 1: Good Thinkin'!

Next Day:

Robot 1: Hey, sounds like Google has decided to move part of their operations to China to take advantage of the new economy sprouting up there.

Robot 2: Buy China

Robot 1: Good Thinkin'!

I WILL EAT YOU!

Seriously, come closer.

CHOMP!

The British are dumb

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9132814/
After reading this article, I realize I went to the wrong schools.

Why does everybody have Diablo II besides me?

Ya know, whenever I hear someone say the phrase 'Man, I'm starving', I'll always flash back to that one Onion Point/Counterpoint article that has the starving Ethiopean child vs. the normal guy/girl whatever. That was hilarious. What makes it more hilarious is usually the person that I overhear talking about themselves starving looks like a human Lay-Z-Boy recliner...you know, the REAL puffy ones.

On an unrelated note, I pose this question to the blog: Is there such a thing as having 'enough' of something? I was specifically thinking about the things I have vs. the things other people have, and how it is interesting how what everyone else has is more attractive than what you have. For example, I have an Xbox and a Gamecube, but I want a PS2. I have a car that runs fine, but I want a new one. I have fast internet service, but I want FASTER internet service. Alot of it comes down to this: my neighbor has a PSP and Comcast internet, and tons of games, and a HDTV projector. Plenty 'o things to covet. BUT -- he also has credit card debt, which I don't. So who's the winner there? Could I actually get to a point where I amass enough crap to where I'd be happier? It's an intriguing topic. I think the answer is no. It's human nature (and ESPECIALLY American nature) to want MORE and MORE. I think if you really meditate on it though, and you picture yourself with all the worldly possesions you'd ever want, you'd get bored. Realistically, I'd never have time to enjoy all that crap. If I did choose to enjoy all that crap, I'd never leave the house. If I never left the house, I'd be Michael Bradley.

So what is my point? I have no clue. Maybe you do - and I'm envious of that.

Animation Reparations

While I was sitting on the floor eating dinner I found that I hadn't seen the first Family Guy that aired tonight (where Lois becomes a model), so I'm going to comment on what I thought was funny as if it were all brand new:

"No, I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck"

Peter: "That's great Lois, and I'll pleasure myself to your photos!"
Chris: "Me too!!"
Meg: "Me too! ... ...I'm just trying to fit in!"

Quagmire to the old model agent (pointing to her tracheotomy): "ever get freaky with that thing?"

"Peter, I just got a wax this afternoon, and let's just say, 'you're clear for landing'!!"
Quagmire (offscreen): "giggity!"

God's reply to Adam and Eve when asked about the tree in the Garden of Eden : "You know, I would just not go near it at all" (pan out to reveal stacks of porn)

Lois' dad making Peter eat a pinecone. "Finish it, eat it all!!!" "It's awful!!"



SPOOGE!!!!!!!!!

Pearl Harbor sucked...

Almost as much as I love you...doo doo doo de doo do..sorry. I know I'm still in college working on college stuff but I'd like to start at LEAST concpetualizing or outlining our goals for our future company aka UH$ex. I feel that now most MMO's and other games require a capital well past 20 big ones (or is it 20 large) as in 20 MIL we should be well prepared to all throw our balls in and see what happens. And for the record I'm glad Full Force still posts here. He's the only one that keeps me grounded. And by grounded I mean confident, wise, erroneously, pontificated, deoxyribonucleated and condensermyjohnson.

In other words it couldn't hurt to revisit our ideas before our site gets "flagged" too many time by the new button in the upperighthand corner. Our posts can only survive in the wild so long not unlike the way SNAAAAKE survived the tanker level. MG2 was a great game but the story left me a bit confused when the got to the lallyleulilolan part. Anyone know what I'm talking about? No? Please keep reading.

Pretend for a second I was never a part of your life. Got it? Now let it go because I'm not fucking going anywhere. As much as Tanner taught me at OX, I believe I learned more about life when I was holding on to the toilet bowl on my 21st birthday than I did with any conversation I had with him. Then again he did tell me to go back to class. Which I did. For a day.

But that's beside the point, you see I don't fill our great blog with verbose, overdone, cliche, trite, meaningless meander that would only just eek its way out of one of Ken's roommates mouths. No, I ask for more. I want to be free from the gaming laws that hold us down. Imagine if you well a gaming console with no controller. Think of the freedom vaporware will have on our audience. Add in the cost savings by bundling in no controller and we have a winner. Kids standing in front of their tv realizing they were screwed out of $400 just because a couple Bradley grads and one dropout came up with the idea first.

The fact is gentlemen, we are ideas men. And as long as we live our ideas will permeate each others membranes until we have created in ourselves the most perfect understanding of what a videogame should be- and at the last, I will be there to form the head. While the rest of you are getting it.


"Why is Dan Bowers using the phone?"

"Ok Ian, I'm gonna kick the door in and you look scared" and Ian locked the door thus locking me out.

"I think the stove is on. Yes it's definitely on because that brown bag is now on fire- oh my God that could be in party 64!"

"I disconnected the internet but he figured that out so I put this piece of paper in the port. He hasn't figured that out yet."

"Hi my name is Ken." "Hi Ken, is your roommate a cool guy?" "No."

"I had to keep getting up and going to the fountain for water. I think there's salt in it."

"Dude, stoner just threw a trashcan on Bradley and all Bradley told Hapa was 'I didn't see who did I just saw sandals.'"

and the one thing I never said:

"Well, I'm off to the library."

I LIVE!!

I'm back online and ready to resume assault on the blog!! I've got DSL through SBC in house and look forward to revisiting all the unearthly delights contained herein. Right now I'm going to read through the 5,000 movie reviews that are probably up on Ian's site. Feel free to browse old posts and read the inane comments I've left there... it will be like a special re-release of a post with bonus material (which isn't worth the price), or a game you sucked at as a kid which you can now get further in. Which reminds me, I've still never beaten Blaster Master...

The Sobering Conclusion: "Grizzly Man"

Since it opened at my theatre today, I stuck around and caught the late show of Grizzly Man. One bonus for this film that had me going was that the guy in the film attended Bradley University.

That's right, all the kooks attend BU, baby! Oh, and I believe they say he started to develop his drinking problem there. If he had attended 10 years later, I bet Ken would have had him for a roommate.

The Initial Response: Supercross

I don't know what to say about this movie except that it looks like it was made about 10 years too late. It would have fit right in in 1995 with the new X games generation. I bet afterwords, impressionable kids will be leaving the theater, saying things like "That was off the chain" or "I live on the edge and I always look down" or "Fab540" or other EXXXXTREME phrases. I honestly don't know what the story is suppposed to be, but I bet the following:

1. There are EXXXXXTREEEEME Camera tricks like one would see on MTV. Slow down shots, Blurry shots, High speed shots, All kinds of messed up camera angles.

2. There are two characters who are rival motocross drivers dislike each other intensely. Despite the fact there are multiple racers involved in each contest, every race will somehow come down to a contest between only these two. The protaganist will probably lose at first, have a montage about capturing life on the edge, get a girlfriend and then win the final race.

3. There will be a product placement for Moutain Dew and some kind of pizza.

4. Hank will down another bag of hammers after this one.

I don't know who is in this movie. I don't care. The only reason I would see it would be to see if my predictions, based on only the trailer, are correct. And Our movie critic will probably tell me anyway. SO good luck, Ian. You, who are about to cry, salute me.

Dear Boston: FU

TO the fans of any Boston area sports franchise: Go f yourselves.

For too long we listened as you moped about your "cursed" Red Sox. We even cheered for them last year just to shut you up. That curse was Bullcrap. You want a curse--try this. Take the Red Sox multiply them by two, giving Boston 2 teams. Then NEITHER OF THEM OF WIN THE WORLD SERIES FOR OVER 86 YEARS. That's a curse my friends. Or take the Patriots and every year they will draft a quarterback made of glass. AS soon as that QB is injured, the season is over. Or a hockey team that treats fans like rugburn. F you Boston. F you.

The Sobering Conclusion: "The Dukes of Hazard"

I did it. I saw it. I wrote about it. Click Here to see why you're not seeing this unless Ed McMahon hands over the check before you enter the theater.

The Sobering Conclusion: "The Aristocrats"

To all former Wyckoff 3 residents: Take some of those passes I've sent to the Chicago-land area and use them on The Aristocrats. It's playing at Landmark's Renaissance Place Cinema (847) 258-7282. Showing at least through this Thursday at (1:30 4:00) 6:30 8:45 Dolby SR, No one under 18 admitted, so don't bring your little sisters.

Holy Shit ... What the fuck?!?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0418279/combined

Notice not only the film, but the director and producer.

Gather your children and belongings. The world is ending July 4, 2007.

The Sobering Conclusion: "Happy Endings"

I think it's safe to say that as shown by the amount of films I'm getting to lately, if you can't reach me at home or at the office, check in theatre 4. I tend to sit off to one side near the upper middle of the auditorium.

Oh, and enjoy this review of Happy Endings.

:)

Xbox Live

After finally shuffling my DSL and Wireless router setup in my house, I now have my Xbox wired directly to my router, thus I am ready to game online for 50 hours straight!!!! I'm pretty sure Kevin and Josh are PS2 fags (FOOTball!) so I guess I was wondering if you other guys have Xbox Live?!?!

In theory, it sounds awesome, because it isn't just about online gaming. It's about the fact that in every game, everyone has a headset, and you can most likely just totally fuck with people. On top of that, you can disguise your voice and sound like a rapist....Dan can obviously ignore this feature.

So it's almost like the audio version of AOL chat room attacks. Noone could defeat us, because they'd be way too distracted by our vulgar and confusing banter.

As a result, I order all of you to go out and buy an xbox, xbox live, and some Tom Clancy game :D

2007 will be the best year ever ...

While I am saddened by the idea of a man who can't play more than 50 hours of video games straight, this nugget of cinematic gold will perk us all back up ... Check out this link:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0430878/

You've got to be kidding me...

Man dies after playing videogames for 50 hours straight?! I have a Bradley friend who played them for a semester straight and he's doin fine AKA MIKE BRADLEY!

Link to Jobe from the Lawnmower man

The Sobering Conclusion: "Murderball"

I feel like quite a pansy after watching this film. But on the plus side, my patriotism is at near-peak levels again. Check out Murderball .

The Sobering Conclusion: "March of the Penguins"

By popular demand: March of the Penguins.

Sorry I have to do this...

I just read that people are getting fired from companies for writing about them on blogs. Well what if I write about the company I hate but USED to work for? HAHA!

Namely the ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH newspaper AKA the ST. LOUIS POST-DISGRACE liberal rag that is losing customers by the second. Let me add that the ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH had union problems for forever because the writers guild is a full of bunch of fucking whinos who think the deserve over 60k a year to say stuff like "REPUBLICAN BAD DEMOCRAT GOOD" or "KERRY IS TEH BEST!?". Let me also add that the paper namely the ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH was recently bought out by Lee Company and guess what? The union complained! Alert the fucking media!

The best thing Lee could do with that company is liquidate its ass and watch the golder parachutes come open.

CBC.

My Trip To the Bristol Renaissance Faire

When you think geek, what do you think of? Computers? Dungeons and Dragons? People dressed in Medieval garb?

Well, what if I told you that all of this, and MORE could be found in one magical place? You wouldn't care would you? Well, I didn't either - but I must continue.

Whenever I would hear the words 'Renaissance Faire', I would automatically laugh and think of people that had nothing better to do than dress up in Renassance garb - most often costumes that were far from 'custom tailored' and a little on the 'fat Spiderman' side. These were the people that forgot that Halloween was only ONCE a year, and didn't just start in October.

I never thought I would find myself in this magical place....but this past weekend...I DID!

Our neighbors, RenFaire vets, invited us to join them -sans costume- to the local Renaissance Faire, just across the border in Wisconsin. What I found was that the Renaissance Faire was not just a bunch of dorks dressed in poorly made costumes rolling dice and slaying air - no, no. The Faire is all about boobs, comedy, poorly coreographed swordplay, AND fat people in costume!

Since I am not much of a writer, I'm going to just stick with my specialty - LISTS! So here are some of the highlights and lowlights of my adventures:

Best Drink At The Faire: Sassafras - it's only a buck (which is rediculous compared to usual park prices and even the prices for everything else at the faire) for what is basically root beer with a little black licoriche flavor in it. It's pretty good.

Lamest Costume: Oh man, while it would be easy (yet challenging) to give this one out to any number of people, I have to give it to one specific person who, I thought, just brought the whole place to a screeching halt. Imagine this scene: you're at the Faire. All of the workers there are dressed in renaissance/medieval garb. Professional outfits, the works. They are doing their best to make things feel authentic and really make this a great experience for everyone attending. You have your visitors who dress up, and sometimes like look like a sausage in a potato sack -but hey, at least they're trying. But then, oh my, then, you have this one guy. Amongst all of this realism, you have this guy. Who is this guy you ask? Well, I shit you not, there, in living, breathing color, was none other than Nintendo's own.....LINK!

WTF?!!!?!??!!? LINK?!!?!?!? This guy had a FULL LINK COSTUME - down to the sword, shield, and Gamecube-era long elven hat. Talk about runing the entire experience. He might as well had Mario, Luigi and the Princess with him. Mega Man might as well been selling trinkets at the blacksmith shoppe. Oh look! It's Pro Wrestling's Star Man performing in the Kings Court! I felt like tapping this guy on the shoulder and just giving him a goddamn stunner.

Best costume: Any girl with a girdle on.

Most annoying person: (tie) Person 1: After purchasing an artichoke from a vendor, Sarah and I go about trying to eat it. Suddenly a lady comes up to us (you know the type) and starts yelling to her friend to look at what we were eating. She then proceeds to teach us how to eat the artichoke and even goes so far as to touch our damn food in the process. Person 2: During the swordplay/comedy show, I get pulled up on stage with a bunch of other guys. The guy standing next to me, obviously drunk off his first beer, (you know the type) and tries his damndest to upstage the performers and everyone else. Quite hilariously, he's making a jackass out of himself and does a little dance and a little 'tada!' with his arms, obviously in an attempt to get a response from the crowd. Silence. Capturing this moment of comedy gold, the performers throw up their hands in a cheesy stance and the crowd goes nuts. Sit down, asshole. Honorable mention: My neighbor and I are looking at some cool as swords, and the lady behind the counter proceeds to apologize to us for eating behind the counter. (we didn't notice, as we were way to engrossed at the huge ass broadswords were were wielding) she continues to apologize, even after we said 'uh, yeah, sure whatever' and she goes on a rant about how she is a diabetic and has to control her blood sugar, blah blah blah. I almost took my (Dancing) scimitar and slit her gullet.


I'm sure I have more stories that I can't think of right now, but all in all, I was fairly impressed by the Faire. The people watching is fantastic, the admission isn't too bad, and the entertainment was pretty good. There's a decent food selection and the prices are mid-level. Not as bad as Great America or a carnival - but not cheap either. The shops are horribly overpriced. All in all though, it's a good time. I'd definitely recommend that we check it out when Ian's in town. But this time, we take Link out back and beat the living Tri-Force out of him.

The Sobering Conclusion: "Stealth"

It's finally arrived: Stealth. Enjoy.

My parents aren't this cool

Check out the name on this kid ... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1564024/

While I'm playing with my Tally(whacker)

I have posted the "Must Love Men" review. and OH it is sooooo delightful. Here. stick this up my pooper and Here. take it, Josh, you don't have to really leave my anus.

Maybe this is a better solution. I can give quick head. Thoughts? Comments? Boners?

Hungry Hank the Tank who Spanks little boys.


*This message has been edited into a homoerotic love poem, however the actual links have not been changed* Please see comments section for details.

P-Posse News Wire: for immediate release

by Full Force
Science Editor
UGIJF
Updated: Aug. 4, 2005

Recent electronic and satellite information have confirmed
that E.N. Forbes, aka Hungry Hank, aka Shivan Dragon, aka
Jensen Dykelover, aka Coach Carter, aka Midknight, will be
in the Chicagoland area during September of 2005, Year of
the Walrus. While his true plans are unknown, even more
electronic and satellite information reveal that it's unlikely
he'll have a beard. Yet another satellite photo (seriously, he
"targeted" me with Google Maps!) shows that he's planned
to invade the recently-annexed domain of Full Force in the
northwest.

As of this writing Kevin and Josh are planning to drink beer
at the Clutch show tonight at 8pm. Clutch singer Neil Fallon
could not be reached for comment on whether or not his band
would re-launch Lilith Fair in 2007.


© 2005 UGIJF Interactive

The Sobering Conclusion of The Sobering Conclusion

As Dan so succinctly pointed out, this site is becoming over-populated by movie reviews and I agree. This madness must end!

As such, I will post only to the blog I put up from now on. You are all, of course, welcome to visit and post. Many new movies will be coming soon since we are still in summer blockbuster heaven.

www.soberc.blogspot.com

That's the place. I hate your race. I punch your face.

Worst Controller Ever: Sega Genesis

Seriously, the only way they could make that controller MORE uncomfortable is if they jerked off on it and added spikes!

The Sobering Conclusion: Stop Hijacking the goddamn website with movie reviews

TOP TEN THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT DAN AND FAXANADU:

1)Dan has played Faxanadu although never owned it.
2)Dan remembers something in the game called an elixir but didn't know how to use it.
3)Dan remembers playing the game at someones house a long time ago but doesn't remember who it was.
4)Eat shit and die.
5)Faxanadu reminded Dan of one of his favorite NES games the Battle for Olympus.
6)If you haven't played Battle for Olympus you must download it illegally or find a copy. It's really that good.
7)Faxanadu is hard.
8)Sword of Vermillion is TEH RULZ! Thanks to Kevin J. Swabmyschlong for helping me through that game and allowing me to decide whether to turn in my uber sword and all my coinage for the sword of my johnson.
9)Wedding Crashers is a great movie. Vince Vaugn is sort of getting old though.
10) People in movies today aren't nearly as funny as those found in the 80's aka Bill Murray, Steve Martin (fuck his new shit), John Candy, John Belushi etc.
11) Sometimes I had to blow my 8 bit to get it to work. Ah yes.
12) I'm not afraid. I'm really not.





hfm.