What we have here is some classic examples of the "Hand on Shoulder" or "Bowers" technique. This form of 'innocuous touching' is commonly used by men to gauge a potential mates interest. Go ahead and try it for yourself. If the recipient makes a face like any of the women above, I am pretty sure that means she is interested and you can proceed to Operation 'Whip-It-Out'. I hope that Asian lady likes guys who dress like Sipowicz, cause she's got it. Besides, if she didn't want it, why would she dress so hot? To attract some other guy in the office?
These next two guys just said "Fuck it. I'm white. I'm wearing a tie. I'm shifting into Leitzel Mode." Actually, the first guuy looks like he is trying to subdue his panicky secretary with a vulcan-style neck pinch. I can't see the other guys face, but I am betting he got the hot girl from tech support to come into his office to find out why there is something wrong with his computer. She sits down, the boss puts on some Barry White and just waits for her to discover the monstropolous amount of porn he has on his machine. When she does he lets his fingers do the walking. Not that I have ever tried that (more than once).
These guys are leg freaks. In fact, from what I know about women and sex, I am pretty sure the couple on the right have gone beyond the realm of Sexual Harassment right into actual sexual intercourse. Look slike there's gonna be a little boss running around the office soon.
WHOA! Slow down there DEMI MOORE! To me this is an example of reverse-sexual harassment. Or what it might look like if it actually existed.
This is what happens if you sexually harass the wrong person, or even if you fail to sexually harass anyone. You get dirty looks like this. The girl on the right has just been sexually harassed, and surprise, she liked it. She is all "BOOM! I GOT YOUR BOYFRIEND! I GOT YOUR MAN!" to the girl in the center. But he made a mistake in NOT harassing the bitchy blonde first. If I were this guy, I'd be sure to share the harassment with ALL WOMEN in the office, or his balls might end up in a sling. So if a woman is watching you harass another woman, be sure to harass her too. Or else she'll think she's fat and spend her lunch hour vomiting in the women's room. Plus, her self esteem will be higher, causing her to perform better on the job.
Well, I hope you have learned a little something about sexual harassment. If not, I guess oyu can just do your own damn Google Search.
So that's what I've been doing wrong!
ReplyDeleteThis is quite possibly the most brilliant thing ever written. Its need publishing.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think the guy in the first picture with the asian is a vietnam vet and is married to that lady. That's what happens when the US goes to war with a country, we get to marry their bitches win or lose.
WTF?
I have to say I approached this post with a great deal of trepidation. After all, the writer of this was not given the nickname "Powersurge" for nothing, and to this day he remains somewhat of a powderkeg both in and out of the office. I was really hoping I wasn't going to read an account of an "incident" at work which had given Mr. Surge an intimate knowledge of real-life corporate sexual harassment policies. I don't think he'd actually DO anything to warrant such action, but that entire arena is pretty much a minefield and I know that any such claims, however far-fetched, would be investigated.
ReplyDeleteSo you can imagine both the relief and delight I felt as I tuned into one of the funniest posts in recent memory, perpetuating the comedic ass-kickery for which the author is known.
"Fuck it. I'm white. I'm wearing a tie." Fantastic!
No. Unfortunately I have to treat every woman at work pretty much like my sister (NOT THAT SISTER, KEVIN).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, they are all still young and just out of school, so they go out every night and have an active social life. This makes them my exact opposite, as I am a man who goes home and sits in the dark, listening to Cubs games on the radio and watching wrestling on a 20 year old TV. I am not jealous or anything.
On the bright side, while those young, nubile co-eds are catching syphillis and the HIV, when was the last time the Cubs caught ANYTHING except a curse?
ReplyDeleteOf course, my Padres are nothing but frock wearing monks swinging a holy bat of crap in the worst division in baseball ... come to think of it, I'm sitting at home in the dark watching the bulls-wizards game on a 10 year old TV.
ReplyDeleteHuh.
Surge, remember when I told you your sister walked into our dormroom and I said, "Thank you God." That really happened.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, Dan closes the show in style. See you next time, everyone!
ReplyDelete