The Commissionary Position - Volume 1 Issue 1

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>connecting to tactical1 (10.12.240.666):
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Dudes,
Since football season is closer than you probably think, I went in and made some updates to the FF league. Nothing drastic, but you'll find the changes detailed below... you can see all these in the "Recent Transactions" board our league's Yahoo site, but I figured this would be the best place to collect them and discuss as a group. Here they be:

League

1) Draft Time - Set for Saturday, August 30th at 1pm CST. Let me know as soon as you can if this is bad for you.

2) Playoffs - Playoffs?? Playoffs are now Weeks 15 & 16. I did this to avoid having the Super Bowl during the Week 17 wasteland... and also to have an even number matchups (you'll now play every team twice).

Points System

1) Defensive Point tiers - You'll now get a varying amount of points relative to how many your defense allows during the game... no more "all-or-nothing" scenarios that depend upon a shutout. A shutout is still worth 2000, but you can also earn the following:

1-6 points allowed: 1000
7-13 points allowed: 500
14-20 points allowed: 250

Then zero for 21+. There are categories for 21-27, 28-34 and 35+, but I didn't use them... though I like that we have the option, especially since it gave me an awesome idea for the Mistakes League!! This is my favorite update of the season and the one I feel we should keep through the ages. Do the above figures look OK to everyone?

2) Kickoff & Punt Return touchdowns - This wasn't checked by default, but I activated it and made it worth 600.

3) Bonus Offense - Just for fun I added a Level 2 bonus that's awarded if you have a QB who somehow manages to throw for 500 yards in a single game, or someone who rushes or receives for 300... all of which are worth 1000.

I also eliminated the bonus for Return Yards. Actual yardage and touchdowns are still worth the same amount as their rushing and receiving counterparts, but if you want to rack up bonuses at the WR slot you're going to have to play an actual WR. Sorry. :)

As a side note, Yahoo lets you specify up to three bonuses... so if we wanted we could increment these differently, or even decrease everything else and making the Level 3 bonus worth an absurd amount of points (the game-breaking nuclear play??).

Rosters

1) Flex spot - WR/RB is in. WR/TE is out.

2) That's it, really. Do we want any changes to the rosters? I'm not talking about the core mechanics (we'll keep 2 QBs, 2 RBs, 2 WRs, etc.), or even Mike & The Mechanics, but do we want to look into an additional flex spot or more bench room? I thought about increasing the latter from 8 to 10, but I don't want teams to start hoarding, like those people you sometimes see on the news who have like 300 cats.


Let me know what you all think... in the meantime, I'll be crafting a customary new Avatar for the coming mayhem.

- Commissioner Gordon


tactical1:/> exit

Hello?

I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you

The Dark Knight

From imdb.com, as of 2:20am CST, Sunday July 20th 2008:

Lewbowskifest 2008....In a word: balls!

So, in case anyone was curious, Lebowskifest DID HAPPEN. It ended up being me, Kevin Lange, Geoff, Flounder and Kevin's special lady friend Laurie. Words can't really explain the story as well as pictures. So enjoy the ones at the link above.

In the end I ended up winning a Liam autographed ball buffer for bowling a 172 (which is about 130 points off my average), which I summarily lost somewhere between the bowling party and the after party. Geoff ended up winning the 'Hardest Traveled' trophy due to making the event despite the fact he had surgery on his achilles earlier in the week. He had been training for a marathon when he ran over a broken bottle that had been left in the street. It flipped up and did some damage. Geoff spent the weekend with us rolling him around a la The Big Lebowski! Between Friday Night and the wee hours of Sunday, we consumed a horrendous amount of White Russians - including buying about 30 of them when they started selling them '2 for 1' at the end of the night - and having to polish them off/give them away within 5 minutes. Not to mention the two 1 gallon jugs of White Russians that the bar manager finally sold to us at the end of the night -after about two days of joking with them that we wanted to buy 'the jug'. All in all it was a good time. We checked out the comedian and the movie screening, which was fun. The bowling was fun too. We didn't catch most of the bands on the second day because it was just god awful warm outside. Although we did take part in some of the games, like the 'ringer toss' where you have to throw the bag of Walter's 'whites' over the car (from the driver's seat) and hit the Nihilist dummy that is standing there. All in all, it was a good time, and I'd recommend it to anyone with more than a passing fancy for the movie. Although I would say that the trip to Louisville is probably just a one-shot deal. I think from here on out I'll stick to the Chicago event - unless they have something really cool in terms of bands or entertainers in Louisville.

CHECK THIS OUT RIGHT NOW

Yup. It's the Watchmen Trailer. I am impressed.

.

Black Skittle

I found these lyrics as I was going through some old folders a couple weeks ago - they were written on a bar napkin, in case that tells you anything:

Black Skittle, the lottery you've won
Black Skittle, the flavor weighs a ton
Black Skittle, placed upon your tomb
Black Skittle, taste the rainbow - OF TOTAL FUCKING DOOM!!!

(go nuts)

Morphogenesis

this is Year Zero, all we know has died
the mutiny came so sudden, killing yesterday

thoughts that force discordance away, once more an era is fading
whatever dreams we're reaching to claim, decides the path we are taking

gone forever
we are done with worldviews mechanical
none shall ever
be a slave to thoughts inside their heads

mind is the master, morphogenesis
this structure remains untrodden, a new reality

bleeding through
all the spheres
all our thoughts
all our fears
gaining life
soul, mind, heart, feeding starts now
rising from
ashen dust
through our sins
karmic cost
measured souls
weigh our hearts, judge our thoughts, no

thoughts that force discordance away, once more an era is fading
whatever dreams we're reaching to claim, decides the path we are taking

gone forever
we are done with worldviews mechanical
none shall ever
be a slave to thoughts inside their heads


- Scar Symmetry, "Morphogenesis"

Send Barrack Your Baby

THIS is friggin' awesome.

NOT EVEN REMOTELY SAFE FOR WORK

If you've seen Way of the Gun ... this mash-up will seem very familiar ... and awesome ... mostly awesome ... but also familiar.

I've made it to the front page!

... of Google that is. I googled Hungry Hank and voila! ... I was the last link on the 1st page of links ... soon I will rule the world! ... or maybe I'll just get a slurpee and think about ruling the world ... either way ... good times!

How much Batman ass can Batman kick?

Here's the Answer.