VEGAS 2!

It's in the mix...don't make any plans for February. Except plans to go to Vegas.

Not safe for work ... or home ... or your children

Wii indeed.

Another Legitimate Yellow Pages Ad

SO I am skimming the Yellow Pages in Arlington, TX today and I happen upon this ad...

J. GILLIGAN'S BAR & GRILL! See you there, Lenny, Penny, Denny, Kenny!

Who Better Than Kanyon?!?

This shirt is excellent

Santa Claus is coming!

Who does this describe?

From ESPN.COM:

This looks interesting

The REAL Super 2 !

DIY.DESPAIR.COM

PSYCHIC POWERS!

So some lady hopped on my elevator at work today. She proceeded to press the wrong button, then corrected herself. "Wouldn't it be odd if when we stopped at the wrong floor, there was someone waiting to go up?" I thought to myself. Then it happened! I have a psychic gift. How should I use this power? I know--I will use it to review movies before they come out--thereby cornering the market on movie reviews. Mine will always be first.

For example--Will Farrell--in his new movie he will be playing some random sport. He will portray himself as an ignorant ass. He will often comment on how sexy he is even though he isn't sexy at all. At one point he will talk continuously in a loud, overbearing monotone voice. He will pretend to cry at least once. Teens and twentysomethings will gobble this stuff up like corn flakes.

I will also use my powers to predict YOUR futures--

Ken- At some point this season you will play QB for the Bears. Good job leading us to a victory over the Packers.
Kevin-You will find some way to win our fantasy football league. Then thinking yourself lucky you will purchase a scratch off lottery ticket. You will only match 2 like amounts, making the ticket a bust since you need to match 3.
Ian-You will steal a namplate off a Prius and attach it to the back of your car in order to use the Carpool lanes.
Dan-You will not read this until December, at the earliest.


There you go.

More reasons to want Japanese TV

Speed Walking can be dangerous.

Magic is creepier in skimpy swimwear ... moreso 'cause it's a dude (best part is at the 3 minute mark but it's all Nippon goodness)

LinkedIn.com = Satan's Workshop?

I received a request from a coworker to join my LinkedIn.com network. That's not unusual. What was unusual was the brazen anti-Christian sentiment from LinkedIn's invitation:

All Hallows Eve is nigh upon us ...

Just thought I'd bring back a bit of the past with this one ... I'll be at a wedding (in full costume since I escaped being a groomsman) ... anyone else have interesting plans?

Of course, one of the best things about this picture is how much it looks photoshopped ... even though it's the real deal. That and how Kevin's costume seems to be a complete void, into which no good can escape and all evil dwells.

I must have been a werewolf on a new moon that night ... or an incredibly calm Hulk ... or your mom after the operation ... I had a good run of non-costume costumes for a while. Man, am I lazy! If a good picture results from this Halloween, I'll post it ... otherwise just imagine a half-Asian man in ... wait, I don't want to spoil it ... stay tuned ... maybe I'll post something else later in the week ... or maybe I'll pull a Rod O' Ruin and forget this post ever happened ... one never knows (though he looks like a date rapist - now there's a non-costume costume I can really get behind ... so to speak.)

And now for something completely different ...

Since the fires are so boring now, I perused the Internet to see if it was worth putting "captivity" on my netflix list and checked out some of the message board on IMDb ... the following picture is probably the funniest response I've ever seen on the IMDb message boards ...

Thank You For Your Support :)

I appreciate the couch offer ... I really hope I don't need it and I suppose if any of you pray to Yahweh or Allah, we could use some divine intervention to get the wind to stop so they can do some airdrops and actually start containing this fire.

To get you up to date since I'm sure my info is more current (and it's on all the channels instead of any regular programming ... NBC is reairing Monday night primetime on Sunday for us), the current count of evacuated residents in San Diego is 300,000 and as of this morning there were at least 1,000 homes and another 100 commercial properties burned down.

I just heard an updated California wide count (LA and San Diego basically) and it's at 500,000 people evacuated and 200,000 acres burned. The Witch Creek fire (denoted in one of the pics below) alone is at 145,000 acres.

The fires have encircled San Diego, from Fallbrook/Ramona to the north to the mountains east (and a little fire started about 5 miles east of me near Tierrasanta) and there's a big fire that started near the Mexico border and is coming north towards Chula Vista and Spring Valley that they say is getting close to a housing development of like 2500 homes. (that damn wall we built keeps it away from Mexico :). The thing that's really creepy is that they've done mandatory and voluntary evacuations from Fallbrook/Poway all the way due west to the ocean ... The OCEAN.

I guess this is the almighty punishing us for not getting rid of the Chargers yet.

Anywho, here are some pictures of what things look like ... if the weather cooperates, I'm sure everything will come under control in the next few days ... if it continues to act like a bitch, then I might start packing up a few things and hope that I can get through one of the fires since they've closed certain freeways and maybe I'll live in Chicago and just dodge blizzards for a while. :)

Stay Safe, Hank!

Right now EN is waking up to this:

Stay safe, buddy! There is a flame retardant couch here for you if you need it!

User Hostile Construction?

Not a joke. An Actual Yellowpages ad in Texas.

While you are wasting time.....

Here is my Entry into the Video Love-Fest!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg6bZSM48vU

I want to be like Ken!

Well it's not quite the hunger but I figured I need to start adding my own bands to the list. Some of you may have already seen this on Family Guy, but I think its worth making sure we take a minute out of ourlives to waste a bit more time.

CTA DOOMSDAY EDGES CLOSER

Maybe you own a new car. Maybe it's the car of the future that runs off magic. Well, if you are that person I envy you. Because if I want to go anywhere of note, I have to take the CTA.

Now you may remember I blogged on how I went to a CTA meeting a while back, and it turned out to be pretty much everything the Onion said it would be (see link). But despite all the inanity of that meeting, I never really thought that Illinois politicians would have enough balls to anger every single voter who takes the CTA, Metra, and Pace. In fact, I smiled as I thought about it...if the CTA went offline what would happen to Chicago's economy? I was able to laugh at this scenario because I was positive they would work something out to delay a fare increase and service decrease and avoid screwing over the working man. To do otherwise would be political suicide...right?

But now Governor Blagojevich, Emil Jones, Mayor Daley, the Madigans and anyone else in charge is preparing to "Deer Hunter" themselves. I just don't understand why.

The Gov says he is opposed to raising taxes on working people. Hey Numbnuts-Maybe you didn't realize this but working people--the same working people IN CHICAGO who overwhelmingly elected you two times--are still gonna lose that money when fares go up. Probably more than the .05% they'd spend on a sales tax that would remedy the problem. This proves that a skeevy politician can't save you from skeevy politicians.

Tom Cross, Some dickhead representative from Oswego says he wouldn't approve the measure unless the legislature approved more money for the roads in his district to relieve traffic congestion. Guess what duder? You better tack on another hour to your commute--because of you it is now cheaper to drive than it is to take the train. So all those people who took Metra are gonna be sitting ahead of you in traffic. E-A-D!

Also, I hope you enjoy polishing up your resume. Hopefully you'll need to after the first Tuesday in November.

iThink you are a big Pussy

Recently news broke that Apple is going to reduce the price of the 8GB iPhone to only $399. Now a bunch of people are pissed because they paid $600 for it--and get this--they want their $200 back!

Now if I am Steve Jobs this is the part where I make the customer kiss my iAss.

See, back in the middle of the summer when this thing came out people couldn't wait to pay $600. Hell, there are people who would have paid two or three times that. And when they got one I bet it was worth every goddamn ipenny to their self-centered pretentious asses. The truth of the matter is, people would STILL be paying $600 for one if the price wasn't reduced and they'd be happy about it. The consumer's made the decision that having the newest gizmo was more important than having $600...knowing full well the price would eventually drop.

Now that it has they have no right to be upset. Sometimes you eat a shit sandwich with no napkin, assholes, and this is one of those times when you saddle up to the counter and dig on in.

"No, PowerSurgeon, you are wrong!" You disagree? Well, then I am sure you are going to do your damndest to get me back all the money I spent on this:

That's right. The original 6 Switch Atari 2600, complete with 2 joystick controllers, a TV switch, 2 paddles, and COMBAT. I spent well over $200 of my parent's money on this when it debuted in 1977 and I still have the welts my folks peppered on my ass to prove it. Now, you can get this at a garage sale for $5, IF the owner is the King of all Hagglers. Just today on the street I saw somebody try to give a homeless guy a copy of COMBAT and the homeless guy wouldn't even wipe his bottom with it. Seriously, How was I supposed to know the price was going to drop through the floor?

Shut up you pretentious dickheads, and enjoy your silly little device.

Happy Birthday Surge!

Know what time it is?
It's your birthday, boyyyyeee!

Bonds Reaches for the ****'s

Well, Barry Bonds did it. He devalued "the most hallowed record in all of sports" and proved that bad guys can win, crime DOES pay, and users are not always losers. Home Run number 756 sailed out of AT&T park last night, and I feel a little sadder for having this guy as the Home Run King. That's because even in the mind of the most die hard Giants fan, there is a small voice that says something isn't right. That is this:

1. He admitted to using steroids. HE USED PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS. According to him though, he thought it was flaxseed oil. It was unintentional.

2. His head grew 1.5" and his feet grew 2 sizes after age 35, but he never consulted a doctor about this acute onset elephantitus. Why not? Because he knew he was using drugs that caused that to happen.

3. If an honest player found out he was using steroids, that he was unknowingly dosed with them, he would come forward immediately and report what had happened and make sure the person who slipped him a genetic mickey went away for a while. Bonds did not do this either.
4. Barry Bonds is an a**hole. I would rather pay to see him get hit by a bat, than hit something with a bat.

5. Visual aids above.


Edit By Ken:

Don't forget this one:

More Music Artists Under the Scimitar Label

Due to the overwhelming success of 'The Hunger', I've decided to add two MEGASTAR artists to my record label. I hope you are as excited as I am. If not, I will spite you.

Prepare to be spitten!

Top 10 strip club names

I can't decide if these are the ten best or the ten worst, so I'll leave that up to you, the reader.

1. The Grand Opening
2. Crusty Olive
3. The Sloppery
4. Crabcakes
5. Haunted Ho's
6. Hogwart's
7. Barter Town
8. the lobby of the UHS building
9. Brew 'n Brawl
10. Altered Breasts


I need sleep....

Say it ain't so!

I just heard a report that in August, the Weekly World News will no longer print up their wonderful and crazy stories that helped shape our Posse scrapbook ... this really is the year of my discontent.

I'm Promoting A New Band

Check these guys out!

The Greatest Bar Ever

Recently, Kauke invited me out to a bar. The place is real close to where I live, so I swung on by.

Little did I know that I was entering the closest thing to Valhalla on Earth.

I know this because as I entered the Clutch LP PITCHFORK was playing.

KUMA'S CORNER

http://kumas-corner.com/index.php

Where all the 1/2 Pound Hamburgers are named after Metal Bands!

Of course I ate the Clutch Burger...It was good.

The only complaints I have about this place is that it is kind of pricey. Next time you visit me, we'll go there.

Stop Ducking Me, Benoit!

Chris Benoit! Lots of people acknowledge you as the best technical wrestler in the world today! Well that's just because they haven't yet seen the likes of the Mysterious Quasar! You may have pinned Fatback Jack's shoulders to the mat for a three count, and ended the reign of Trent Vanity as AWF champ, but you won't beat Quasar...because you can't! My gamma ray repeating powerbomb will prove to be your final undoing. After I have pinned you and ended your career, I will make you will raise my hand in the air and acknowledge me as not only as a superior wrestler, but as a superior being. And only then will you have shown me the proper respect that I have earned as the 5 time Mr. Alternate Universe. There is nowhere to hide Benoit, because the Final Answer Pay Per View is this Sunday! See you there!




What?

Movie of the Week: Harsh Times

"Do you portray a Mexican in this movie?" "Yes" "No, I'm sorry, that's a lie" "Okay, I'm really black" "No, that's a lie as well" "Okay, I'm really Welsh with a bad accent" "Correct."





Being new parents, our trips out of the house have become less frequent and we've become more dependent on finding things to do at home. Add to that the fact that most of the good shows on TV are now on hiatus. So, we decided to sign up for Blockbuster Total Access and start watching more movies - some that we'd probably never consider watching. Enter HARSH TIMES. I'm not posting this review on SC because it's not really going to be a review. And this movie isn't really worthy of a review. What it is worthy of though, is you watching it. I highly suggest grabbing your alcoholic beverage of choice and sitting down with this cinematic gem. While I believe that this movie was intended to be a gripping suspense drama that portrayed the harsh effects that the Iraq and Afghani wars are having on our soldiers that come home, it ended up - to me - being a hilarious buddy comedy! Here's the movie in a nutshell: Christian Bale can't decide if he's white, black, or Mexican, his Mexican friend can't decide if he's Mexican, Black, or White, Eva Longoria is hot, they drive around all day buying and selling drugs and guns and there's never a driving scene where they aren't either drinking beer or getting high. Throw in some hilarious 'yo homey gangsta' dialogue and you've got the best ghetto comedy since 'Friday After Next'.

Hulk Hogan Thunder Mixer

I miss this thing.

Guess who's back, once again, Cash is back (kinda), tell a friend....

Oh you didn't know?!?!?

Well Your Ass Better Tell Somebody!!

Ok, so it's not James Earl Cash this time, but they're making it for the Wii! I don't have one, but this game is the first good reason I've seen to own one. Imagine being able to brain someone with a crowbar by swinging your arm repeatedly!!! :D

A couple good sites to waste your time with....

I've been sucked into the world of blogs and found a couple sites that are worth sharing:

http://www.consumerist.com/ - an entertaining site that mostly dishes the dirt on companies and calls them out when they do stupid shite.


http://www.lifehacker.com/ - kinda hard to explain everything they cover on this site, but I learn something new every day.

http://pfblogs.org/ - It's an index of several dozen personal finance blogs that updates itself whenever one of those blogs adds a new post. If you want to get your finance shit in gear, go here.


http://www.freakonomics.com/blog/ - If you haven't read Freakonomics, go pick it up. It's a pretty entertaining book. Anyway, this blog is written by the two authors. They cover all kinds of topics and are usually entertaining.

And here's a random picture:

POSTING MADNESS!

Darth Ass

Click HERE for a little something to brighten your day.

Gettin Older...

I am losing it...

With no Air Conditioning, it is good I have no visitors. This is because when I am at home in summer my outfit usually consists of unchanged boxer shorts and a bbq suace and blood stained wife beater. So while dressing for the day is pretty easy, it is no way to receive company. I recenty realized why as I was passing by a mirror. Then I saw something. Something terrifying.

I have started to develop a paunch. You know, that funny roly poly bump just below your abs but above your junk? For years I have dodged it, hoping I wouldn't have to do any actual
work to appear attractive. It was great. I would look at others and secretly smile inside, knowing that for one more day, I had avoided the roly-poly fate that had beset my brethren.

I used to look at my dad's paunch and, along with his mustache, used to think it made him look ridiculous. (Add 70's fashion on top of that and the only thing I can logically attribute to my existence to is drugs). As a result, I have usually avoided beer and fast food and have invested heavily in Gillette products. But still I end up with one of these things. And honestly, it is like subtracting at least 1 from the length=length + 2 equation.

Anyway, I have to fix this. I don't know how. Will sit ups do it? This thing is below my abs, so I don't know. I may have to call in Billy Blanks and his Fat Fighting Special Forces. It seems my intestines have grown like the Grinches heart on Christmas morning. Even If I stand up straight it's still there.

Now, I don't have the graphical capabilities of a Ken, but here is some before & after magic, courtesy of MSPAINT.

Comments Welcome....

Its Doomsday!!!!

Some of you may have heard that here in downtown Chicago that the CTA has once again proposed a DOOMSDAY Scenario in case the IL state legislature doesn't come through with $110 Million to fund the system. This includes doubling most fares and generally sticking it to the working man, bringing new meaning to the phrase "CTA: Take It!" that mysteriously disappeared a few years ago.

Anyway, in light of these proposed fare increases, the CTA braintrusts, including new chairman and owner of a rock solid handshake Ron Huberman, decided to have a series of town hall meetings around the city to listen to what the people have to say and to emphasize that they don't want to have to raise fares, but will if they have to. And.....what the hell? One of these meetings is within walking distance of my place! I don't even have to take the bus to get there!

So I went.

I am almost sorry I did.

AS you entered you signed in. They gave each person a color coded card that would determine what order you would speak in. I took mine and sat towards the back, expecting to leave and get dinner before the GREEN CARDS (heh) got to speak at 8:30. Ron Huberman gave a brief presentation then opened the floor to comments. Upon further refelction, he opened the gates of hell.

Have you ever listened to the Gettysburg Address and had a chill run down your spine as it concludes with the part of "government of the people, by the people, for the people" not perishing from the earth? Well, those people must have been a lot less crazy when Lincoln was alive, because I am pretty sure Lincoln didn't intend for the government to be left in the hands of the people who go to CTA meetings.

Most people just stood up and griped about the service or cleanliness, or the general body odor of Bus Drivers. But some people really took the cake, the plate, and the tablecloth. The second dude to speak started rambling about the military industrial complex. He was booed down by a hostile Chicago crowd. "Don't I get three minutes?!?" he asked. "No" yelled the man in front of me. "You're Gone!" I added.

One lady couldn't speak English very well. Her comments consisted of "Washington Deee-Ceee Transport. Boston Transport. San Francisco Transport. Thank You." And in fact most comments were like that...rambling or complaining and completely without a point whatsoever. It was infuriating. I had shown up miffed about the possibility of fares increasing, and as the meeting went on I just got mad at the people who had shown up. Including the guy who spoke before I did--who looked like a mountain man, wouldn't cede the microphone, then wondered why noone listened to him.

Now it was my turn. I was pretty nervous. I thanked the board for coming out to listen to the People. I got some applause. Then I turned on the crowd. I told them board wouldn't listen to their rambling unless they had a specific point and wouldn't clean up the pee in the Subway--deal with it. Finally, I said that asking for money every year wsa just putting a band aid on a massive $110 Million head wound. A Band Aid wouldn't cut it. We need to do something to fix the wound, then make sure it doensn't happen next year. Well, the blind people still applauded for me. Then I went to Burger King.

Underground No More

Shit, you miss a month, you miss a lot.

First, let me get some stuff out of the way:
1. Ken I am happy your daughter is doing well. I can't wait to see her. I hope she looks like her mother, though.

2. Dan- You Graduated! Good for you! Unfortunately, my sister had a baby, and lost her shape. That is unless she is reading this board. In which case I mean her shape improved.

3. Kevin- Keep maintaining. See you at the CC show.

4. M.I.L.O.?

Allright- now where have I been? Well, I used to spend a lot of time posting after work at a Major Metropolitan Newspaper...Ok it was the Chicago Tribune. I don't want to rant about how terrible working there was, but mangement was sick of me and I was sick of them. The day after that job ended I was offered another job that pays about twice as much as I was getting at the trib. So I landed on my feet. Hopefully, my computer there will be set up soon and I can begin to post more regularly again.

New Manager On Duty: Fat Spiderman

Don Imus is out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

Ctrl+R if you don't see Fat Spidey.

Wrap up of Dan's final undergraduate college experience:

And the Rod of Ruin AWARD of EXCELLENCE for MOST BORING CLASS GOES TO:
Auditing, although I never attended it enough to know if the classes I missed were also boring.

Honorable mention: International Business

for FUNNIEST MOMENT IN CLASS GOES TO:
The weird kid next to me in my meteorology class who in the middle of a test said to me, "this is a good test".

Honorable mention: my horse is a secret horse

for MOST DIFFICULT CLASS TO PASS GOES TO:

Financial Reporting II, which one person I knew took 3 times to pass.

Honorable mention: Financial Reporting I and III

for HOTTEST GIRL ON CAMPUS GOES TO:
A girl named Megan from Carmel, Indiana. She was a brunette and although short undoubtedly hot.

Honorable mention: Maria R., The Alpha Delta Pi sorority, and Josh's sister

for WORST MOMENT IN A CLASSROOM SETTING GOES TO:
Daphne who during our presentation in taxation decided she didn't want to talk which made for an uncomfortably long pause. What a whore.

Honorable mention: Any time I was called on because I am old.

for STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE TO CLASS GOES TO:
Rod of Ruin for saying there was an accident outside of Del Taco.

Honorable mention: for never attending class at Bradley

for the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT WITH A GIRL GOES TO:
The girl who worked the register in the cafeteria who was surprised I was married and inferred she wanted some poontang.

Honorable mention: all the other times girls were surprised I was married.


MY HORSE IS A SECRET HORSE BLAU.

Oh boy ...

I was doing some research at work for the gift shop and check out "Jocko" the jockey, he's the second one down ... anyone see a possible problem with that guy?

http://www.lawnjockey.com/

Oh, and scroll all the way down to the bottom ... I can barely contain myself ... wow ... I mean ... wow.

Great shirts....

If you've never visited Shirt*A*Day before, be sure to check it out. Every day they throw up a new shirt to buy. I thought today's was pretty good:

The Best of Year 2

YOU ALL BOUGHT IT!!! I was assembling a "Best-of-Year-2" post ALL ALONG!! Which means I threw it together in sections while I was either eating dinner or up at 2am... and as I bathed in the memories of BY07 (Blog Year 07), I determined the following posts have brought the most glory to Diablo:

Fun with Google - Fun with Comments!

New Post - Business briefings, UHS style.

More digging in the archives reveals: - Notes from the Internet Wayback Machine days.

It's Out of Control!!! - The state of women's sunglasses, and possible post tampering??

SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes... - Shock and awe... the Pallate Jack novella, my favorite Year 2 post. Josh ties it up with a twist ending that manages to be equal parts hilarious and awful.

Name Dan's Football Team - Anything where we think up lists of names is automatically good.

I've got something for Dave Navarro - It took Josh three days straight of eating a balanced breakfast to pry this gem loose from his soul.

Finally... - Sometimes the simplest posts are the best. That's not the case here, but sometimes they are.

Ask the General - General Anacock tells you what to do and shows you how to live. Bow down when he comes to your town!


I'd also like to nominate Ken's short film "Wish It Was Friday" for Year 2 Best Picture. I'd write more, but it's time to poop. Enjoy with amore!

Do you guys want to go to my graduation?

Seeing as most of you graduated, well whenever it was 10 years ago I thought maybe you'd want to come down on the 19th and watch me walk for the first time since I graduated highschool in 1995.

Ken, congratulations on your kid. I'm sorry it was a girl and I hope the wife didn't get too big. My wife wants a kid bad. Can she have yours? No seriously thats awesome. A little Kennibble. Do you mind if I refer to you as 'kenny' from southpark? So Kevin and I can call you poor and make fun of you? Seriously though, congrats on the family. I hope you are getting sleep.

And to my dear friend Kevin, I miss you. My cellphone broke two months ago and I lost your number. And Ken's. And Ian's. I lost everyones number. But I imagine you are still gainfully employed doing whatever it is you do on those lonely, cold Amsterdam nights.

And to Josh. My first and only one of two college roommates. You make up 50% of what it was like to live with me in college. The other troll Kroll was a choad. I didn't know what I had, till it was goooonnnnee. May your hot sister remain hot in my mind forever.

And to Ian. What can I say. You travel the lengths of the earth to see your friends, and those dipshits in Chicago won't even visit me when I drive halfway to Peoria. We could all learn a lesson from you, like how not to pee for days at a time.

And to M.I.L.O. You were weird. You were great. You had long hair. You reminded me a lot of the dude from X-files who was really smart. I have nothing more to say.

And to H.O.G. Our second acronym friend. You hated my mustang even though I didn't really like cars or care that you cared so much. You often talked of Mopars and Hemis while Ken fantasized about his roommate. You impressed the gods with your mullet and would scare small children with a look. You don't know this but, when I first met you I hid in the closet for days. Now I have you to thank for sex photos. And an occasional phi sig.

And with a whimper I study for my finals.

I webbed you....that means you get the apartment!

As much as I hate Comcast, I can't help but laugh every time I see this commercial. It's just the subtlety of the thing that gets me...

Linky

Year 2 post statistics

The post that's right now all up in your grill contains the summation of all that was in Underground G.I. Joe Fort: Year 2. Down but not out, we saw nearly 2/3 less activity than in our Freshman year here - 113 posts vs. 300 posts. Regrettably, we did not make 300 posts this year so you'll all have to do without a timely reference to the glory of Sparta. Here's how it happened:

General AnaKen: 34 posts (30%)
Hungry Hank: 34 posts (30%)
Powers Urge: 28 posts (25%)
Full Force: 12 posts (10.6%)
Rodo: 5 posts (4.4%)

...which is basically the same way these numbers looked last year, except that I now realize Josh has a pretty awesome alternate name if you just move the space over. Anyway, here's to the start of a splendid Junior year... could it mean the return of Dan (to the blog)?? Will Hell at the Bell FINALLY happen!?? Will I post a "Best Of Year 2" entry in the near future??? Probably not, but tune in anyway!

The Joy of Being Single and Childless

Need I say any more?

The Joys of Parenthood

For those that may not know, I became a daddy on April 15th. (hence my absence) Sofia Margaret Lombard, 7lbs 2oz, 18.5 inches long.

I've been spending the past two weeks at home deprived of sleep any cleaning up various baby secretions! But I have to say, it's good to know my bait and tackle works. ;)

Now, I feel compelled to warn and educate you all in advance, should you choose (or accidentally) become a parent. If so, you can look forward to this:

"WANT SOME MUSTARD?!?" (Sorry, I have to post this since all I could think about was that quote...)

This is most likely NOT safe for work! So browse at your own peril!

Enjoy. :D

For more tasteful pictures, see : http://www.lombardclan.org

Happy Birthday, Kevin!

Welcome to the third decade of your life!

I went to YouTube to find something funny and this was the first thing that made me laugh ... though it has nothing to do with birthdays ... or being 30 ... or people named Kevin ... but it's funny!

PROBABLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK

It's the Simple Things

Sure, it looks staged but this was made funnier as this was the first comment I saw about this YouTube post:

"What was she thinking? Leaving the kitchen like that."

Click Here

Also, this video from Will Ferrell and his own 4 year old daughter is pretty funny.

No Retreat, The Condemned!

Interesting. I think many of us will recall always laughing at Jean Claude's character in NRNS being billed as 'Ivan, The Russian'. Well, in that fine tradition I ask that you peek at this website to see the character billing for Stone Cold's new crapfest. It's eerily similar.

Your Weekly WTF?!?!

Happy Birthday Ian!

In addition to being a great friend and a responsible driver, he has delighted men of all faiths with his film reviews and fathered thousands across his homeland. Two words... you know 'em, I know 'em... Hungry Hank. As such, appropriate birthday wishes can only be made with the help of a little divine intervention!! Happy Birthday!!

It's Baaaacck!

The Sobering Conclusion lives!

The site has been moved to www.soberingconclusion.com

Learn it, live it, love it!

One thing I do need to know from all of you is what screenname you would want as I do occassionally get reviews from you guys. Right now, I've gone with PowerSurgeon, Full Force & Blumeany . (Dan, if you wanted to write up something, let me know).

Anywho, the site is still under construction and much tweaking will be done over the next few weeks but if you want to see what I've been up to ... click the link above.

Probably the biggest downside so far is that all of the great comments you guys made didn't transfer over. But feel free to make new ones and to let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see.

Polls are already in the works, so don't worry about that. And I've adjusted the link on this blog to go to the new site.

In case you missed this ...

I guess dating Ryan Reynolds rubbed off a little comedy on Alanis. This parody of the Black Eyed Peas is pretty good. Check it out if you haven't already.

Lovely Lady Lumps

Check This Out

This is one of the weirdest f'n sites you'll ever see. Just play around with all the different selections. I laughed my ass off.

YOU'VE ALSO BEEN...

TO THE AUTO SHOW!!!!!!

Where have I been...

1. Vacationing in Guantanamo Bay.
2. Collecting Souls.
3. Crushing Puppies.
4. Rocking Out With Pacman Jones.
5. Licking Alec Baldwins' Chin.
6. Staring at Tina Fey's weird face scar.
7. Waiting for Dan's hilarious post he's working on.
8. Mocking the homeless.
9. Pooping in your cereal.
10. Laughing at you eating said poop, grimacing, eating more.

I know they're in dumb locations

But if you can swing it, use those landmark passes to see "God Grew Tired Of Us". I put up the review but simply put, it's a must see recommendation. Gonna be hard to beat this for documentary of the year ... or if it's too tough to get to, just add it to your netflix queues.

So Goooed To Meet You....

ROFJMM......well, maybe not the floor.

A little tidbit

I just saw "300" and it's awesome. I even wrote up a review (it's on my site).

And I might as well add that I'm in preliminary discussions to resurrect The Sobering Conclusion and things are being fleshed out. Nothing definite yet but I'll let you all know as things become final.

A Moment of Silence....

Allen Coage, best known for his WWF stint as Bad News Brown, passed away today at the age of 63. He was rushed to Rockyview Hospital in Calgary this morning for chest pains and died shortly after.

Birthday Greetings: To Dan, From The General

(turn it down at work, or just wait til home)




PRAISE GALLAH!

Where have I been...

Ok I haven't been on the site in ages- I've done quite a bit in the last 2 months including:

1. Going to New Orleans
2. Losing 20+ pounds of weight
3. Putting an offer on a house that didn't go through
4. Studying for midterms that are this week
5. Studying for the CPA exam which I am wildly behind on
6. Getting my wife out of a trial- she was summoned to court for failure to pay taxes but I resolved it to our FAVOR. I should be a lawyer.
7. Studying for the CPA exam which I am wildly, wildly, very very behind on.
8. Reminding you all that today is my birthday but none of you knew that because I was never at Bradley U in March.

Happy 30th to me, 3.6.77. Happy 30th to Ken and Josh longer ago and to Hog, dear Hog, whenver your blessed birthday is you wild stallion mopar mofo.

I'll post again when I'm less neurotic.

Oh, Geico

ABC is developing a half-hour sitcom based on the "So easy, a Caveman can do it" ads for Geico. So far, it's only been greenlighted for a pilot episode to be commissioned but who knows?

I can't decide if this sets us further or closer to the fall of modern civilization. Hell, I can't decide if I'd watch an episode just to see if they could pull it off. I mean, unfrozen caveman lawyer was funny ... but that was a 5 mintue sketch with the all mighty Phil Hartman.

I just don't know, man.

A new camcorder, windows movie maker, and some wav files included in Windows XP =

A video MASTERPIECE!!!!!!1

A Message From The General

(Prolly not safe for work - if they're picky)

Congratulations!

Surge won the pick the Anonymous Awards contest I put up this year. Good job of picking the right choices, J.

I've also updated my site to reflect the Best of '06 as well as all the awards coverage over at http://sobercyearratings.blogspot.com/. I'll update the Oscar page with the aftermath and my take on the whole ordeal later tonight.

KEN AT 30

Is finally upon us. What we've joked about for years - almost 12 of them - has come to be. Did anyone think the day would ever come? I sure didn't. It's been a long road from the Residence Hall of the Future... and hopefully it will continue for decades to come. For anyone who thinks they're getting old, fuck that - there's a whole lot more ahead of you than behind you.

More importantly, Ken - enjoy your "full nelson" from the ICC chicks, dude!!!

Ask the General

Do You have a Question for the All Powerful and unbelievably wise General (may he reign in blood forever)? Now is your chance to ask it! Anacock will answer any questions you may have...post them below!

My Reign Of Terror Has Begun!

Enjoy this PICTURE OF TERROR!!!!!!!

NEXT!

Well, the Bears season is over, and like the perennial optimist you know I am, it is time to look forward to bigger and better things...namely the 2007 CHICAGO CUBS!

This offseason the Cubbies have spent Millions & Millions of Dollars on Free Agents. Including this years Manager of the Year....Lou Pinella!With this guy and a bottomless payroll, there is no way the beloved Cubs will "manage" to finish behind St. Louis, Houston, Pittsburgh, and Milwaukee. They will be kings of the National League Central. And if they do "manage" to miss the playoffs we always have this to look forward to.

One of the best parts of this season will be the Countdown to Pinella losing it. And I know know you think you've seen Lou lose it before, but this is the Cubs!! It's like buying 215 pounds of dynamite and storing it in the same cramped closet as your nitroglycerin collection. He is not just going to lose it, he going to REALLY GO BATSH*T INSANE!!!! So crazy that he will never be the same again. He'll blow a gasket and start wearing a diaper over his uniform. When he speaks, he'll only be able to recite lines from the Jetsons. I figure it will happen in April, during the Cubs road trip to St. Louis....April 29 would be my guess.

Who You Gonna Call?

Oh no ... it's Cop Rock.

Super Bowl XLI

While I'm sorry your Bears lost, at least it was a pretty good game and since you're in the NFC, the likelihood of coming back in the next few years is high. And at least now we won't have to hear how Manning can't win the big game anymore.

More important than the game however are the commercials. Instead of discussing plays and turnovers, what was everyone's favorite commercial? Mine was the Emerald Nuts "low blood sugar" commercial where Robert Goulet comes and fucks with your office while you're passed out.

Good stuff.

Peyton Manning Faces

Here are a bunch of sad Payton Manning faces. Maybe we'll see them this Sunday Night!

BEARS!

Do you want in on some of this?

The Colts are currently a 7 point favorite to win the Super Bowl. The Over/Under is 48.5 points.

If I was a betting man, I would take the Bears and the points, because IF the Colts win, I think it will be because of Vinateri's foot action rather than a field goal.

The over/under is a tough call, because when the Bears win, they usually crush you. The NFC title game vs New Orleans was close until the middle of the third quarter. The Bears still won by 25 points. But if the Colts win, well, they can put up a lot of points, too. Therefore, I'd go with the over.


Peyton Manning Faces!

Super Bowl: My PICK

AS many of you know, before my time in Chicago I hailed from the Biggest Little City in the USA: NAPTOWN, INDIANA! This puts me in a delicate situation in regards to the S-uperbowl, because my two favorite teams are playing each other. But these are the kinds of problems you want to have.

In any case, I have been having a lot of people ask me who I am pulling for in the big game. Honestly, I am rooting for both. I hope the game is one for the ages. Like the Rams/Tennessee one a few years back. Remember that dude being tackled a yard shy on the last play of the game?

Anyway, that's not the real question. The real question is: J-if you were bet all your meager possessions on one team to win the Championship, which team would it be?

The Answer to that question is the Bears.

And here is why: Everyone is making a big deal out of Rex Grossman and whether or not he can beat Manning. For the record I do not think Grossman is in Manning's class as a QB. But football is a team game. And the Bears play as a team. Grossman does not have to win the game for the Bears--the Bears won 13 games last year with a 3rd Stringer. But Payton Manning damn sure has to win it for the Colts. If Payton has a bad game, the Colts will lose. If Rex has a bad game, well, the Bears are used to winning anyway.

MY PICK: BEARS 37, Colts 21

GO BEARS!!!!!