Diary of An Indian Gavial

Dear Diary:

Well I don't know what to say--Today was a lot like yesterday. I woke up here in the swamp again. As soon as I did I noticed one of the female gavials looking at my small crocodilian pecker. She seemed to have some kind of shit eating grin on her face. I'd ask her about it but I am so unsure about what to say. Every time I open my powerful jaws only a deep groaning escapes.

Well, after waking up I went for a swim. I decided to visit my friend Bill the Big Eyed Trevally. He wasn't around, but then I remembered it was because I ate him yesterday.
And get this: me and Ralph are just sitting on the edge of the water, minding our own business, when some asshole waering Olive Drab camo and facepaint just crawls right up next to us. He seemed to be talking to himself about some Para-Medic or something. Well, Ralph slaps him with his tail a few times to welcome him to the swamp. The jerk just starts stabbing him! It didn't seem to bother Ralph, I think he thought it was funny. But after being stabbed 1000 times over the course of a half hour he dies and the guy starts eating him. I started to say something, but this creep tried to hurl a grenade down my throat. I just swam away. Eventually the guy took off too. I hope he doesn't come back again.

Anyway, I keep looking at that hornets nest over there. Those bees always look pissed.