I am losing it...
With no Air Conditioning, it is good I have no visitors. This is because when I am at home in summer my outfit usually consists of unchanged boxer shorts and a bbq suace and blood stained wife beater. So while dressing for the day is pretty easy, it is no way to receive company. I recenty realized why as I was passing by a mirror. Then I saw something. Something terrifying.
I have started to develop a paunch. You know, that funny roly poly bump just below your abs but above your junk? For years I have dodged it, hoping I wouldn't have to do any actual
work to appear attractive. It was great. I would look at others and secretly smile inside, knowing that for one more day, I had avoided the roly-poly fate that had beset my brethren.
I used to look at my dad's paunch and, along with his mustache, used to think it made him look ridiculous. (Add 70's fashion on top of that and the only thing I can logically attribute to my existence to is drugs). As a result, I have usually avoided beer and fast food and have invested heavily in Gillette products. But still I end up with one of these things. And honestly, it is like subtracting at least 1 from the length=length + 2 equation.
Anyway, I have to fix this. I don't know how. Will sit ups do it? This thing is below my abs, so I don't know. I may have to call in Billy Blanks and his Fat Fighting Special Forces. It seems my intestines have grown like the Grinches heart on Christmas morning. Even If I stand up straight it's still there.
With no Air Conditioning, it is good I have no visitors. This is because when I am at home in summer my outfit usually consists of unchanged boxer shorts and a bbq suace and blood stained wife beater. So while dressing for the day is pretty easy, it is no way to receive company. I recenty realized why as I was passing by a mirror. Then I saw something. Something terrifying.
I have started to develop a paunch. You know, that funny roly poly bump just below your abs but above your junk? For years I have dodged it, hoping I wouldn't have to do any actual
work to appear attractive. It was great. I would look at others and secretly smile inside, knowing that for one more day, I had avoided the roly-poly fate that had beset my brethren.
I used to look at my dad's paunch and, along with his mustache, used to think it made him look ridiculous. (Add 70's fashion on top of that and the only thing I can logically attribute to my existence to is drugs). As a result, I have usually avoided beer and fast food and have invested heavily in Gillette products. But still I end up with one of these things. And honestly, it is like subtracting at least 1 from the length=length + 2 equation.
Anyway, I have to fix this. I don't know how. Will sit ups do it? This thing is below my abs, so I don't know. I may have to call in Billy Blanks and his Fat Fighting Special Forces. It seems my intestines have grown like the Grinches heart on Christmas morning. Even If I stand up straight it's still there.
Now, I don't have the graphical capabilities of a Ken, but here is some before & after magic, courtesy of MSPAINT.
Comments Welcome....
Only now, when my post is over, do I realize that I should have put a smile on the "before" drawing.
ReplyDeleteJust be glad you don't have the front ass going on. There's nothing worse than those people who feel compelled to wear their pants at their true waist level, thus tightly packaging their jelly roll into a fine front ass.
ReplyDeletep.s. If it makes you feel better, I've been the owner of a paunch for years now - even after the weight loss. ;)
ReplyDeleteIt actually makes me feel a little, well, normal.
ReplyDelete