Do You have a Question for the All Powerful and unbelievably wise General (may he reign in blood forever)? Now is your chance to ask it! Anacock will answer any questions you may have...post them below!
My Liege, I'm becoming concerned that I'm not getting enough vitamins and minerals in my diet. What sorts of dietary supplements does Your Lordship endorse to ensure peak physical performance and continued dominance?
The only healthy diet is that of PAIN! The facilitation of hate and anger are my daily supplements! I feast on the screams of children and the satisfying sound of a puppy's head being crushed under my boot!!
Aside from that, try to limit 'simple' sugars and processed carbs. Increase your fresh vegetable intake and drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Do this, and you won't be slapping yourself in the head proclaiming 'I should have had a V8!'
First, that burning sensation is actually the fire of repressed HATE trying to get out of you! You must channel your anger and aggression towards the homeless and those that are less fortunate. By sticking your jackboot into the neck of a hobo, you may come to welcome the burn!
Regarding your cheating wife, that has been taken care of already. I suggest that you do not return home and under no circumstances should you check the trunk of your car before Friday.
For many days now I have been eating nails and drinking nitroglycerine in a vain attempt to be more like you. The problem is, instead of pissing lightning and crapping thunder, I am instead losing massive amounts of blood through these orifices (orifii?). How do you do it?
Ah, it's just a simple mix-up on your part: you should be DRINKING the nails and EATING the nitroglycerin. Since liquefying nails may require some serious smelting that is only safe for a Lord of Darkness like myself, you may substitute 'Liquid Nails' industrial glue. As for getting your hands on some nitro, I would suggest following me into the bathroom one day, as I crap it on a regular basis. Just pick out the corn.
While Ms. Arthur is by far the most handsome woman on the planet, there is no way that ANY woman's womb could contain my seed of hate. Only Satan himself could bare my love child, and he shoots me down on a regular basis. What a pussy!
It is not common knowledge, but I actually played bass for both bands! While I deflowered many more virgins on tour with Lavicious Hate, it was on the 'Hittin' Satan Where It Spurts' tour with Gore Needle that I did blow for the first time. BLEW MY FREAKIN' MIND MAN!
This morning I went to the bus stop at 7:00. I waited until 7:30 for a bus. Actually four buses-they were all bunched together. By the time I got to work, it was 8:20--I was late. At least Mousalini(sp?) made the trains run on time. What are you going to do about this?
Unfortunately those were the buses I chose for my weekly fellating. I couldn't let the buses go until everyone on the bus got down and kissed my one eyed monster. Unfortunately an elderly woman fell asleep half way through and it took us a while to wake her.
I apologize for the convenience and I have given that old lady your number. She will service you promptly. Just be sure to keep a wooden stick handy to smack her awake!
Everybody knows you make all the important decisions. That being said, I was real surprised at who you let win the Academy Awards. You really faked out 'DreamGirls' for best song. And you finally gave Martin Scorsese the Award he earned 3x over. I thought for sure you were gonna shaft him again. Can you justify some of your choices for us?
While it is true that I do indeed control everything in the universe, every once in a while I like to 'take a night off' and just walk the earth enjoying all the terror and pestilence I've created. So, on these occasions I will go to the local temp agency and hire an hourly worker to control everything while I go about dancing with the dead.
It just so happens that the temp I hired was Britney Spears. I know, she's been in trouble lately, but I figured that she just needed some busy work to take her mind off things. Obviously, she was in charge of torturing the Academy members into voting for our heinous choices. Well, I had no idea that she'd go completely BATSHITINSANE and shave her head, attack paparazzi with an umbrella, and give Scorsese the Oscar.
If it makes you feel better, **POTENTIAL SPOILER** he'll be dead within the year.
Dear Esteemed General,
ReplyDeleteAs you both are the same rank, I am confused as to who is more supreme...yourself or General Zod. I am guessing you...am I right?
The President of the United States
My Liege,
ReplyDeleteI'm becoming concerned that I'm not getting enough vitamins and minerals in my diet. What sorts of dietary supplements does Your Lordship endorse to ensure peak physical performance and continued dominance?
Sincerely,
Bill Shinsplits
My servant Bill,
ReplyDeleteThe only healthy diet is that of PAIN! The facilitation of hate and anger are my daily supplements! I feast on the screams of children and the satisfying sound of a puppy's head being crushed under my boot!!
Aside from that, try to limit 'simple' sugars and processed carbs. Increase your fresh vegetable intake and drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. Do this, and you won't be slapping yourself in the head proclaiming 'I should have had a V8!'
General,
ReplyDeleteIt burns when I urinate.
What should I do about the symptoms and what should I do about my cheating wife?
- Bob from Denver
Denver Bob,
ReplyDeleteFirst, that burning sensation is actually the fire of repressed HATE trying to get out of you! You must channel your anger and aggression towards the homeless and those that are less fortunate. By sticking your jackboot into the neck of a hobo, you may come to welcome the burn!
Regarding your cheating wife, that has been taken care of already. I suggest that you do not return home and under no circumstances should you check the trunk of your car before Friday.
Generalisomo,
ReplyDeleteFor many days now I have been eating nails and drinking nitroglycerine in a vain attempt to be more like you. The problem is, instead of pissing lightning and crapping thunder, I am instead losing massive amounts of blood through these orifices (orifii?). How do you do it?
Surgeon of Power,
ReplyDeleteAh, it's just a simple mix-up on your part: you should be DRINKING the nails and EATING the nitroglycerin. Since liquefying nails may require some serious smelting that is only safe for a Lord of Darkness like myself, you may substitute 'Liquid Nails' industrial glue. As for getting your hands on some nitro, I would suggest following me into the bathroom one day, as I crap it on a regular basis. Just pick out the corn.
Dude,
ReplyDeleteAre Dr. House and Dr. Cuddy totally going to get it on or what?
House Invader,
ReplyDeleteThere's a reason House walks with a limp.
Yo AnaCOCK,
ReplyDeleteI heard you once hooked up with Bea Arthur (pictured below) and fathered a love child with her. Is this true?
Bea Lover,
ReplyDeleteWhile Ms. Arthur is by far the most handsome woman on the planet, there is no way that ANY woman's womb could contain my seed of hate. Only Satan himself could bare my love child, and he shoots me down on a regular basis. What a pussy!
General,
ReplyDeleteWhich album is better - Lavicious Hate's "Calculate The Mass Of The Beast" or Gore Needle's "Drinking The Hellspew"?
- the guy from Kindred
KinDREAD,
ReplyDeleteIt is not common knowledge, but I actually played bass for both bands! While I deflowered many more virgins on tour with Lavicious Hate, it was on the 'Hittin' Satan Where It Spurts' tour with Gore Needle that I did blow for the first time. BLEW MY FREAKIN' MIND MAN!
Final Answer: Sabbath kicks all their asses!
Dammit General,
ReplyDeleteThis morning I went to the bus stop at 7:00. I waited until 7:30 for a bus. Actually four buses-they were all bunched together. By the time I got to work, it was 8:20--I was late. At least Mousalini(sp?) made the trains run on time. What are you going to do about this?
Mr. Salerno,
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately those were the buses I chose for my weekly fellating. I couldn't let the buses go until everyone on the bus got down and kissed my one eyed monster. Unfortunately an elderly woman fell asleep half way through and it took us a while to wake her.
I apologize for the convenience and I have given that old lady your number. She will service you promptly. Just be sure to keep a wooden stick handy to smack her awake!
Generalisimo,
ReplyDeleteEverybody knows you make all the important decisions. That being said, I was real surprised at who you let win the Academy Awards. You really faked out 'DreamGirls' for best song. And you finally gave Martin Scorsese the Award he earned 3x over. I thought for sure you were gonna shaft him again. Can you justify some of your choices for us?
Surge Machine,
ReplyDeleteWhile it is true that I do indeed control everything in the universe, every once in a while I like to 'take a night off' and just walk the earth enjoying all the terror and pestilence I've created. So, on these occasions I will go to the local temp agency and hire an hourly worker to control everything while I go about dancing with the dead.
It just so happens that the temp I hired was Britney Spears. I know, she's been in trouble lately, but I figured that she just needed some busy work to take her mind off things. Obviously, she was in charge of torturing the Academy members into voting for our heinous choices. Well, I had no idea that she'd go completely BATSHITINSANE and shave her head, attack paparazzi with an umbrella, and give Scorsese the Oscar.
If it makes you feel better, **POTENTIAL SPOILER** he'll be dead within the year.