{edit: image added by General Anacock}
GET
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Happy Birthday Kevin!
I don't have anything clever to say ... the post's title says it all.
{edit: image added by General Anacock}
{edit: image added by General Anacock}
Monday, April 14, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Uwe can be stopped!
According to JoBlo.com, Mr. Boll has said that if a million signatures are collected, he'd stop making films. Currently, there are almost 100,000 signatures, do your part!
SIGN THE PETITION
This is what should happen to Uwe Boll if he doesn't agree to quit.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Sunday, April 06, 2008
San Diego officially has 31 Flavors...
...and all of them taste like Ian! Happy 31st to a dude who, like The Undertaker, has never lost at WrestleMania! I thought it would be a cool present if we shipped you a full suit of armor for your birthday, but I just thought of that right now as I typed it and it's probably too late to get it shipped. Hope it was a good one anyway!
[above file photo taken from actual video footage of subject rampaging through San Diego County during last year's wildfires.]
Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
CHINESE DEMOCRACY?!?
Dr. Pepper is offering everyone in America a free Dr. Pepper if Chinese Democracy ships in 2008.
See also:
http://pressreleasetosaveworld.blogspot.com/
See also:
http://pressreleasetosaveworld.blogspot.com/
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The NEW Desktop Tower Defense
We gotta get this guy on UHS.
-------- All hail the king of Crayon! -----
This message brought to you by California voters for Schwarzenegger and the color purple.
-------- All hail the king of Crayon! -----
This message brought to you by California voters for Schwarzenegger and the color purple.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
March Slight Hysteria!
Hey, I set up a league on Yahoo for the March Madness Brackets.
http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/
Group ID is 136710
password is BASKETBALL!
Feel free to invite others.
No money is involved, but I'm willing to set a Taco Bell side bet.
http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/
Group ID is 136710
password is BASKETBALL!
Feel free to invite others.
No money is involved, but I'm willing to set a Taco Bell side bet.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
The Most Sexist Thing you'll read today!
I am a chauvanist.
Think about that. What connotation does that word have? It is probably not very positive. Just my saying that probably makes you want to distance yourself from me. But I am not a reason abandoning "All Women can take a hike" chavanist. More like a "I'm just one person trying to make it in a complicated world and fair should be fair" chauvanist.
Now when a woman says "I am a feminist" it is greeted with approval. If a woman says "Life is hard for women" everybody nods their heads. If you say "Boy it's tough being a man" you are expected to be holding a mic and standing in a spotlight in front of a fake brick wall while the people watching you cruise past a 2 drink minimum.
Guess what? Life is hard for EVERYBODY. For every ovarian cancer you have a prostate tumor. The phrase "Shit happens" is gender neutral.
But for every gender neutral phrase, we have a gender unbalanced statistic. Women like to quote the belief that women on average make 75 cents on every dollar for a man. They will throw that shit in a man's face all day. Well get this: Since starting college I've worked for 7 different employers. In EVERY SINGLE ONE there was a woman who made more money than I did. In all but one of those, a woman was the head of their respected division. In a majority there were also women supervisors. In my current job the VP, the department manager and the three supervisors are all female. So I am not seeing a glass ceiling, and if you as woman are bumping into it, it must be because you are standing on my broad, virile shoulders.
Now prepare to have your sacred stat debunked because it does not consider that women usually take themselves out of the workforce after having children. So those females average zero on earnings. They are Blue from "Old School" --dragging down the average of other productive members of their group. The only time a man takes himself out of the workforce is if he is crippled, dead, retired, or if he divorced Britney Spears.
I believe that men sold the farm. And they did it for that resources they can't provide for themselves: heaving bosoms, a round ass you can balance a can of beer on, and some sweet potato pie. Well, I don't have any of those, I am no position to get any of those and that puts me in a unique position to tell the truth. Sp even if you can't agree with me in public lest you lose your hook-up, use the anonymous power of the internet to give me a thumbs up while you mumble "bros before hos" under your breath.
Think about that. What connotation does that word have? It is probably not very positive. Just my saying that probably makes you want to distance yourself from me. But I am not a reason abandoning "All Women can take a hike" chavanist. More like a "I'm just one person trying to make it in a complicated world and fair should be fair" chauvanist.
Now when a woman says "I am a feminist" it is greeted with approval. If a woman says "Life is hard for women" everybody nods their heads. If you say "Boy it's tough being a man" you are expected to be holding a mic and standing in a spotlight in front of a fake brick wall while the people watching you cruise past a 2 drink minimum.
Guess what? Life is hard for EVERYBODY. For every ovarian cancer you have a prostate tumor. The phrase "Shit happens" is gender neutral.
But for every gender neutral phrase, we have a gender unbalanced statistic. Women like to quote the belief that women on average make 75 cents on every dollar for a man. They will throw that shit in a man's face all day. Well get this: Since starting college I've worked for 7 different employers. In EVERY SINGLE ONE there was a woman who made more money than I did. In all but one of those, a woman was the head of their respected division. In a majority there were also women supervisors. In my current job the VP, the department manager and the three supervisors are all female. So I am not seeing a glass ceiling, and if you as woman are bumping into it, it must be because you are standing on my broad, virile shoulders.
Now prepare to have your sacred stat debunked because it does not consider that women usually take themselves out of the workforce after having children. So those females average zero on earnings. They are Blue from "Old School" --dragging down the average of other productive members of their group. The only time a man takes himself out of the workforce is if he is crippled, dead, retired, or if he divorced Britney Spears.
I believe that men sold the farm. And they did it for that resources they can't provide for themselves: heaving bosoms, a round ass you can balance a can of beer on, and some sweet potato pie. Well, I don't have any of those, I am no position to get any of those and that puts me in a unique position to tell the truth. Sp even if you can't agree with me in public lest you lose your hook-up, use the anonymous power of the internet to give me a thumbs up while you mumble "bros before hos" under your breath.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day, honey!
This is an ad that appeared in a local flyer... one of those junk mail inserts you get, that has coupons for area businesses. I happened upon this and decided to scan it. The caption has not been altered in any way.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
This Has Been A Pretty Lame Apocalypse
I mean sure, there was the flood in New Orleans, the fires in California, the Tsunami in some Asian country I could care less about (but Angelina Jolie does to keep her endless supply line of children in tact), but this Apocalypse really hasn't been that impressive.
Sure there's the housing market collapse, the war in the Middle East, the writer's strike, the choice of either Obama, Clinton, or McCain as President, the failure of Steven Colbert to gain a nomination - but really, is this all Mother Nature's got?!?
I guess we all just got spoiled by those scary stories in the Bible with first born dying and rivers flowing with blood - plagues, disease. Instead we get some killer bees that got lost somewhere on the way to North America, some cicadas that forget to actually come up (most likely because their larvae were destroyed building another Walgreens), and some 98 year old man winning an Oscar and ranting on for 15 minutes about how he had breakfast at Denny's and his toast was too soft and the waitress could have been nicer and shown respect for a veteran of foreign wars.
Seriously, if this Apocalypse is going to be any good at all, we need some more ACTION, suspense, and blood! How bout some real Mad Max shit!! How about some evil corporation (I'm looking at you Apple!) building a highly advanced computer system that becomes self aware and starts implanting iPods onto every living being, taking over their minds and distracting them from..........
......aw shit....
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
An Open Letter To Old Man Winter
Dear Old Man Winter-
Fuck You. And the Canadian air mass you rode in on.
Disrespectfully,
Josh
PS-I am sorry. That may have sounded rude, and I was raised better than to speak that way to my elders. But come on, dude. We appreciate it when you show up on Christmas and bring snow and what have you along. It's charming. But the fact is, it's past Valentine's Day and your still parked on our couch. The party ended a long time ago, and you keep hanging out showing us the same old dusting of snow and bitter fucking cold routines. Now the charm has changed past being annoying to making me apoplectic. I'd like to go outside and not require a scarf or long underwear. Please...one day in the fucking 30's is all I am asking for here. It's still wintery, just not HARDCORE wintery, right.
Also, just so you know I am getting my Uncle Spring on the phone. He'll be here in a couple of weeks to kick your frozen fucking skull in. Suck it.
Fuck You. And the Canadian air mass you rode in on.
Disrespectfully,
Josh
PS-I am sorry. That may have sounded rude, and I was raised better than to speak that way to my elders. But come on, dude. We appreciate it when you show up on Christmas and bring snow and what have you along. It's charming. But the fact is, it's past Valentine's Day and your still parked on our couch. The party ended a long time ago, and you keep hanging out showing us the same old dusting of snow and bitter fucking cold routines. Now the charm has changed past being annoying to making me apoplectic. I'd like to go outside and not require a scarf or long underwear. Please...one day in the fucking 30's is all I am asking for here. It's still wintery, just not HARDCORE wintery, right.
Also, just so you know I am getting my Uncle Spring on the phone. He'll be here in a couple of weeks to kick your frozen fucking skull in. Suck it.
Quitting Smoking
Well, I seem to have accomplished the impossible...I have managed to go 6 weeks without a cigarette. And although I don't consider myself out of the woods just yet, I think it is a noteworthy accomplishment that hopefully I can stick with.
Here is my advice to smokers looking to quit: DON'T DO IT! KEEP SMOKING! You'll be much happier right up until the point where you need to sneak a puff inside your oxygen tent. Then you'll be dead, and you'll have escaped the pain of withdrawal completely.
Because buddy, I have to tell you...quitting smoking sucks.
The first two days are bad enough--you are edgy and your emotions are all over the place. You'll get headaches. Sometimes you'll feel a little dizzy.
We're just getting warmed up. EVERYTHING will piss you off. Seriously, if Gisele and Fergie got in a fight over your dick, you'd be upset that there isn't enough hair pulling/open handed slapping/clothes rending going on. Then when things settled down you are gonna be pissed that they stopped. You will kick a hole in something or someone.
Okay, now after about a week of this the physical changes kick in. Your lungs swell up like a couple of blimps as they start to reject the years of tar and phlegm which you have caked them with. You become a human loogie farmer, horking your yellow crop across sidewalks wherever you go. And the cough. The cough is bad. Sometimes you'll cough up something solid and accidentally chew on it. Whoops. And forget about sleeping regularly.
Then comes the quitter's flu. This is the absolute worst, because after about a week and a half of feeling like crap, you learn what crap feels like when it says it feels like crap. Your temperature is going to soar into the low 100's, nothing will stay down, and you will not stop coughing because there is 1 piece of something dangling in your lung that won't come loose. "Maybe if I keep coughing it will break free" you'll think. But it won't. It is going to annoy you for another 2 weeks. In the meantime, you'll have fever dreams where Peter Stourmare is chasing you down in a golf cart, trying to steal your 1-Up Mushroom.
If you make through all this, the worst is over, although you'll continue to have good days and bad days. Well mostly bad days. I think a part of you will always want to go back to flavor country. At those times you'll have to catch yourself and say "Well at least I don't have to go stand outside in 4 degree weather."
In any case, I wish you the best.
Here is my advice to smokers looking to quit: DON'T DO IT! KEEP SMOKING! You'll be much happier right up until the point where you need to sneak a puff inside your oxygen tent. Then you'll be dead, and you'll have escaped the pain of withdrawal completely.
Because buddy, I have to tell you...quitting smoking sucks.
The first two days are bad enough--you are edgy and your emotions are all over the place. You'll get headaches. Sometimes you'll feel a little dizzy.
We're just getting warmed up. EVERYTHING will piss you off. Seriously, if Gisele and Fergie got in a fight over your dick, you'd be upset that there isn't enough hair pulling/open handed slapping/clothes rending going on. Then when things settled down you are gonna be pissed that they stopped. You will kick a hole in something or someone.
Okay, now after about a week of this the physical changes kick in. Your lungs swell up like a couple of blimps as they start to reject the years of tar and phlegm which you have caked them with. You become a human loogie farmer, horking your yellow crop across sidewalks wherever you go. And the cough. The cough is bad. Sometimes you'll cough up something solid and accidentally chew on it. Whoops. And forget about sleeping regularly.
Then comes the quitter's flu. This is the absolute worst, because after about a week and a half of feeling like crap, you learn what crap feels like when it says it feels like crap. Your temperature is going to soar into the low 100's, nothing will stay down, and you will not stop coughing because there is 1 piece of something dangling in your lung that won't come loose. "Maybe if I keep coughing it will break free" you'll think. But it won't. It is going to annoy you for another 2 weeks. In the meantime, you'll have fever dreams where Peter Stourmare is chasing you down in a golf cart, trying to steal your 1-Up Mushroom.
If you make through all this, the worst is over, although you'll continue to have good days and bad days. Well mostly bad days. I think a part of you will always want to go back to flavor country. At those times you'll have to catch yourself and say "Well at least I don't have to go stand outside in 4 degree weather."
In any case, I wish you the best.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
And now for the inexplicable...
Where have I been? Studying for the CPA still, married, changing jobs, helping my wife change jobs, living life and masturbating to metallica in my basement with a blacklight while freebasing everclear.
And now the inexplicable...please click here
It's not me in the robe but if I said it was me, would you believe me?
Sound is required and its not exactly safe for work. No nudity or anything just, well, nevermind.
And now the inexplicable...please click here
It's not me in the robe but if I said it was me, would you believe me?
Sound is required and its not exactly safe for work. No nudity or anything just, well, nevermind.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
You may know where I live ...
But I know how to defend my desktop! Check out this little free webgame that's wasted almost more of my life than my third wife ... You can post high scores to a group so we can compare our skillz ... I've started the group "King of the Ring" (don't enter quote marks).
It's simple but it's time consuming (and the 10,000 gold - 100 level challenge is FUCKING impossible ... I've gotten to level 83 or so).
It's simple but it's time consuming (and the 10,000 gold - 100 level challenge is FUCKING impossible ... I've gotten to level 83 or so).
Friday, February 01, 2008
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! Love, swimfan
ZabaSearch
This site is creepy accurate. It can basically bring up everywhere you've lived, phone numbers, and sometimes birth month and year. I was able to find all you guys - I may even have found H.O.G.!
This site is creepy accurate. It can basically bring up everywhere you've lived, phone numbers, and sometimes birth month and year. I was able to find all you guys - I may even have found H.O.G.!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Another Legitimate Yellow Pages Ad
SO I am skimming the Yellow Pages in Arlington, TX today and I happen upon this ad...
J. GILLIGAN'S BAR & GRILL! See you there, Lenny, Penny, Denny, Kenny!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
PSYCHIC POWERS!
So some lady hopped on my elevator at work today. She proceeded to press the wrong button, then corrected herself. "Wouldn't it be odd if when we stopped at the wrong floor, there was someone waiting to go up?" I thought to myself. Then it happened! I have a psychic gift. How should I use this power? I know--I will use it to review movies before they come out--thereby cornering the market on movie reviews. Mine will always be first.
For example--Will Farrell--in his new movie he will be playing some random sport. He will portray himself as an ignorant ass. He will often comment on how sexy he is even though he isn't sexy at all. At one point he will talk continuously in a loud, overbearing monotone voice. He will pretend to cry at least once. Teens and twentysomethings will gobble this stuff up like corn flakes.
I will also use my powers to predict YOUR futures--
Ken- At some point this season you will play QB for the Bears. Good job leading us to a victory over the Packers.
Kevin-You will find some way to win our fantasy football league. Then thinking yourself lucky you will purchase a scratch off lottery ticket. You will only match 2 like amounts, making the ticket a bust since you need to match 3.
Ian-You will steal a namplate off a Prius and attach it to the back of your car in order to use the Carpool lanes.
Dan-You will not read this until December, at the earliest.
There you go.
For example--Will Farrell--in his new movie he will be playing some random sport. He will portray himself as an ignorant ass. He will often comment on how sexy he is even though he isn't sexy at all. At one point he will talk continuously in a loud, overbearing monotone voice. He will pretend to cry at least once. Teens and twentysomethings will gobble this stuff up like corn flakes.
I will also use my powers to predict YOUR futures--
Ken- At some point this season you will play QB for the Bears. Good job leading us to a victory over the Packers.
Kevin-You will find some way to win our fantasy football league. Then thinking yourself lucky you will purchase a scratch off lottery ticket. You will only match 2 like amounts, making the ticket a bust since you need to match 3.
Ian-You will steal a namplate off a Prius and attach it to the back of your car in order to use the Carpool lanes.
Dan-You will not read this until December, at the earliest.
There you go.
Monday, October 29, 2007
LinkedIn.com = Satan's Workshop?
I received a request from a coworker to join my LinkedIn.com network. That's not unusual. What was unusual was the brazen anti-Christian sentiment from LinkedIn's invitation:
Saturday, October 27, 2007
All Hallows Eve is nigh upon us ...
Just thought I'd bring back a bit of the past with this one ... I'll be at a wedding (in full costume since I escaped being a groomsman) ... anyone else have interesting plans?
Of course, one of the best things about this picture is how much it looks photoshopped ... even though it's the real deal. That and how Kevin's costume seems to be a complete void, into which no good can escape and all evil dwells.
I must have been a werewolf on a new moon that night ... or an incredibly calm Hulk ... or your mom after the operation ... I had a good run of non-costume costumes for a while. Man, am I lazy! If a good picture results from this Halloween, I'll post it ... otherwise just imagine a half-Asian man in ... wait, I don't want to spoil it ... stay tuned ... maybe I'll post something else later in the week ... or maybe I'll pull a Rod O' Ruin and forget this post ever happened ... one never knows (though he looks like a date rapist - now there's a non-costume costume I can really get behind ... so to speak.)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
And now for something completely different ...
Since the fires are so boring now, I perused the Internet to see if it was worth putting "captivity" on my netflix list and checked out some of the message board on IMDb ... the following picture is probably the funniest response I've ever seen on the IMDb message boards ...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Thank You For Your Support :)
I appreciate the couch offer ... I really hope I don't need it and I suppose if any of you pray to Yahweh or Allah, we could use some divine intervention to get the wind to stop so they can do some airdrops and actually start containing this fire.
To get you up to date since I'm sure my info is more current (and it's on all the channels instead of any regular programming ... NBC is reairing Monday night primetime on Sunday for us), the current count of evacuated residents in San Diego is 300,000 and as of this morning there were at least 1,000 homes and another 100 commercial properties burned down.
I just heard an updated California wide count (LA and San Diego basically) and it's at 500,000 people evacuated and 200,000 acres burned. The Witch Creek fire (denoted in one of the pics below) alone is at 145,000 acres.
The fires have encircled San Diego, from Fallbrook/Ramona to the north to the mountains east (and a little fire started about 5 miles east of me near Tierrasanta) and there's a big fire that started near the Mexico border and is coming north towards Chula Vista and Spring Valley that they say is getting close to a housing development of like 2500 homes. (that damn wall we built keeps it away from Mexico :). The thing that's really creepy is that they've done mandatory and voluntary evacuations from Fallbrook/Poway all the way due west to the ocean ... The OCEAN.
I guess this is the almighty punishing us for not getting rid of the Chargers yet.
Anywho, here are some pictures of what things look like ... if the weather cooperates, I'm sure everything will come under control in the next few days ... if it continues to act like a bitch, then I might start packing up a few things and hope that I can get through one of the fires since they've closed certain freeways and maybe I'll live in Chicago and just dodge blizzards for a while. :)
To get you up to date since I'm sure my info is more current (and it's on all the channels instead of any regular programming ... NBC is reairing Monday night primetime on Sunday for us), the current count of evacuated residents in San Diego is 300,000 and as of this morning there were at least 1,000 homes and another 100 commercial properties burned down.
I just heard an updated California wide count (LA and San Diego basically) and it's at 500,000 people evacuated and 200,000 acres burned. The Witch Creek fire (denoted in one of the pics below) alone is at 145,000 acres.
The fires have encircled San Diego, from Fallbrook/Ramona to the north to the mountains east (and a little fire started about 5 miles east of me near Tierrasanta) and there's a big fire that started near the Mexico border and is coming north towards Chula Vista and Spring Valley that they say is getting close to a housing development of like 2500 homes. (that damn wall we built keeps it away from Mexico :). The thing that's really creepy is that they've done mandatory and voluntary evacuations from Fallbrook/Poway all the way due west to the ocean ... The OCEAN.
I guess this is the almighty punishing us for not getting rid of the Chargers yet.
Anywho, here are some pictures of what things look like ... if the weather cooperates, I'm sure everything will come under control in the next few days ... if it continues to act like a bitch, then I might start packing up a few things and hope that I can get through one of the fires since they've closed certain freeways and maybe I'll live in Chicago and just dodge blizzards for a while. :)
Monday, October 22, 2007
Stay Safe, Hank!
Right now EN is waking up to this:
Stay safe, buddy! There is a flame retardant couch here for you if you need it!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
Saturday, October 06, 2007
I want to be like Ken!
Well it's not quite the hunger but I figured I need to start adding my own bands to the list. Some of you may have already seen this on Family Guy, but I think its worth making sure we take a minute out of ourlives to waste a bit more time.
Monday, September 10, 2007
CTA DOOMSDAY EDGES CLOSER
Maybe you own a new car. Maybe it's the car of the future that runs off magic. Well, if you are that person I envy you. Because if I want to go anywhere of note, I have to take the CTA.
Now you may remember I blogged on how I went to a CTA meeting a while back, and it turned out to be pretty much everything the Onion said it would be (see link). But despite all the inanity of that meeting, I never really thought that Illinois politicians would have enough balls to anger every single voter who takes the CTA, Metra, and Pace. In fact, I smiled as I thought about it...if the CTA went offline what would happen to Chicago's economy? I was able to laugh at this scenario because I was positive they would work something out to delay a fare increase and service decrease and avoid screwing over the working man. To do otherwise would be political suicide...right?
But now Governor Blagojevich, Emil Jones, Mayor Daley, the Madigans and anyone else in charge is preparing to "Deer Hunter" themselves. I just don't understand why.
The Gov says he is opposed to raising taxes on working people. Hey Numbnuts-Maybe you didn't realize this but working people--the same working people IN CHICAGO who overwhelmingly elected you two times--are still gonna lose that money when fares go up. Probably more than the .05% they'd spend on a sales tax that would remedy the problem. This proves that a skeevy politician can't save you from skeevy politicians.
Tom Cross, Some dickhead representative from Oswego says he wouldn't approve the measure unless the legislature approved more money for the roads in his district to relieve traffic congestion. Guess what duder? You better tack on another hour to your commute--because of you it is now cheaper to drive than it is to take the train. So all those people who took Metra are gonna be sitting ahead of you in traffic. E-A-D!
Also, I hope you enjoy polishing up your resume. Hopefully you'll need to after the first Tuesday in November.
Now you may remember I blogged on how I went to a CTA meeting a while back, and it turned out to be pretty much everything the Onion said it would be (see link). But despite all the inanity of that meeting, I never really thought that Illinois politicians would have enough balls to anger every single voter who takes the CTA, Metra, and Pace. In fact, I smiled as I thought about it...if the CTA went offline what would happen to Chicago's economy? I was able to laugh at this scenario because I was positive they would work something out to delay a fare increase and service decrease and avoid screwing over the working man. To do otherwise would be political suicide...right?
But now Governor Blagojevich, Emil Jones, Mayor Daley, the Madigans and anyone else in charge is preparing to "Deer Hunter" themselves. I just don't understand why.
The Gov says he is opposed to raising taxes on working people. Hey Numbnuts-Maybe you didn't realize this but working people--the same working people IN CHICAGO who overwhelmingly elected you two times--are still gonna lose that money when fares go up. Probably more than the .05% they'd spend on a sales tax that would remedy the problem. This proves that a skeevy politician can't save you from skeevy politicians.
Tom Cross, Some dickhead representative from Oswego says he wouldn't approve the measure unless the legislature approved more money for the roads in his district to relieve traffic congestion. Guess what duder? You better tack on another hour to your commute--because of you it is now cheaper to drive than it is to take the train. So all those people who took Metra are gonna be sitting ahead of you in traffic. E-A-D!
Also, I hope you enjoy polishing up your resume. Hopefully you'll need to after the first Tuesday in November.
Friday, September 07, 2007
iThink you are a big Pussy
Recently news broke that Apple is going to reduce the price of the 8GB iPhone to only $399. Now a bunch of people are pissed because they paid $600 for it--and get this--they want their $200 back!
Now if I am Steve Jobs this is the part where I make the customer kiss my iAss.
See, back in the middle of the summer when this thing came out people couldn't wait to pay $600. Hell, there are people who would have paid two or three times that. And when they got one I bet it was worth every goddamn ipenny to their self-centered pretentious asses. The truth of the matter is, people would STILL be paying $600 for one if the price wasn't reduced and they'd be happy about it. The consumer's made the decision that having the newest gizmo was more important than having $600...knowing full well the price would eventually drop.
Now that it has they have no right to be upset. Sometimes you eat a shit sandwich with no napkin, assholes, and this is one of those times when you saddle up to the counter and dig on in.
"No, PowerSurgeon, you are wrong!" You disagree? Well, then I am sure you are going to do your damndest to get me back all the money I spent on this:
That's right. The original 6 Switch Atari 2600, complete with 2 joystick controllers, a TV switch, 2 paddles, and COMBAT. I spent well over $200 of my parent's money on this when it debuted in 1977 and I still have the welts my folks peppered on my ass to prove it. Now, you can get this at a garage sale for $5, IF the owner is the King of all Hagglers. Just today on the street I saw somebody try to give a homeless guy a copy of COMBAT and the homeless guy wouldn't even wipe his bottom with it. Seriously, How was I supposed to know the price was going to drop through the floor?
Monday, September 03, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Bonds Reaches for the ****'s
Well, Barry Bonds did it. He devalued "the most hallowed record in all of sports" and proved that bad guys can win, crime DOES pay, and users are not always losers. Home Run number 756 sailed out of AT&T park last night, and I feel a little sadder for having this guy as the Home Run King. That's because even in the mind of the most die hard Giants fan, there is a small voice that says something isn't right. That is this:
1. He admitted to using steroids. HE USED PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS. According to him though, he thought it was flaxseed oil. It was unintentional.
2. His head grew 1.5" and his feet grew 2 sizes after age 35, but he never consulted a doctor about this acute onset elephantitus. Why not? Because he knew he was using drugs that caused that to happen.
3. If an honest player found out he was using steroids, that he was unknowingly dosed with them, he would come forward immediately and report what had happened and make sure the person who slipped him a genetic mickey went away for a while. Bonds did not do this either.
4. Barry Bonds is an a**hole. I would rather pay to see him get hit by a bat, than hit something with a bat.
4. Barry Bonds is an a**hole. I would rather pay to see him get hit by a bat, than hit something with a bat.
5. Visual aids above.
Edit By Ken:
Edit By Ken:
Don't forget this one:
Monday, August 06, 2007
More Music Artists Under the Scimitar Label
Due to the overwhelming success of 'The Hunger', I've decided to add two MEGASTAR artists to my record label. I hope you are as excited as I am. If not, I will spite you.
Prepare to be spitten!
Prepare to be spitten!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Top 10 strip club names
I can't decide if these are the ten best or the ten worst, so I'll leave that up to you, the reader.
1. The Grand Opening
2. Crusty Olive
3. The Sloppery
4. Crabcakes
5. Haunted Ho's
6. Hogwart's
7. Barter Town
8. the lobby of the UHS building
9. Brew 'n Brawl
10. Altered Breasts
I need sleep....
1. The Grand Opening
2. Crusty Olive
3. The Sloppery
4. Crabcakes
5. Haunted Ho's
6. Hogwart's
7. Barter Town
8. the lobby of the UHS building
9. Brew 'n Brawl
10. Altered Breasts
I need sleep....
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Say it ain't so!
I just heard a report that in August, the Weekly World News will no longer print up their wonderful and crazy stories that helped shape our Posse scrapbook ... this really is the year of my discontent.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
The Greatest Bar Ever
Recently, Kauke invited me out to a bar. The place is real close to where I live, so I swung on by.
Little did I know that I was entering the closest thing to Valhalla on Earth.
I know this because as I entered the Clutch LP PITCHFORK was playing.
KUMA'S CORNER
http://kumas-corner.com/index.php
Where all the 1/2 Pound Hamburgers are named after Metal Bands!
Of course I ate the Clutch Burger...It was good.
The only complaints I have about this place is that it is kind of pricey. Next time you visit me, we'll go there.
Little did I know that I was entering the closest thing to Valhalla on Earth.
I know this because as I entered the Clutch LP PITCHFORK was playing.
KUMA'S CORNER
http://kumas-corner.com/index.php
Where all the 1/2 Pound Hamburgers are named after Metal Bands!
Of course I ate the Clutch Burger...It was good.
The only complaints I have about this place is that it is kind of pricey. Next time you visit me, we'll go there.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Stop Ducking Me, Benoit!
Chris Benoit! Lots of people acknowledge you as the best technical wrestler in the world today! Well that's just because they haven't yet seen the likes of the Mysterious Quasar! You may have pinned Fatback Jack's shoulders to the mat for a three count, and ended the reign of Trent Vanity as AWF champ, but you won't beat Quasar...because you can't! My gamma ray repeating powerbomb will prove to be your final undoing. After I have pinned you and ended your career, I will make you will raise my hand in the air and acknowledge me as not only as a superior wrestler, but as a superior being. And only then will you have shown me the proper respect that I have earned as the 5 time Mr. Alternate Universe. There is nowhere to hide Benoit, because the Final Answer Pay Per View is this Sunday! See you there!
What?
Friday, June 22, 2007
Movie of the Week: Harsh Times
"Do you portray a Mexican in this movie?" "Yes" "No, I'm sorry, that's a lie" "Okay, I'm really black" "No, that's a lie as well" "Okay, I'm really Welsh with a bad accent" "Correct."
Being new parents, our trips out of the house have become less frequent and we've become more dependent on finding things to do at home. Add to that the fact that most of the good shows on TV are now on hiatus. So, we decided to sign up for Blockbuster Total Access and start watching more movies - some that we'd probably never consider watching. Enter HARSH TIMES. I'm not posting this review on SC because it's not really going to be a review. And this movie isn't really worthy of a review. What it is worthy of though, is you watching it. I highly suggest grabbing your alcoholic beverage of choice and sitting down with this cinematic gem. While I believe that this movie was intended to be a gripping suspense drama that portrayed the harsh effects that the Iraq and Afghani wars are having on our soldiers that come home, it ended up - to me - being a hilarious buddy comedy! Here's the movie in a nutshell: Christian Bale can't decide if he's white, black, or Mexican, his Mexican friend can't decide if he's Mexican, Black, or White, Eva Longoria is hot, they drive around all day buying and selling drugs and guns and there's never a driving scene where they aren't either drinking beer or getting high. Throw in some hilarious 'yo homey gangsta' dialogue and you've got the best ghetto comedy since 'Friday After Next'.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Guess who's back, once again, Cash is back (kinda), tell a friend....
Oh you didn't know?!?!?
Well Your Ass Better Tell Somebody!!
Ok, so it's not James Earl Cash this time, but they're making it for the Wii! I don't have one, but this game is the first good reason I've seen to own one. Imagine being able to brain someone with a crowbar by swinging your arm repeatedly!!! :D
Well Your Ass Better Tell Somebody!!
Ok, so it's not James Earl Cash this time, but they're making it for the Wii! I don't have one, but this game is the first good reason I've seen to own one. Imagine being able to brain someone with a crowbar by swinging your arm repeatedly!!! :D
Thursday, June 14, 2007
A couple good sites to waste your time with....
I've been sucked into the world of blogs and found a couple sites that are worth sharing:
http://www.consumerist.com/ - an entertaining site that mostly dishes the dirt on companies and calls them out when they do stupid shite.
http://www.lifehacker.com/ - kinda hard to explain everything they cover on this site, but I learn something new every day.
http://pfblogs.org/ - It's an index of several dozen personal finance blogs that updates itself whenever one of those blogs adds a new post. If you want to get your finance shit in gear, go here.
http://www.freakonomics.com/blog/ - If you haven't read Freakonomics, go pick it up. It's a pretty entertaining book. Anyway, this blog is written by the two authors. They cover all kinds of topics and are usually entertaining.
And here's a random picture:
http://www.consumerist.com/ - an entertaining site that mostly dishes the dirt on companies and calls them out when they do stupid shite.
http://www.lifehacker.com/ - kinda hard to explain everything they cover on this site, but I learn something new every day.
http://pfblogs.org/ - It's an index of several dozen personal finance blogs that updates itself whenever one of those blogs adds a new post. If you want to get your finance shit in gear, go here.
http://www.freakonomics.com/blog/ - If you haven't read Freakonomics, go pick it up. It's a pretty entertaining book. Anyway, this blog is written by the two authors. They cover all kinds of topics and are usually entertaining.
And here's a random picture:
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Gettin Older...
I am losing it...
With no Air Conditioning, it is good I have no visitors. This is because when I am at home in summer my outfit usually consists of unchanged boxer shorts and a bbq suace and blood stained wife beater. So while dressing for the day is pretty easy, it is no way to receive company. I recenty realized why as I was passing by a mirror. Then I saw something. Something terrifying.
I have started to develop a paunch. You know, that funny roly poly bump just below your abs but above your junk? For years I have dodged it, hoping I wouldn't have to do any actual
work to appear attractive. It was great. I would look at others and secretly smile inside, knowing that for one more day, I had avoided the roly-poly fate that had beset my brethren.
I used to look at my dad's paunch and, along with his mustache, used to think it made him look ridiculous. (Add 70's fashion on top of that and the only thing I can logically attribute to my existence to is drugs). As a result, I have usually avoided beer and fast food and have invested heavily in Gillette products. But still I end up with one of these things. And honestly, it is like subtracting at least 1 from the length=length + 2 equation.
Anyway, I have to fix this. I don't know how. Will sit ups do it? This thing is below my abs, so I don't know. I may have to call in Billy Blanks and his Fat Fighting Special Forces. It seems my intestines have grown like the Grinches heart on Christmas morning. Even If I stand up straight it's still there.
With no Air Conditioning, it is good I have no visitors. This is because when I am at home in summer my outfit usually consists of unchanged boxer shorts and a bbq suace and blood stained wife beater. So while dressing for the day is pretty easy, it is no way to receive company. I recenty realized why as I was passing by a mirror. Then I saw something. Something terrifying.
I have started to develop a paunch. You know, that funny roly poly bump just below your abs but above your junk? For years I have dodged it, hoping I wouldn't have to do any actual
work to appear attractive. It was great. I would look at others and secretly smile inside, knowing that for one more day, I had avoided the roly-poly fate that had beset my brethren.
I used to look at my dad's paunch and, along with his mustache, used to think it made him look ridiculous. (Add 70's fashion on top of that and the only thing I can logically attribute to my existence to is drugs). As a result, I have usually avoided beer and fast food and have invested heavily in Gillette products. But still I end up with one of these things. And honestly, it is like subtracting at least 1 from the length=length + 2 equation.
Anyway, I have to fix this. I don't know how. Will sit ups do it? This thing is below my abs, so I don't know. I may have to call in Billy Blanks and his Fat Fighting Special Forces. It seems my intestines have grown like the Grinches heart on Christmas morning. Even If I stand up straight it's still there.
Now, I don't have the graphical capabilities of a Ken, but here is some before & after magic, courtesy of MSPAINT.
Comments Welcome....
Friday, June 08, 2007
Its Doomsday!!!!
Some of you may have heard that here in downtown Chicago that the CTA has once again proposed a DOOMSDAY Scenario in case the IL state legislature doesn't come through with $110 Million to fund the system. This includes doubling most fares and generally sticking it to the working man, bringing new meaning to the phrase "CTA: Take It!" that mysteriously disappeared a few years ago.
Anyway, in light of these proposed fare increases, the CTA braintrusts, including new chairman and owner of a rock solid handshake Ron Huberman, decided to have a series of town hall meetings around the city to listen to what the people have to say and to emphasize that they don't want to have to raise fares, but will if they have to. And.....what the hell? One of these meetings is within walking distance of my place! I don't even have to take the bus to get there!
So I went.
I am almost sorry I did.
AS you entered you signed in. They gave each person a color coded card that would determine what order you would speak in. I took mine and sat towards the back, expecting to leave and get dinner before the GREEN CARDS (heh) got to speak at 8:30. Ron Huberman gave a brief presentation then opened the floor to comments. Upon further refelction, he opened the gates of hell.
Have you ever listened to the Gettysburg Address and had a chill run down your spine as it concludes with the part of "government of the people, by the people, for the people" not perishing from the earth? Well, those people must have been a lot less crazy when Lincoln was alive, because I am pretty sure Lincoln didn't intend for the government to be left in the hands of the people who go to CTA meetings.
Most people just stood up and griped about the service or cleanliness, or the general body odor of Bus Drivers. But some people really took the cake, the plate, and the tablecloth. The second dude to speak started rambling about the military industrial complex. He was booed down by a hostile Chicago crowd. "Don't I get three minutes?!?" he asked. "No" yelled the man in front of me. "You're Gone!" I added.
One lady couldn't speak English very well. Her comments consisted of "Washington Deee-Ceee Transport. Boston Transport. San Francisco Transport. Thank You." And in fact most comments were like that...rambling or complaining and completely without a point whatsoever. It was infuriating. I had shown up miffed about the possibility of fares increasing, and as the meeting went on I just got mad at the people who had shown up. Including the guy who spoke before I did--who looked like a mountain man, wouldn't cede the microphone, then wondered why noone listened to him.
Now it was my turn. I was pretty nervous. I thanked the board for coming out to listen to the People. I got some applause. Then I turned on the crowd. I told them board wouldn't listen to their rambling unless they had a specific point and wouldn't clean up the pee in the Subway--deal with it. Finally, I said that asking for money every year wsa just putting a band aid on a massive $110 Million head wound. A Band Aid wouldn't cut it. We need to do something to fix the wound, then make sure it doensn't happen next year. Well, the blind people still applauded for me. Then I went to Burger King.
Anyway, in light of these proposed fare increases, the CTA braintrusts, including new chairman and owner of a rock solid handshake Ron Huberman, decided to have a series of town hall meetings around the city to listen to what the people have to say and to emphasize that they don't want to have to raise fares, but will if they have to. And.....what the hell? One of these meetings is within walking distance of my place! I don't even have to take the bus to get there!
So I went.
I am almost sorry I did.
AS you entered you signed in. They gave each person a color coded card that would determine what order you would speak in. I took mine and sat towards the back, expecting to leave and get dinner before the GREEN CARDS (heh) got to speak at 8:30. Ron Huberman gave a brief presentation then opened the floor to comments. Upon further refelction, he opened the gates of hell.
Have you ever listened to the Gettysburg Address and had a chill run down your spine as it concludes with the part of "government of the people, by the people, for the people" not perishing from the earth? Well, those people must have been a lot less crazy when Lincoln was alive, because I am pretty sure Lincoln didn't intend for the government to be left in the hands of the people who go to CTA meetings.
Most people just stood up and griped about the service or cleanliness, or the general body odor of Bus Drivers. But some people really took the cake, the plate, and the tablecloth. The second dude to speak started rambling about the military industrial complex. He was booed down by a hostile Chicago crowd. "Don't I get three minutes?!?" he asked. "No" yelled the man in front of me. "You're Gone!" I added.
One lady couldn't speak English very well. Her comments consisted of "Washington Deee-Ceee Transport. Boston Transport. San Francisco Transport. Thank You." And in fact most comments were like that...rambling or complaining and completely without a point whatsoever. It was infuriating. I had shown up miffed about the possibility of fares increasing, and as the meeting went on I just got mad at the people who had shown up. Including the guy who spoke before I did--who looked like a mountain man, wouldn't cede the microphone, then wondered why noone listened to him.
Now it was my turn. I was pretty nervous. I thanked the board for coming out to listen to the People. I got some applause. Then I turned on the crowd. I told them board wouldn't listen to their rambling unless they had a specific point and wouldn't clean up the pee in the Subway--deal with it. Finally, I said that asking for money every year wsa just putting a band aid on a massive $110 Million head wound. A Band Aid wouldn't cut it. We need to do something to fix the wound, then make sure it doensn't happen next year. Well, the blind people still applauded for me. Then I went to Burger King.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Underground No More
Shit, you miss a month, you miss a lot.
First, let me get some stuff out of the way:
1. Ken I am happy your daughter is doing well. I can't wait to see her. I hope she looks like her mother, though.
2. Dan- You Graduated! Good for you! Unfortunately, my sister had a baby, and lost her shape. That is unless she is reading this board. In which case I mean her shape improved.
3. Kevin- Keep maintaining. See you at the CC show.
4. M.I.L.O.?
Allright- now where have I been? Well, I used to spend a lot of time posting after work at a Major Metropolitan Newspaper...Ok it was the Chicago Tribune. I don't want to rant about how terrible working there was, but mangement was sick of me and I was sick of them. The day after that job ended I was offered another job that pays about twice as much as I was getting at the trib. So I landed on my feet. Hopefully, my computer there will be set up soon and I can begin to post more regularly again.
First, let me get some stuff out of the way:
1. Ken I am happy your daughter is doing well. I can't wait to see her. I hope she looks like her mother, though.
2. Dan- You Graduated! Good for you! Unfortunately, my sister had a baby, and lost her shape. That is unless she is reading this board. In which case I mean her shape improved.
3. Kevin- Keep maintaining. See you at the CC show.
4. M.I.L.O.?
Allright- now where have I been? Well, I used to spend a lot of time posting after work at a Major Metropolitan Newspaper...Ok it was the Chicago Tribune. I don't want to rant about how terrible working there was, but mangement was sick of me and I was sick of them. The day after that job ended I was offered another job that pays about twice as much as I was getting at the trib. So I landed on my feet. Hopefully, my computer there will be set up soon and I can begin to post more regularly again.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
New Manager On Duty: Fat Spiderman
Don Imus is out like a fat kid in dodgeball.
Ctrl+R if you don't see Fat Spidey.
Ctrl+R if you don't see Fat Spidey.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Wrap up of Dan's final undergraduate college experience:
And the Rod of Ruin AWARD of EXCELLENCE for MOST BORING CLASS GOES TO:
Auditing, although I never attended it enough to know if the classes I missed were also boring.
Honorable mention: International Business
for FUNNIEST MOMENT IN CLASS GOES TO:
The weird kid next to me in my meteorology class who in the middle of a test said to me, "this is a good test".
Honorable mention: my horse is a secret horse
for MOST DIFFICULT CLASS TO PASS GOES TO:
Financial Reporting II, which one person I knew took 3 times to pass.
Honorable mention: Financial Reporting I and III
for HOTTEST GIRL ON CAMPUS GOES TO:
A girl named Megan from Carmel, Indiana. She was a brunette and although short undoubtedly hot.
Honorable mention: Maria R., The Alpha Delta Pi sorority, and Josh's sister
for WORST MOMENT IN A CLASSROOM SETTING GOES TO:
Daphne who during our presentation in taxation decided she didn't want to talk which made for an uncomfortably long pause. What a whore.
Honorable mention: Any time I was called on because I am old.
for STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE TO CLASS GOES TO:
Rod of Ruin for saying there was an accident outside of Del Taco.
Honorable mention: for never attending class at Bradley
for the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT WITH A GIRL GOES TO:
The girl who worked the register in the cafeteria who was surprised I was married and inferred she wanted some poontang.
Honorable mention: all the other times girls were surprised I was married.
MY HORSE IS A SECRET HORSE BLAU.
Auditing, although I never attended it enough to know if the classes I missed were also boring.
Honorable mention: International Business
for FUNNIEST MOMENT IN CLASS GOES TO:
The weird kid next to me in my meteorology class who in the middle of a test said to me, "this is a good test".
Honorable mention: my horse is a secret horse
for MOST DIFFICULT CLASS TO PASS GOES TO:
Financial Reporting II, which one person I knew took 3 times to pass.
Honorable mention: Financial Reporting I and III
for HOTTEST GIRL ON CAMPUS GOES TO:
A girl named Megan from Carmel, Indiana. She was a brunette and although short undoubtedly hot.
Honorable mention: Maria R., The Alpha Delta Pi sorority, and Josh's sister
for WORST MOMENT IN A CLASSROOM SETTING GOES TO:
Daphne who during our presentation in taxation decided she didn't want to talk which made for an uncomfortably long pause. What a whore.
Honorable mention: Any time I was called on because I am old.
for STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE TO CLASS GOES TO:
Rod of Ruin for saying there was an accident outside of Del Taco.
Honorable mention: for never attending class at Bradley
for the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT WITH A GIRL GOES TO:
The girl who worked the register in the cafeteria who was surprised I was married and inferred she wanted some poontang.
Honorable mention: all the other times girls were surprised I was married.
MY HORSE IS A SECRET HORSE BLAU.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Oh boy ...
I was doing some research at work for the gift shop and check out "Jocko" the jockey, he's the second one down ... anyone see a possible problem with that guy?
http://www.lawnjockey.com/
Oh, and scroll all the way down to the bottom ... I can barely contain myself ... wow ... I mean ... wow.
http://www.lawnjockey.com/
Oh, and scroll all the way down to the bottom ... I can barely contain myself ... wow ... I mean ... wow.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Great shirts....
If you've never visited Shirt*A*Day before, be sure to check it out. Every day they throw up a new shirt to buy. I thought today's was pretty good:
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
The Best of Year 2
YOU ALL BOUGHT IT!!! I was assembling a "Best-of-Year-2" post ALL ALONG!! Which means I threw it together in sections while I was either eating dinner or up at 2am... and as I bathed in the memories of BY07 (Blog Year 07), I determined the following posts have brought the most glory to Diablo:
Fun with Google - Fun with Comments!
New Post - Business briefings, UHS style.
More digging in the archives reveals: - Notes from the Internet Wayback Machine days.
It's Out of Control!!! - The state of women's sunglasses, and possible post tampering??
SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes... - Shock and awe... the Pallate Jack novella, my favorite Year 2 post. Josh ties it up with a twist ending that manages to be equal parts hilarious and awful.
Name Dan's Football Team - Anything where we think up lists of names is automatically good.
I've got something for Dave Navarro - It took Josh three days straight of eating a balanced breakfast to pry this gem loose from his soul.
Finally... - Sometimes the simplest posts are the best. That's not the case here, but sometimes they are.
Ask the General - General Anacock tells you what to do and shows you how to live. Bow down when he comes to your town!
I'd also like to nominate Ken's short film "Wish It Was Friday" for Year 2 Best Picture. I'd write more, but it's time to poop. Enjoy with amore!
Fun with Google - Fun with Comments!
New Post - Business briefings, UHS style.
More digging in the archives reveals: - Notes from the Internet Wayback Machine days.
It's Out of Control!!! - The state of women's sunglasses, and possible post tampering??
SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes... - Shock and awe... the Pallate Jack novella, my favorite Year 2 post. Josh ties it up with a twist ending that manages to be equal parts hilarious and awful.
Name Dan's Football Team - Anything where we think up lists of names is automatically good.
I've got something for Dave Navarro - It took Josh three days straight of eating a balanced breakfast to pry this gem loose from his soul.
Finally... - Sometimes the simplest posts are the best. That's not the case here, but sometimes they are.
Ask the General - General Anacock tells you what to do and shows you how to live. Bow down when he comes to your town!
I'd also like to nominate Ken's short film "Wish It Was Friday" for Year 2 Best Picture. I'd write more, but it's time to poop. Enjoy with amore!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Do you guys want to go to my graduation?
Seeing as most of you graduated, well whenever it was 10 years ago I thought maybe you'd want to come down on the 19th and watch me walk for the first time since I graduated highschool in 1995.
Ken, congratulations on your kid. I'm sorry it was a girl and I hope the wife didn't get too big. My wife wants a kid bad. Can she have yours? No seriously thats awesome. A little Kennibble. Do you mind if I refer to you as 'kenny' from southpark? So Kevin and I can call you poor and make fun of you? Seriously though, congrats on the family. I hope you are getting sleep.
And to my dear friend Kevin, I miss you. My cellphone broke two months ago and I lost your number. And Ken's. And Ian's. I lost everyones number. But I imagine you are still gainfully employed doing whatever it is you do on those lonely, cold Amsterdam nights.
And to Josh. My first and only one of two college roommates. You make up 50% of what it was like to live with me in college. The other troll Kroll was a choad. I didn't know what I had, till it was goooonnnnee. May your hot sister remain hot in my mind forever.
And to Ian. What can I say. You travel the lengths of the earth to see your friends, and those dipshits in Chicago won't even visit me when I drive halfway to Peoria. We could all learn a lesson from you, like how not to pee for days at a time.
And to M.I.L.O. You were weird. You were great. You had long hair. You reminded me a lot of the dude from X-files who was really smart. I have nothing more to say.
And to H.O.G. Our second acronym friend. You hated my mustang even though I didn't really like cars or care that you cared so much. You often talked of Mopars and Hemis while Ken fantasized about his roommate. You impressed the gods with your mullet and would scare small children with a look. You don't know this but, when I first met you I hid in the closet for days. Now I have you to thank for sex photos. And an occasional phi sig.
And with a whimper I study for my finals.
Ken, congratulations on your kid. I'm sorry it was a girl and I hope the wife didn't get too big. My wife wants a kid bad. Can she have yours? No seriously thats awesome. A little Kennibble. Do you mind if I refer to you as 'kenny' from southpark? So Kevin and I can call you poor and make fun of you? Seriously though, congrats on the family. I hope you are getting sleep.
And to my dear friend Kevin, I miss you. My cellphone broke two months ago and I lost your number. And Ken's. And Ian's. I lost everyones number. But I imagine you are still gainfully employed doing whatever it is you do on those lonely, cold Amsterdam nights.
And to Josh. My first and only one of two college roommates. You make up 50% of what it was like to live with me in college. The other troll Kroll was a choad. I didn't know what I had, till it was goooonnnnee. May your hot sister remain hot in my mind forever.
And to Ian. What can I say. You travel the lengths of the earth to see your friends, and those dipshits in Chicago won't even visit me when I drive halfway to Peoria. We could all learn a lesson from you, like how not to pee for days at a time.
And to M.I.L.O. You were weird. You were great. You had long hair. You reminded me a lot of the dude from X-files who was really smart. I have nothing more to say.
And to H.O.G. Our second acronym friend. You hated my mustang even though I didn't really like cars or care that you cared so much. You often talked of Mopars and Hemis while Ken fantasized about his roommate. You impressed the gods with your mullet and would scare small children with a look. You don't know this but, when I first met you I hid in the closet for days. Now I have you to thank for sex photos. And an occasional phi sig.
And with a whimper I study for my finals.
Friday, May 04, 2007
I webbed you....that means you get the apartment!
As much as I hate Comcast, I can't help but laugh every time I see this commercial. It's just the subtlety of the thing that gets me...
Linky
Linky
Year 2 post statistics
The post that's right now all up in your grill contains the summation of all that was in Underground G.I. Joe Fort: Year 2. Down but not out, we saw nearly 2/3 less activity than in our Freshman year here - 113 posts vs. 300 posts. Regrettably, we did not make 300 posts this year so you'll all have to do without a timely reference to the glory of Sparta. Here's how it happened:
General AnaKen: 34 posts (30%)
Hungry Hank: 34 posts (30%)
Powers Urge: 28 posts (25%)
Full Force: 12 posts (10.6%)
Rodo: 5 posts (4.4%)
...which is basically the same way these numbers looked last year, except that I now realize Josh has a pretty awesome alternate name if you just move the space over. Anyway, here's to the start of a splendid Junior year... could it mean the return of Dan (to the blog)?? Will Hell at the Bell FINALLY happen!?? Will I post a "Best Of Year 2" entry in the near future??? Probably not, but tune in anyway!
General AnaKen: 34 posts (30%)
Hungry Hank: 34 posts (30%)
Powers Urge: 28 posts (25%)
Full Force: 12 posts (10.6%)
Rodo: 5 posts (4.4%)
...which is basically the same way these numbers looked last year, except that I now realize Josh has a pretty awesome alternate name if you just move the space over. Anyway, here's to the start of a splendid Junior year... could it mean the return of Dan (to the blog)?? Will Hell at the Bell FINALLY happen!?? Will I post a "Best Of Year 2" entry in the near future??? Probably not, but tune in anyway!
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Joys of Parenthood
For those that may not know, I became a daddy on April 15th. (hence my absence) Sofia Margaret Lombard, 7lbs 2oz, 18.5 inches long.
I've been spending the past two weeks at home deprived of sleep any cleaning up various baby secretions! But I have to say, it's good to know my bait and tackle works. ;)
Now, I feel compelled to warn and educate you all in advance, should you choose (or accidentally) become a parent. If so, you can look forward to this:
"WANT SOME MUSTARD?!?" (Sorry, I have to post this since all I could think about was that quote...)
This is most likely NOT safe for work! So browse at your own peril!
Enjoy. :D
For more tasteful pictures, see : http://www.lombardclan.org
Monday, April 16, 2007
Happy Birthday, Kevin!
Welcome to the third decade of your life!
I went to YouTube to find something funny and this was the first thing that made me laugh ... though it has nothing to do with birthdays ... or being 30 ... or people named Kevin ... but it's funny!
PROBABLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK
I went to YouTube to find something funny and this was the first thing that made me laugh ... though it has nothing to do with birthdays ... or being 30 ... or people named Kevin ... but it's funny!
PROBABLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK
Saturday, April 14, 2007
It's the Simple Things
Sure, it looks staged but this was made funnier as this was the first comment I saw about this YouTube post:
"What was she thinking? Leaving the kitchen like that."
Click Here
Also, this video from Will Ferrell and his own 4 year old daughter is pretty funny.
"What was she thinking? Leaving the kitchen like that."
Click Here
Also, this video from Will Ferrell and his own 4 year old daughter is pretty funny.
Friday, April 13, 2007
No Retreat, The Condemned!
Interesting. I think many of us will recall always laughing at Jean Claude's character in NRNS being billed as 'Ivan, The Russian'. Well, in that fine tradition I ask that you peek at this website to see the character billing for Stone Cold's new crapfest. It's eerily similar.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
Happy Birthday Ian!
In addition to being a great friend and a responsible driver, he has delighted men of all faiths with his film reviews and fathered thousands across his homeland. Two words... you know 'em, I know 'em... Hungry Hank. As such, appropriate birthday wishes can only be made with the help of a little divine intervention!! Happy Birthday!!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
It's Baaaacck!
The Sobering Conclusion lives!
The site has been moved to www.soberingconclusion.com
Learn it, live it, love it!
One thing I do need to know from all of you is what screenname you would want as I do occassionally get reviews from you guys. Right now, I've gone with PowerSurgeon, Full Force & Blumeany . (Dan, if you wanted to write up something, let me know).
Anywho, the site is still under construction and much tweaking will be done over the next few weeks but if you want to see what I've been up to ... click the link above.
Probably the biggest downside so far is that all of the great comments you guys made didn't transfer over. But feel free to make new ones and to let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see.
Polls are already in the works, so don't worry about that. And I've adjusted the link on this blog to go to the new site.
The site has been moved to www.soberingconclusion.com
Learn it, live it, love it!
One thing I do need to know from all of you is what screenname you would want as I do occassionally get reviews from you guys. Right now, I've gone with PowerSurgeon, Full Force & Blumeany . (Dan, if you wanted to write up something, let me know).
Anywho, the site is still under construction and much tweaking will be done over the next few weeks but if you want to see what I've been up to ... click the link above.
Probably the biggest downside so far is that all of the great comments you guys made didn't transfer over. But feel free to make new ones and to let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see.
Polls are already in the works, so don't worry about that. And I've adjusted the link on this blog to go to the new site.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
In case you missed this ...
I guess dating Ryan Reynolds rubbed off a little comedy on Alanis. This parody of the Black Eyed Peas is pretty good. Check it out if you haven't already.
Lovely Lady Lumps
Lovely Lady Lumps
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Check This Out
This is one of the weirdest f'n sites you'll ever see. Just play around with all the different selections. I laughed my ass off.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Where have I been...
1. Vacationing in Guantanamo Bay.
2. Collecting Souls.
3. Crushing Puppies.
4. Rocking Out With Pacman Jones.
5. Licking Alec Baldwins' Chin.
6. Staring at Tina Fey's weird face scar.
7. Waiting for Dan's hilarious post he's working on.
8. Mocking the homeless.
9. Pooping in your cereal.
10. Laughing at you eating said poop, grimacing, eating more.
2. Collecting Souls.
3. Crushing Puppies.
4. Rocking Out With Pacman Jones.
5. Licking Alec Baldwins' Chin.
6. Staring at Tina Fey's weird face scar.
7. Waiting for Dan's hilarious post he's working on.
8. Mocking the homeless.
9. Pooping in your cereal.
10. Laughing at you eating said poop, grimacing, eating more.
Monday, March 12, 2007
I know they're in dumb locations
But if you can swing it, use those landmark passes to see "God Grew Tired Of Us". I put up the review but simply put, it's a must see recommendation. Gonna be hard to beat this for documentary of the year ... or if it's too tough to get to, just add it to your netflix queues.
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