HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN!!!!!!!!

HAVE A GOOD ONE! YOU'RE MISSING ALL THE SNOW.

Guitar Hero's that you'd never want to see hit the shelves.

Guitar Hero: Tears for Fears


Guitar Hero: Foreigner


Guitar Hero: Daughtry

ExtraFries.com

As I was going through the archives of digital material I've hoarded throughout the years, I came across some scraps of content for ExtraFries.com, an idea for a website that Ken and I kicked around after we graduated. There was no real plan for the site, just sort of whatever BS we felt like uploading. The name was based off this picture that someone found somewhere:





The only feature we did decide on was "Hump Day", a comic strip that would run every Wednesday. Based on his pedigree of quality notebook sketches and dry-erase board drawings, Ken was commissioned to write it.
CLICK HERE to see the first ever (and so far, only ever) installment!


Well, technically the site has now been launched, since all planned content has been published within this post. Be sure to bookmark this URL and add your congratulations via the comments! Stay tuned for an update around October 2017!

Another Fallen Wrestler

16 March 2009 6:35 PM, PDT

U.S. wrestler Andrew Martin has been found dead at his Tampa, Florida home.

The 33-year-old tough guy, who fought under the name Test in the World Wrestling Entertainment spectaculars, was pronounced dead on Friday night.

The cause of death has not been released, but local authorities have ruled out foul play.

A neighbour alerted police after seeing Martin lying motionless on the floor of his apartment through a window.

Martin had past problems with substance abuse - at one point WWE officials paid for a rehab stint, even though the wrestler was not part of the organisation at the time.

He was arrested on a drink driving charge in 2008.

The Canadian dated wrestler-turned-reality TV star Stacy Kiebler.

IMPROV STAR

Hey, dude! Did you miss my improv show? Or did you catch it and now want to relive the motherfuckin' magic? Well, no biggie, you can check me out on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egJGdSzaP48
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD_ANwVdCBU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD_ANwVdCBU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Plg7OMYpe64
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbbKq3X4qpA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHOcEeoJDmA

Sorry, it's SFW. Not a single nipple.

Happy 32nd, Ken!

From all your friends across the years!!

His Name is Bruce, Dammit!

So with the movie now on DVD/Blu-Ray (I just ordered the Blu-Ray), Dark Horse has a promotion item I think all of us will want to have in our homes ... check the LINK ... and you're welcome.

OUTWORLD COMPLETES MERGER WITH BUSINESS WORLD

Our Current Economy

Outworld- Emperor and newly named Supreme CEO Shao Khan last night addressed the nation regarding the recently completed merger between his realm of Outworld and our business world.

"Business people of Earth" he declared while sitting on a throne consisting of the skulls of each of the most recent Fortune 500 companies CEOs, "I stand before you tonight triumphant. The joining of Outworld and the Business world has been completed, and the spirits of your companies have been absorbed by Sorceror and chief lawyer Shang Tsung. Now when you look out upon the vast wasteland that is your economy, and gaze at the newly formed oceans of unemployment, you will all tremble in fear before the power of your new Supreme Chief Executive Officer, Shao Khan!"

Some economists are puzzled by this merger, but said it was not entirely unexpected. "Well, we really shouldn't be surprised by this development," says University of Shoacago econonomist Bill Enright. "I mean, everybody knows most corporations are completely soulless. Now we know why."

But although the merger has gone through, there remain those determined to fight against it, including new president Barack Obama. "Well, I warned as recently as last week that this economic chaos could become catastrophe. I was right. But I will not stand idly by and allow this to happen." Obama then unveiled his new economic team consisting of Former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker, business mogul Warren Buffet, and the legendary kung fu master and accountant Liu Kang.

Obama then challenged Shao Khan to Mortal Kombat.

THE WHEN WILL KEVIN SUBMIT TO FACEBOOK COUNTDOWN!

YES KEVIN, THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN JOSH IS ON FACEBOOK NOW. THAT MEANS YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE LEFT. CONCEDE! CONCEDE NOW DAMMIT!!! YOU WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BE MY FACEBOOK FRIEND!

TELL JOSH! 2.3.09

This time you're not asking the questions, you're giving the answers! Write suggestions, provide directions, and generally order Josh to do things. Josh, feel free to post on this too.

So I was checking the weather ...

It appears there's a bit of a coldsnap hitting the country and I just wanted to make sure you all knew I was okay. I'm doing my best to stay warm by eating lunch outside in the sun because the heater in the building isn't being used. And just the other day, I made sure to keep a jacket in the back of my car in case a cold breeze picked up and I wasn't anywhere near my apartment.

So, please stop worrying. I'm going to get through this dip in the mercury and I'll be a stronger person because of it.

This message brought to you by the temperature 74 and the term Sunny ... which coincidentally is the description of where I am right now.

ASK JOSH! 1.6.09

Dear Josh, I just bought an Xbox 360 with my Christmas money. What is the first thing I should do with it? - Joey Jagnuts

The difference is shitty advertising

I wish UHS had some titles ready for launch right now so that we could parody the "drinkability" ad campaign that Budweiser is forcing us to endure every 18 seconds until after the Super Bowl. Since their beers are apparently different because they're "drinkable" (more on this in a second), we could claim that that our games' difference is "playability", which other games just don't have. It'd be like the time Sega advertised that their games were better than Nintendo's because the Genesis hardware supported "blast processing", which made games like Sonic possible... except without the lying, since "blast processing" was something they just made up.

Anyway, while the assorted douchecakes that inhabit each Bud commercial are happy to reassure each other that their beer is clearly superior to any other since it has achieved "drinkability", their explanation of this mystical concept basically turns out to mean that it's "refreshing and tastes good"... which is fine except for that the fact that this is COMPLETELY based on opinion, automatically disqualifying it a basis for any objective comparison.

So although the term isn't technically made up, it's used completely outside the literal context ("suitable for drinking"), which makes it wrong, and it's totally subjective, which makes it bullshit. Besides, who the fuck has conversations like these? Where you're hanging out with your friends and asking each other just what it is that makes your refreshments so gosh darn great?

"hey Ken, these burgers are pretty good"
"well Josh, that my friend is grillability - here, let me draw you this stupid-ass diagram"

I hate advertising.

Just a few links ...

Hey there ... sorry I've been off the boards ... end of the year movie stuff ... I think I'll have seen 15 movies in the last week and a half ... oi ... anywho, these two videos amused me and I thought I'd share ...

Video 1

Video 2

Have fun at Santa Crawl and chug one for me ...

Hasta

6 Days!....................

UNTIL SANTA CRAWL 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our Challenge Awaits

Click the title for more.

I am Betting on the LIONS

Well, not really "betting". But I can see them winning their game against Tennessee tomorrow.

Seriously, it's the perfect setup for an upset. The Almost Zero Loss team vs. the Zero Win team. The Zero win team's city is shit and recently it's city's economy has turned to shit. Their football team is total shit, too. Now they are being put on National TV, and playing to maintain their credibility as men. I'd watch out if I was Tennessee. This is too storybook.

Sorry...I Fucked Up!!

I am no HTML Whiz Kid...maybe YOU can reformat the above picture?

No?

Well Fuck you then!


Just Kidding, I just wanted to share this picture I found. Hopefully the site author I stole it from doesn't change the picture to a drunk guy with a penis next to his mouth.

Happy Thanksgiving!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING Y'ALL!

I went to Flickr and searched on 'Thanksgiving Drunk' and this was one of the more interesting results. Anyway, hope you guys have a safe and tasty Thanksgiving.

And now, Turducken:

40's Week? Anybody Remember this?

Hmmm...I dated a girl on the CC Team and I don't seem to remember this tradition.

UHS Game Idea

In the spirit of Guitar Hero comes....


GUITAR HOBO!!!

Play in the deepest, dankest subway stops across America and Eastern Europe. Move up to such posh areas as 'Outside U.S. Cellular Field'. Strive for the position of SUPERHOBO and play in an alley outside of the site of the Super Bowl!!!

Heart Attack Grill

If the Texas Road House wasn't enough for you, well, there's always this place.

Not immediately SFW since a music player automatically loads on the main page, and some co-worker types may not enjoy the pics of hot waitresses as much as you will.

God Bless JCVD

Here's a quote I read on IMDb today from the illustrious Muscles from Brussels ...

"I love animals. I have nine dogs and a kitty. My biggest orgasm - not in a sexual way - is to walk with my dogs on the beach. In Belgium we have these wide sidewalks. You feel like you're on the Planet Moon, and I can make them feel like movie stars."

Just thought I'd share a fun quote ...

Voting Day Live Results

These widgets will supposedly show live election results once their times countdown as enough votes are counted to show anything substantial ... I included a national, illinois and california widget. Sorry Dan, Missouri didn't "show me" any reason to include it. :)


UPDATE: I pulled the widgets after the race was called. Mostly because I got sick of watching the Google one just spin, spin, spin...
-Full Force

I wanted to vote early but.....

Josh Jones still hasn't come out with his official endorsement of a Presidential Candidate yet...

CHOCOLATE SHIT STAIN!

Eat shit and die.

I'm a CPA now. I'll get around to posting just as soon as my work stops making my back feel like a truck drove over it, every morning.

More later.

Nice pic kev. I'd prefer ALTERED BEAST or ALL TURD BEAST but whatever that is, it is GOOD.

Playin' it cool

Note the exotic zebra pattern. Ken, do you still have this CD somewhere???

Screw You, Cubs.

Well, the Cubs let me down again. At least they got it over with quick and didn't tease us like 2003. I would be disappointed, maybe even angry, but it's the friggin' Cubs--what could one expect? So I have decided to renounce my membership in the Cubs fan club and announce that I am coming out of the closet….AS A CHICAGO WHITE SOX FAN!

Look, I wanted to Cubs to win. Bad. The Cubs have two big things going for them: the rustic Wrigley Field, and a history filled with futility. Because of their 100+ postseason funk even a trip to World Series would mean that even the losingest of lovable losers gets to taste triumph at least once--it would be a great story of triumph and redemption.

Unfortunately the problem with that formula is that after 100 attempts the Cubs aren't lovable losers. They are just losers. And I am tired of buying into it.

Seriously, think about something you have never done before, like sew a button on a shirt or juggle some beanbags. Chances are if you try this activity 100 times, by attempt 100 you would have gotten it correct at least once. To not do so would make you--and I apologize for the political incorrectness--a retard. And that's the Cubs--a bunch of retards.

Now let's look at the White Sox. They don't have either of those things going for them. Their ballpark is mediocre at best, and although they had a rough patch, they won it all a couple of years ago. But I think they have other things that I respect more than a classic field and a great story: they have heart. They play above their level. Their manager is batshit crazy, and all the players are likable. Seriously, how could a person root against Jim Thome? They scrap and claw for every run and every out and every victory, so when they lose, you are sad, but you know they tried.

This year's Cubs team won more games than any other team in the NL. After getting swept last year, they were supposed to contend, but instead they went out and shit on the diamond three times. They played like they couldn't wait to stop swinging bats so they could start swinging golf clubs. They didn't even try.

This years Sox team wasn't even supposed to contend. But they fought to the end, and as of this writing are still in it. They fought and won three games in a row against division rivals, including an additional play-in game against the rival Minnesota Twins. They never quit until the other team has put up 27 outs against them.

So I hope the Cubs get some heart, and if they do and they contend next year I'll be happy for them. I'll jump on the bandwagon. But until then, I am going to root for the White Sox.

PS- Here is my theory as to why the Cubs will NEVER win the World Series: Wrigley Field. It is a relic. Because of Wrigley and its location, most of the Cubs games have to be day games. Unfortunately, once a team gets to the postseason, there are no day games--they are all night games because of TV. And I think this has a big effect. An October night in Chicago is a lot different than a September day. So you see, just to get to the postseason, the Cubs have to be built to win in summer heat. And a team built to win in heat is not going to deal well with playing in an autumn chill. Don't believe me? Consider that the White Sox can play night games whenever they want, because they don't have to cater to a yuppie neighborhood--they are surrounded by a parking lot. And what piece of hardware did the Sox pick up in 2005?

How times have changed people

Sadly, I think this would be true ... even though The Onion technically doesn't do "real" news.

MIKE TERRY--LIVE IN CHICAGO

You may have seen improv comedy, but you've never seen improv comedy as shitty as this.

That's right, my Second City class finally gets to take the stage for the first time-Sunday October 12 at Noon at you guessed it--the Second City ???? North Wells In Chicago. (You have an internet location, look up the address). You can be there to say "I was there when dude did his first show." Or you can shun and shame me as if I were your first wife. RSVP by telling me to go fuck myself in the comments below.

NAME THE NEW CORPORATE OVERLORD

Well, we done fucked up. A generation of American children raised on using cheat codes to complete their favorite paramilitary side scrolling Nintendo games realizes that they can't blow on the cartridge of the economy hard enough to make it work. At this point we've done everything but unplug the unit and the screen is still frozen as our characters are in mid-jump. Not even jamming on the reset button works…banks are failing at a rate of 1 per day, and merging into each other. Eventually, every bank will be merged into one, all encompassing banking behemoth, which be tamed by the lash of government oversight. I was wondering what we could call this financial juggernaut, but it seems all the good names are taken--'Unibank', 'Megabank', even the ominous and eponimous 'The Bank' (Just do a google search to verify, all the names are taken). So what would you call this all encompassing banking giant? Because soon we are gonna need a name that is ominous and poweful...

Suggestions welcome!

STEAK SWALLOWER!!!

Home of the 72 oz (4.5 lb) Steak! If you eat the entire meal (Including a bread roll with butter, potato, ranch beans, shrimp cocktail, and salad) in under an hour, it's free!

If you can't, it's $72.

At about 4,500 calories with all the trimmings, it represents around twice the daily calorie intake of the average American.

Feeling Collegiate, Ken? (Cue Rocky Music...)

LOL Google Chrome

Not sure if you guys have seen or messed around with Google Chrome - Google's new web browser - yet, but anyway, as part of the launch they created a long comic strip explaining what Chrome is and how it worked. Well, the posters at Gizmodo.com got a hold of it and worked their Photoshop magic. The result is HERE. Takes a little while to go through them all, but I think you'll all have a chuckle or two.

Happy (belated) Birthday Mr. Jones!!!!

This is belated because I was thinking you were the 5th - but then I checked my calendar and saw it was the 3rd. Anyway, hope you had a good birthday, and maybe I'll meet up with you this weekend for a drink. For now, enjoy this:\

James Hetfield is an Asshole

Sorry, James. I had to call you on it.

Cliff would be really disappointed in you, man.

YOUR GUIDE TO HOT POST APOCALYPTIC CAREERS!

I was recently gifted with a DVD copy of “Doomsday.”

Doomsday is the worst piece of garbage that has ever been committed to film. I would give it a bag a hammers, but at least you can use a hammer for something. It was so bad that I got up and walked out- and I was watching it at my apartment. As I fumed about wasting my time with this film I was determined that something good come out of this. Well, since Doomsday is a film that shamelessly plagiarizes from every other post apocalyptic film ever made (and some other films as well), it is the perfect vehicle to showcase

YOUR GUIDE TO HOT POST APOCALYPTIC CAREERS


We all know the stuff is going to hit the fan. Be it through War, Famine, or Plague Mother Earth is going to find a way to dwindle humanity’s numbers. But what if you are one of the lucky survivors? Do you think anyone is going to care that you can balance a checkbook or program an iPhone to do your laundry? Wrong move, fuckface. The following are the meek who will inherit the charred and stinking remains of earth, so get on board with these growing post apocalyptic careers!

1. Welder – Yup, welders. You wouldn’t think welders could be more in demand than they are right now. You would be wrong. Showers of sparks are the backbone of the grim industrial tone that permeates any post apocalyptic neighborhood. Showers of sparks that only be provided by your local welders union.

2. Tattoo Artists- Well, you just survived living in a bunker for 3 months waiting for the radiation to reach a tolerable level or for the virus to kill off all its hosts. The next step isn’t searching for supplies or restoring basic utilities. No way—it’s getting inked up, motherfucker. Because when humans start to rebuild, the Leadership Hierarchy will be determined by the quantity of ink lodged in your dermis. (On a side note, I find it funny to see how immaculately groomed this person is...for being some broad who is supposed to be tough as nails she obviously spent a long time at her hairdresser and manicurist).

3. Motorcycle Repair – By definition, every society post apocalypse has to have some crazy motorcyclists to harass intruders, jump stuff, and then wipe out in spectacular fashion. It seems to me that in reality most motorcyclists are pretty tough, while in the movies they are pantywaists who do nothing but get their asses kicked. Seriously, in the post apocalyptic world the motorcycle cavalry would lose to Glass Joe. It’s a good thing riders are retards and motorcycles don’t fix themselves. So, if you are well versed in motorcycle repair, you will never want for work.

4. Retarded Hairstylist- Uh oh! You got caught in the explosion, irradiated, and/or eaten by the plague. Now your IQ has been reduced by 75%. What service could you possibly provide to secure your place in the developing new economy? Well, you could cut hair. People don’t seem to be that particular in the future. Based on this picture, you caould also probably make some decent bucks selling mascara.

5. Cockroaches. Fuck you Neil Marshall.

Welcome To Your Doom

Freakonomics- Where Brock Lesnar answers My Question

LINK IN TITLE

I like to read the Freakonomics blog, and have been doing so ever since it was praised by another poster to this site. Often this site will approach minor celebrities and have normal internet surfers like you or me ask them questions, which they will then answer. Recently they approached the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. I decided to ask him a question and surprisingly he DID answer it.

Try to guess which question I asked. I'll let you know soon. And don't try looking at the original post because I intentionally used a fake name. Suck it.

Hey! Metallica is still around!

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Metallica will release its first album in five years worldwide on Friday, September 12, the second time the rock band has broken with the industry's custom of a Monday or Tuesday street date.

A posting on Metallica's Web site, entitled "The Last Piece of the Puzzle," did not give a reason for the unusual release date for "Death Magnetic."

Albums are usually released on a Tuesday in the North America, where Metallica is signed to Warner Music, and a day earlier everywhere else. Universal handles the band internationally.

In a last-minute move Metallica's previous album, the commercial disappointment "St. Anger," was released a few days earlier than planned, ostensibly to combat piracy.

On Friday, Metallica shot a video near Los Angeles for first single "The Day That Never Comes." It was directed by drummer Lars Ulrich's Danish compatriot Thomas Vinterberg.

Metallica will be back on stage Saturday at Ozzfest in Dallas. At that gig, guitarist Kirk Hammett will join Slayer's Kerry King, Alice In Chains' Jerry Cantrell and Anthrax's Scott Ian in a tribute to late Pantera guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott, who was murdered on stage in Columbus, Ohio, in 2004.

Reuters/Billboard

The Commissionary Position - Volume 1 Issue 2

This year's sister league to our main gridiron endeavor is none other than the long-awaited Mistakes League, in which we celebrate the worst that on-field football has to offer. Gone are the days of agonizing over whether or not to take a QB in the first round, trying to figure out which rookie RBs will be the breakout stars or hoping the Defense you picked up is as good as it looks on paper.

Well, actually, you still have all those problems, just in reverse - now you get nowhere by picking players that are any good, and can only advance by coasting on the jet-streams of failure that propel the league's most hapless players into the spotlight of ridicule on various nationwide post-game radio and television shows.

In general, the only ways to earn points are through fumbles, interceptions, missed FGs and defensive incompetence. You've all received an invitation to this illustrious league, but here's the current scoring system for quick reference:

Offense:
Incomplete Passes (10)
Interceptions (300)
Sacks (100)
Fumbles (100)
Fumbles Lost (300)

Kicking:
Field Goals Missed 0-19 Yards (750)
Field Goals Missed 20-29 Yards (500)
Field Goals Missed 30-39 Yards (250)
Field Goals Missed 40-49 Yards (100)
Point After Attempt Missed (1000)

Defense:
Points Allowed 1-6 points (250)
Points Allowed 7-13 points (500)
Points Allowed 14-20 points (750)
Points Allowed 21-27 points (1000)
Points Allowed 28-34 points (1500)
Points Allowed 35+ points (2000)

Everything else is worth 0. Note that the "Sacks" category above is listed under "Offense", so I presume it's the number of points awarded (normally subtracted) if your QB goes down. It's not used in our main league, so I can't confirm. Also, this league is scored on points only... we don't play head-to-head games each week. Whoever can rack up the most terribleness by season's end will take the crown!

The draft time is set for Sunday, 8/31 at 2:30pm CST... that's an hour-and-a-half after the "real league" draft, which was as close together as I could make them. So join up (let me know if the invites don't arrive) and post your comments/thoughts/opinions on the scoring system... we may not have a full 8 teams for this one, but we'll see.

- Commissioner Chunder