This is important.

Open my profile...

and love my occupation. You are all DAMN DIRTY APES. I love you.

When is it NOT "in-breeding"??

Second, third, or fourth cousins???

I'm asking for a friend.

The Best of Year 7

You're probably asking yourself, "What could have happened here between May 2011 and April 2012?  Wasn't this a wasteland?"  Not yet it wasn't, fuckbrain.  Check these out, and try not to get anything on the screen:

One of my favorite Posse-related things on Facebook - This is pretty good.

I'm still posting here, so FUCK YOU! - As is this.

Full Force wine reviews - Of all the posts I've written, this one is my favorite.

If you enjoy random content as much as I do, you'll probably like all of these:
Suck it.
My Name is Bob Dylan...
Holy Shit I Forgot This Website Was Here!

Year 7 Post Statistics

NOM NOM NOM MY KNOB

Jim - 9
Dave - 5
Mike - 3
Tom - 2
Vince - 1

The Best of Year 6

Why not take a break from porn for a few minutes, and enter Blogger Reminiscence Mode?  Here are some offerings from the Year That Was Six.


2010 - THE YEAR WE MAKE CONTACT - Well, so much for that.

Blog Post - Ken predicted it... see final comment.

The FUTURE of Social Networking! - Sage advice in the comments.

new iPhone commercial - Yeah she did.

Nintendo announces new Wii Shit - Mostly I just like the image.


Now, why not take a break from Blogger Reminiscence Mode for a few minutes, and check out some porn?

Year 6 Post Statistics

Believe this shit!!

In the far reaches of May 2010 - April 2011, there were 53 fearsome threads, which is more than a 100% increase over half of Year 5's total! AWESOME!! Year 6 also saw the 666th post in the Fort. Then the Devil's Posse all jumped in and they broke it on down like this:

D - 0
I - 10
J - 17
K - 17
Me - 8
The Stranger - 1

Who is "The Stranger", the mysterious manwomanbeast who created a single post with the shout of the Sasquatch as its title??  Well it happened like 25 years ago so WE'LL NEVER KNOW!!!  Therefore, this year is a tie between K & J!

Now get back to work, or get back to wanking it, or get back to work wanking it!

Second post of 2013!  Goo!

FIRST POST OF 2013!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

Presented without comment

Just Click on it...NSFW (Not safe for wrestling)

Well this was awkward

Not sure how many versions I've missed since I last checked in here, but I sort of hate the new Blogger interface. Hopefully no one minds that I changed around the layout to look like how I remembered it two years ago. Also, see my comments on the Vegas 2 post - we are semi-seriously considering a return trip early next year. All of you should enlist. Go Boobs.

VEGAS 2.....BITCH!

Two members (heh heh) of the p-posse are heading back out to Vegas NEXT WEEK! We are gonna knock them Vegas broads bowlegged for 2 nonstop days! Then win some money! Then spend the money on more bitches and a buffet at the Bellagio. Don't like it? Well then you can CRAM IT WITH WALNUTS JUNIOR!

Eternal Goat Champions

Kevin, I'm still waiting in line....

http://p-posse.blogspot.com/2008/08/welcome-to-your-doom_17.html This post might be my all time favorite. Between the original content and the comments...top notch. But Kevin, you promised a March 2012 release date for the new trilogy. What gives?!

This archive of comedy is HI-larious

Just traveled back to 2005 and saw all the crazy shit we wrote. You can spend hours looking back on all this crap and still end up pissing your pants in laughter. Solid work gents. And here's a random picture.

Holy Shit I Forgot This Website Was Here!

Uh-oh.

Attention wives, girlfriends, children, pets, parents, employers, responsibilities, and good hygiene: enjoy the next couple of months, because after that, you're going to be seriously fucking neglected.

Because Diablo III comes out on May 15th.

Captain Shiner

Holy Crap. When this comes out, we need to go see it. Together. Forever.

http://insidemovies.ew.com/2012/01/19/fdr-american-badass-truth/

Remember when we started up a posse?

Full Force wine reviews

If you're looking to purchase a fine wine for someone on your gift list this year, or are yourself a wine reviewer who's struggling with a deadline and desperate to steal someone else's material, then this post will help you find either a) that perfect gift, or b) that perfect five-dollar turn of phrase about bouquets and flavor notes, with an overall sense of general snobbery punctuated by an arbitrary two-digit score.

Enjoy with amore!

Château de Sexe 2005

Caresses the palate with rich sensations akin to a lady's supple, honey-dewed vulva. A delightful precursor to drunken intercourse.

93/100

La Casa di Palle 2009

Boasts a flavor reminiscent of a marathon runner's sock at the twenty-fifth mile. Packs a spiteful, punishing finish which lingers not unlike a stab wound. Drink it alone, in a black room, while staring angrily into the abyss.

51/100

Enrique's Revenge 2008

A maddeningly complex, supremely deceptive vintage with a nose that suggests blueberries, burning leaves and boiled football leather, meticulously unfolding to reveal a finish with hints of honey, fried chicken and blood.

A dreadful, barely-perceptible undercurrent of white noise fills your head with each sip. For some reason, tastes completely different if you have a beard. The winemaking equivalent of an M.C. Escher painting.

89/100? I think?

Wyckoff Vineyards' Special Reserve Chardonnay 1996

A firm structure and sweet oak flavor that pairs well with fish sticks.

74/100

iWine 2011

The world's first digital cabernet sauvignon, only available for the Apple iPad 2 via the iTunes store. After purchasing a bottle/copy, users point the rear (HD) camera lens at their head, which fires an information-rich beam of light into the human temporal lobe, simulating the sensory, muscular and nervous responses associated with drinking a glass of wine.

While the "wine" itself is below average and merits little discussion, 38 points have been added to the score due to the satisfaction gained from directing the beam onto the heads of strangers in a public park.

78/100

Jimson's Flavor Circus Circa 2002

Terrible.

6/100

Eyeball Tornado 2010

100/100

The vintage of the true Fantasy Football champion. Intoxicates you almost immediately yet improves your ability to drive a car and operate machinery by 275%. It's red, if knowing that sort of thing is important to you. Rest assured that it is fucking unbelievable in all respects. Every bottle comes with a free MP3 download of the song "Eyeball Tornado" from JE, which includes full lyrics printed on the label:

eyeball tornado

the all-seeing storm

a cold front of fear

freezing yet warm

eyeball tornado

ruins your town

drowns your whole city

drags it all down

(solo: Lombard)

eyeball tornado

complete disarray

fills you with terror

blows you away

eyeball tornado

so inhumane

beating you senseless

fucking insane

(solo: Thayil)

eyeball tornado

the thought makes you sick

your last living memory

is eating a dick

*death metal vox* BBBBLLLLLLRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *vomit*

(final instrumental break - GO NUTS)

IT'S CHRISTMAS!

Smoke a cigarette and drink some coffee. Then punch your significant other in the butt cheek. Now it's Christmas!

This image was the first result on google image search for 'Stupid Christmas'

I was oddly moved by this story

Master Grief.

My name is Bob Dylan...

Bob Dylan's my dadddddddd!

Gay porn.

Suck it.

No one likes you Kenny. Benny. Lenny?

You Just sold a Playstation 3!

My Favorite Part About The No Huddle? THE SEX!

I'm still posting here, so FUCK YOU!

The Beastie Boys made My Algonquin, but in music video format.

Cameos GALORE!

One of my favorite Posse-related things on Facebook

This music inspires me - NSFW

Best thing I've heard since Wesley Willis.

I recommend the title track and the Eddie Murphy song.

Rotissabooty

A Post, For You

This is the why the world didn't end

Supposedly it's available for pre-order on Amazon. I'm pissed there doesn't seem to be a theatrical release ... I guess I'll have to wait for it to hit Netflix streaming.

RIP Macho Man

While the new header image could do with some judicious resizing, it fulfills the requisite Macho Man content for the site.

Sad news... he was always my favorite growing up. Did he ever come back to the WWF in the 2000s? Pretty much everyone else who worked for them in the 80s & 90s, even Bret Hart, returned recently in some capacity.

Suck It, Losers!

Actually, I am one of the "Losers". Whatev.

This is not my 666th post.

The last one was.

More video game nonsense

Keeping with the recent theme of posts, check this out:

http://gallopingghostarcade.com/

We might have to hit this place some time.

For Kevin

In one hand beef jerky, in the other...

....whatever.

Grab you up some popcorn. It's time for TWO FUCKING HOURS of video game fatalities. That includes Eternal Goshdang Champions, bucko! Most of these I have never seen before.

Subtle.

Very subtle.

The FUTURE of Social Networking!

Kevin Hurley Must Join Facebook within 48 hours!!

Because that's when his unofficial Facebook page is gonna go:

I beat your team this year, and will do it for the next 10 years!

And there's not a DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

From the Archives: Josh on Yahoo! Answers

Had to log into my Yahoo account recently and post an honest question on Yahoo! Answers (horrible, I know). Anyway, I saw a link to Josh's old (I believe it was eventually blocked) account 'Outlaw_tattoo_biker'. Clicked on it and saw that all of Josh's old questions were still there. Here are some of my favorites:



http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsbNbXq584NCA9G0xn5_35Dty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20061018094839AAPCXyv

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuEqKAW_rlrkYANo7WHidCDty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070628083201AAubwTt

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Alw.nJ7yGoGtYlhhe6xXmXzty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070628105555AAms7b6

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ano4H07OClNOH7F93qhOjaLty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070629112733AA8ylOE

And some of his best answers:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtwVkUey9eeiwVwkMf110u3ty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070629085644AAdeaIK

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhgpCy22k9z93xA8bic9ztHty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070629062622AANwuZa

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Apa_IzaDrjJTcrYkZ86ZedXty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070628142548AAIPcZx

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlIpV9jw39Bfz.g.SjK5EpLty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070628071129AADKp6F

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av4qq9c9lad4r49ITJ1VM67ty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070626072818AAMlB5V

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhUzxzaJfYo9g6TzcU03RDvty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20070621071829AAOT3Q9

And the list goes on and on. Josh, you need to come back to Yahoo Answers. The world needs you.

Friday Funny

OH MY MOM!

WERE ALMOST ONE DAY AWAY!!!!!

Santa's Slay Ride Just Got a Theme Song

2010 - THE YEAR WE MAKE CONTACT

Who needs to know the language? NOT ME.

Ken, hang on to your hat...

...literally. Soon it will be a collector's item. No word on whether Maneuvers will remain in the area.

One of these things is not like the other ...

PLEASE DROP LANCE MOORE

PICK UP STEPHENS-HOWLING

DROP DEVIN AROMASHODU

PICK UP LANCE MOOORE

PLEASE DROP ADROMASHADPU

Pick up Lance Moore

PLEASE DROP AROMASHADU

Pick up Lance Moore.

Maybe my favorite thing of the Millennium

Imagine Ray Lewis Lying On Top Of You

Well, sadly this doesn't take it quite that far but it still made me think of that now infamous saying ... CLICK HERE DAMMIT

If Mick Foley ever ran for office...

This is all because of me...

I need to go back to his grave and do whatever a reverse fart is on it.

Oooooooooh GOD!

Nintendo announces new Wii Shit

Originally scheduled to debut at 2010's E3, this Labor Day weekend Nintendo finally unveiled the much-anticipated follow-up to its acclaimed Wii Fit software, which has sold over 20 million copies worldwide. With the new Wii Shit, consumers will fit a heavy-gauge plastic toilet shell over the Wii Balance Board peripheral, which will be used to measure force, density and consistency of player excrement.

The video demonstration revealed several game modes within the core software, such as "King of the Can", where players race to be the first to lay down a full pound onto the Balance Board, and "Last Man Sitting", where up to 4 players each attempt to eat as many plates of refried beans as possible before giving up, falling onto the floor or losing consciousness. Online leaderboards will allow players to upload their statistics and see how they stack up against others around the world.

Third party support for the peripheral is expected to be strong for the holiday launch, with Konami announcing a binge drinking title which they claim will utilize the new hardware in "inventive and disgusting ways", and UHS developing "Virtual Swirlie". As a bonus, 180 free Rock Band or Guitar Hero song downloads from Upstream Premium Division, Drunken Stupor and Captain Darkwheat will be included with the first one hundred thousand copies.

Announcements regarding Sony's "PlayStation Deuce" and Microsoft's "Project Fecal" are expected later this week.

Has this Lebowski thing gone too far?

I dunno, but it has on waterskis and there is a shark in the water.

Just Wanted to Post this.

It makes me happy.

NO! I'm only a child!

Yes. This is happening. In California.

LORD HUMONGOUS!

new iPhone commercial

Just saw an iPhone 4 commercial (I don't watch a lot of TV, OK?) that showcases video calling, and am submitting a couple of simple ideas for improvement. I guess this is supposed to be about how your wife telling you she's pregnant is much better if you can also watch her tell you as she's telling you over the phone. Anyway, additions are in red.

--
Man: "Hey, what's goin' on sweetie?"

Woman: "Hey, do you got a minute?"

Man: "Yeah."

Woman: "Are you alone?"

Man: "Yeah..."

Woman: "Well, you know that 'thing' we've been working on for a while now?"

Man: "..."

Woman: (smiling and nodding)



Woman: "Your brother and I took care of it while you were at that stupid StarCraft II convention last weekend."

Man: (laughs) "No way... really?"

Woman: "Yes."

Man: "Really."

Woman: "Mmm-hmm!!"

Man: "You f****** b****."

- iPhone 4 -

YEAHHH!!! FOOTBALL!!! WORK THAT SHIT!!!!

(Yeah, it looks like they're jerking off)

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Here is a collection of fan reactions after the United States scored the winning goal at (nearly) the last minute against Algeria at the world cup. I love how in every video, people go insane, and then break out into a U-S-A Chant.

This Could Be Interesting.

Who needs an Xbox or PS3 anymore? Just connect over the internet.

Live sound is the best sound

Ian, something to add to your collection...

WHITESNAKE Wine Coming in July

Got some time on your hands?

This guy took it to the next level ...

Kevin, you are welcome.

This will be the coolest dang thing you watch all day.

A Terrible Injustice...and how it can be corrected.

I don't know if anybody saw this, but on what should have been the last play of the THIRD perfect game this season, the umpire blew the call. Saying blew the call doesn't really do it justice, it's more like "DO YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT?!?!?"

The talk now of course is going to be about instant replay. That's one solution. But there are ways this call could have been corrected without instant replay.

First of all, the Umpire, Jim Joyce, has been an umpire for 22 years. I don't want to seem disrespectful, because he admit he blew the call afterward, and I am sure he feels terrible, but he is gettin' up there. It's similar to the stories of elderly drivers who get behind the wheel and then plow into something. They shouldn't have been behind the wheel. Jim Joyce, he may be a nice guy, but when you blow calls like this, it's time to get off the field and hand the keys to someone else. Baseball doesn't necessarily need instant replays...it needs younger umpires. A 35 year old should be able to memorize the rulebook and run a game just as, if not more, efficiently than a 55 year old. Physically, the younger man should also be better able to handle the demands of moving around the field and the marathon schedules that are required of Major League Umpires. They could ump for 15 years and call it a career at 50.

But what about experience? This incident proves that experience is overrated. As mentioned, this guy has been an ump for 22 years, and none of that experience helped him make the proper call at the right time. His experience was worthless in the most crucial moment.

Maybe you like the older, more dignified umps. I figure they get 97-99% of the calls right, and that's pretty good. So what else can we do? In every other sport, when there is a crucial call, usually the officials will get together and talk it over. In basketball, they huddle around the scorers table, in football, they confer with the referee after a flag has been thrown. This helps to cover their ass and ensure correctness in the decision. How many times in the NFL has a flag been thrown, they have a conference, then the ref gets on his mic and says "there is no penalty on the play?" About once a week. In baseball there is none of this. Maybe Jim Joyce got confused and threw the safe sign by mistake. In baseball, that call is irrefutable. Not even the umpire can overturn his own call. I guarantee you Jim would have loved to have been able to huddle up with the other umps, who could have overruled him. Or at least they could have said "Uhhhh...Jim...he looked out buddy. Are you sure you want to stick with that call?" Jim would have had an avenue to reverse his decision and cover his ass.

Now he is just a goat. And the game, and Gallaraga, are all the poorer for it.

The Best of Year 5

While there were no posts that will probably make 2015's Best of the Decade list, there was some tasty wheat to be found among the comments of the Year 5 wreckage. So feast your eyes on these... at ease.

Jerking Off Hamsters - Ken hadn't yet thought of putting a toilet on his head and uploading a picture of it, so he posted this.

OH MY GAWD, KING! - The focus quickly shifts from a tragic news story to NES Pro Wrestling. Only at UGIJF.

And now, your Chris Kasch moment of zen.... - Josh can only find Zen with a remote in on hand...

My Superbowl Pick - I wasn't going to include this until I read the last two comments.

Bloodsport: The Band - I quite simply love this.

Blogger Profiles - collected here for your reference:

The Stranger
Full Force
General Anacock
Upgrayedd


Now... piss yourself.

Ozzy's Still got it

GRIM Revisited! !

This motherfucker is a monster. A monster who can phase through walls. Plus, this monster has has some totally bitchin' theme music. This movie sucked.

Want Some Tacos to go with that Suplex?

Any of you make it to San Diego, we gotta go here!!! (I haven't been yet but will make the journey very, very soon.

The end of Lost

Well, now that Lost is over I will be forced to rely on books to provide me with epic storytelling, and the Internet to provide me with weekly glimpses of Evangeline Lilly's splendid booty.

In case you didn't watch the show, it turns out that all the characters' lives were being made up as they went along by five guys on a blog site. The finale took place in a Starbucks and had a giant mechanical dog named Slayer.

Meat Market 2010: Texas De Brazilliant

Friday, May 28th.   7:00pm

Texas De Brazil, Schaumburg, IL

Sex photos observed!

As HOG spills and thrills at will!

Ok, someone explain the whole Highlander premise to me again.

Haven't seen the movies in forever, but I just don't understand the endgame.  So, you kill all the highlanders and then what?  There can be only one and now you're destined to roam the earth, never die, and catch every STD known to man.  I just don't get it.

Firefox anyone?

I haven't been able to post comments or view the Facebook sidebar for a while on our blog ... anyone else having issues with this (Firefox or otherwise)?

These are still out there!

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=ZTzbp5rY8kEu

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=uEbFR5cLQ7zz

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=Ndqfw26nO125

http://www.getobsessedwithali.com/?movie=bRSG9ckGXame

Bill the beer thief!!!

Hide your beer!!!!

Location : 1650 Peter Ln, Romeoville, IL 60446,

Rao The Conqueror?!?!?!!

MOBILE BLAU!!!!

Year 5 Post Statistics

"Too much stuff, and not enough stuff!!" *PYRO*

This post emanates LIVE from the UGIJF branch office in Chicago, where we've worked non-stop for the last 4 minutes to bring you the ultimate results from the half-decade mark! There were 55 total posts, which is 999,945 short of our goal of one million. Here's how it all beaks down:

19 - That's gotta be KEN!!
17 - Surgio Salerno
14 - Heartbreak Kev
5 - E.N. Forbes (he's in your mom)
0 - Diggity Dan


Fucking shit, I thought I had you guys. I TRIED SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!

Full Force Hits 33

Congrats dude! You've reached another palindromic age plateau. :) Do yourself a favor and have someone treat you to a showing of "Kick-Ass". I'll let the others add some imagery and debauchery.

I am not sure what to make of this...

MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH!

Another Post!

This should make you laugh!!!

Green Light that SH*T!!!

Bloodsport: The Band

Who better than Kanyon?!

Everyone who is currently NOT dead.

LOOK AT THIS FIRST!

Video Game Programmers are a holes.

LOOK AT THIS!

Credit Weekly World News.

SOMEONE POST SOMETHING FOR CHRISTSAKES!!!!!

Or Kevin, join Facebook.



That is all.

Blogger Profiles: Upgrayedd

Real Name: Definitely Dan

Age: of Aquarius

Sex: In a Burger King bathroom

Location: Around the way

Likes: Money, women, cars, power, money

Dislikes: Kittens, Things that make you say 'hmmmm'

Favorite Sports Team: Milwaukee Beers

Favorite "Forbes": Tickle Me Forbes.

Favorite Posse Moments: Stopping the Internet with a piece of paper, Voltron commentary, Mattress Wars

Worst College Moments: The times I had to pause my video game and/or put down a beer and go to class

Goals in Life: To bring sexy back

Movie that defines my life: Rad

Twix or Kit Kat?: Skat Kat