Brandon Routh and Anne Hathaway

For a while now, I have held the opinion that Brandon Routh and Anne Hathaway look alike. To illustrate my point, I have turned to the aide of photographic evidence.

First, Here is a picture of the guy who played Superman, Brandon Routh:

That's a handsome man.

Next, I present a picture that is the singularly greatest photograph in the history of mankind. In fact, I believe this is the very reason photography was invented in the first place:

There's a lot that goes into making a photograph THAT good. Of course the photographer, but also consider the light, the shirt maker, and her parents.

Back to the subject, I realize this is hard (as in difficult), but we aren't comparing their firm, perky and oh-so-suckable bosoms here. Look at their faces. Their pretty much the same, right?

Misogynistic Word Of The Day

A Movie Review: THE PROTECTOR

Ahhh......Tony Jaa. A simple man who makes simple movies. The basic plotline for all of his movies seems to be this: Tony is the protector of X. X gets stolen by some fashion challenged gangsters. Tony Jaa implements his simple method of conflict resolution: Kicking Everybody's ass until he either gets X back or is himself dead. Did these people whose asses are kicked have anything to do with X disappearing? Who knows? But if you are looking for social commentary or deeper meaning don't look to Tony Jaa. I mean, he can't speak English, but he has the nerve to come to our country and beat up our thugs?

Anyway, THE PROTECTOR is pretty much a film length version of Tony Jaa using Muay Thai to Elbow, Knee, and Kick entire armies of goons into submission. The X in this case is an elephant. The elephant is kidnapped. Tony Jaa needs to get it back. In between variously placed fight scenes, there is some kind of greasy film that is supposed to be a plot or character development or something. Let's just say this: I've seen better plots in films that would end up on your screen if you are foolish enough to leave Ken unattended in your hotel room.

But you didn't go to this movie to see plot or character development either. You want to see bad guys get their asses kicked. Well, this film delivers that in spades. In fact, the choreography is nothing short of insane. There is even like a 5 minute continuous shot that is eerily similar to this:

Yup. Fighting your way up a dojo level by level to get to an elusive boss. Like I said-No plot.

Anyway, I am sure Tony Jaa would be content to not have to kick the crap out of half of Australia if he didn't have to. Just give him his elephant back and he'll go away. But then the bad guys make an even bigger mistake. They make it personal. Before Tony was just beating people up. Now he is radioactive pissed. Needless to say it gets ugly. Real ugly. Nausea inducing ugly. Then Nathan Jones shows up and throws an elephant. That's waht you pay to see. **** out of 5.

Enough of the "Numb-chucks"

I have no idea why that link to the YOU TUBE Numb chucks is there. Please change it to something that makes sense, like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPRscxQZs8E

A Message for Josh ...

I don't know what this was about but ...

I found the movie title very interesting: http://imdb.com/title/tt0365350/

Check this out ...

Ricky Gervais of BBC's The Office has reprised his character of David Brent in a fake Microsoft training video. Check it out here: http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=ricky+gervais+training&hl=en.

Fans of the office will love this. Even better is that it was pulled from You Tube because its parent company is Microsoft.

And there are outtakes after them too!

I've been busy sitting on my ass

Just thought I'd let y'all know I put up a handful of reviews over the weekend. Because that's the type of committment I have for all of you. :) Oh, and before you even get to the reviews, just make sure to go out and see "Little Miss Sunshine". It's easily the best film in theatres right now.

I'm going to try to get to "Beerfest" this week and may even resort to some crappy ones if I don't pass out from exhaustion ... I'm at 13 movies this month, which after only 3 the month before and having the same workload is starting to make me loopy ... wheee ...

What exactly is....Gau?

I'm guessing it is just the word 'Goal' spoken in a deep southern dialect.  But I may be wrong.  It could be a quote from Snakes on a Plane.  It could be a new cool word that the youngsters use.  I just don't know.  Someone please advise.

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Are you ready for some football?

Our league is now complete! I'm glad to have the legendary Dan Bowers complete our circle of 8. Now all that is left is to see who will win the best of 3 series between Kevin and Dan, as they are matched up against each other in a struggle of epic proportions!

In Case You Missed This ...

Hitler-themed Restaurant Causing Uproar In Mumbai
August 21, 2006 10:09 a.m. EST
Shaveta Bansal - All Headline News Staff Writer

Mumbai, India (AHN) - A Hitler-themed restaurant that opened last week in India's major financial district is causing an uproar. The restaurant's title - "Hitler's Cross" - refers to the swastika that symbolized the Nazi regime, and the restaurant's interior is decorated in red, white and black - the colors of the Nazi party.

The road leading up to Hitler's Cross is lined with posters, one of which reads "From Small Bites to Mega Joys." An enormous portrait of Hitler is the first thing visitors see when they open the door.

According to the store's owner, Punit Shablok, his establishment is not promoting Hitler.

Shablok tells Reuters, "We wanted to be different. This is one name that will stay in people's minds ... we want to tell people we are different in the way he was different."

Restaurant manager Fatima Kabani says they are planning to open more branches in Mumbai.

"This place is not about wars or crimes, but where people come to relax and enjoy a meal," the manager says.

Jonathan Solomon, chairman of the Indian Jewish Federation, is among the infuriated. "This signifies a severe lack of awareness of the agony of millions of Jews caused by one man," he says. "We are going to stop this deification of Hitler."

Tumblefuck

note: I added the link to Dan, Josh, and Kevin's story to the links on the right. I LOVE GOLD.

We have a backer for My Algonquin...

Ok, so I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go see SOAP.  Something about paying full price for a purposefully B movie.  I'm afraid it won't live up to the hype.  So, I'll just wait until it hits the cheap theatre or video store.

Anyway, if you've been paying attention to the hype, you may have seen the interview where SLJ talks about how he thinks the next big thing will be a movie powered by contribution from the internet - where the story will be put together piece by piece and you will decide who should star in it, etc etc.

IMMEDIATELY two words sprung to mind:  MY ALGONQUIN!

Yes, the movie and cast list that has been relegated to the furthest reaches of Kevin's hard drive all these years may be able to come to life in some way, shape, or form.

I say if SLJ follows through on this idea, we immediately submit it.  Even better, I say we launch a wiki site that would allow people to help build the story and cast.  Maybe we don't have the free time to do it, so other people can.  We could probably back the site up every day in case some lame assess trash it (which they will - see wikipedia), but even if they do a Jeff K on it, we might actually keep some of it in there.

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How bad is the economy?

I've got something for Dave Navarro

Dave,

I know things are not going well for you. Jane's Addiction did not make very good music, and I guess you are no longer with the Chili Peppers because I think I saw you on that Supernova show with Tommy "Pam ditched me" Lee and Jason "Lars Ditched Me" Newstead. On top of that, the price for cigarrettes and mascara has never been higher. It is obvious because every time you appear in public you are appear like a homeless Jack Sparrow, minus one thing:

A T-SHIRT!!!!!!

So I tell you what, buddy. I went out and got you one. I know you would rather I purchased a CD or some other merch, but I think I'll get better mileage out of this. And this is no ordinary mans HANES t-shirt, no sir. This is special. It is snug so all the bitches can still see your muscles. Also, it comes with special padding to protect your sensitive sword-pierced nipples. I even got some dude to sew a POLO label on it. So come and get it Dave....you no longer have to go shirtless.

You're Welcome.

Name Dan's Football Team

In a continued, largely-useless effort to get Dan to sign up for our Fantasy Football league, I'm drafting this post to try and get him to join us on our annual 16-week trip of personal discovery, ruthless competition and merciless ridicule. I expect the rest of the Fort will contribute submissions as well. In the event we fail, we'll just grab five of the best names and the existing players can each field two teams, for an even league of ten. Either way, all entries will be added to the "huge pool of great names we have for things which we should really get around to doing something with", starting with these:

Fuego Muerto
Diablojob
Da Scepter
Supernintendo Chalmers
We Tried Our Best
Peanut Butter Jelly Time
Free Lunch
Josh Magic
Finish Me
Tactical Chunder
Platonic Jumpkick*
GOAL (using as many O's and/or A's as allowed by Yahoo's naming standards)


* this is my favorite of the bunch, and I almost used it for my own team name. I still may, actually.

SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes...

Shock and awe. I don't even know what to say to this.

Watch Ken beat SMB3 in 11 minutes

Ok maybe it's not Ken but it's indescribable.

It's Out of Control!!!

I made a comment a few posts ago about something that has become fashionable that really bothers me, and I've noticed it has recently gone from being merely a fad to an out and out fucking obsession. I am talking about the state of women's sunglasses. They just keep getting bigger!!

BONER!!!

First of all, no person should have bigger sunglasses than a blind person. Blind people need to wear dark glasses to let you know that they can't see. For reference purposes, I will use someone who is pretty universiallay reknowned for being cool:

RAY F'N CHARLES!!!!!

Noone will deny that Ray Charles was blind. Noone can deny that because of this impediment he wore some big damn sunglasses. This is as big as sunglasses can get, right?

Wrong. The fashion world has gone crazy. A few examples:

This is Jada Pinkett Someone, from some movie that came out a couple of years ago. Her sunglasses are more than an acceptable size. They say "I Have style" not "Fuck! I left my cane at home and now I need to be led across the street." These sunglasses say "Sassy sans bitchiness." Her sunglasses, combined with the fact that she is pointing a gun at me, lead me to believe that her sunglasses are great. I could probably at least strike up a conversation with her, if not take her home. After all, was does her significant other have that I don't have? I give her 1/2 a Ray, for her glasses being about 1/2 Ray's size. Supercool. On to the next subject:

SOOOUUUP!!!

Okay. This is where the shit gets started. This lady is sporting 1.5 Rays. As the acceptable limit is 1 Ray, these sunglasses are too large. This look says "I may be a bitch, or I may just be protecting my eyes from the harmful effects of UV rays." Either that or "Oxygen has stopped circulating in my bloodstream. Get someone to give me CPR. No. Someone handsomer than you." If I could go a week without gratifying myself, I might have the courage or desperation to ask her about her eyewear/preexisting medical condition. I don't think glasses get much bigger than this, so lets move on to number 3....

For some reason,

POOP!!!

43,200 Minutes ...

My small Rent reference aside, have you guys been watching the new season of 30 Days? So far, they had one guy live with illegal immigrants in L.A. and another live with a family in India who are part of the outsourcing workforce. Both have been really good, setting a higher standard than much of last year's episodes.

If you haven't, I recommend them. If you have, anyone have some thoughts on the two?

The Sobering Conclusion Wants You!

An e-mail from Incurable Herpes reminded me of something I said a while back regarding movie reviews. As I have been absoultely full out with the race track this last month and won't really see much daylight until September, I want to reiterate that I would love to put up reviews by each or any of my fellow posse members and friends.

The Serbian Woman himself is hopefully putting together a Pirates review and I haven't seen anything since The Lake House, Scoop and Somersault, all of which are up on the site now.

So, throw me a review if you want. And someone get Dan to join up in the football league! :)