Dear Mr. Not Ian Forbes, Esq.,
You got us all wrong. We love each of our viewers and would make love to every one of them if we could, but without knowing where everyone's been we just can't risk it. However, what we CAN do is point out that you were deceived by our company's clever rhetoric, in which we state that while pictures SHOULD have been ready on Wednesday, we never guaranteed it. Nor did we say they'd "definitely be ready". One of our sister companies already uses that slogan , to mixed reactions.
We understand that "should" is pretty much the legal equivalent of trickery, but that's just how we do it. I don't like it any more than you. For example, I SHOULD be marrying Evangeline Lilly, but I'm not. That guy who played a Hobbit is. The world is fucked up.
To help ease your mind, please accept the following sketch of stick-figure oral sex:
.O C===8
/|./
It took me a while to draw, so I hope you like it.
Thanks be to skanks,
"Red Hot" Stan Dallas
Editor, UGIJF
I also would like to point out that it pretentious and flat out wrong for Mr. Forbes to use the title of COC. Unless at some point he has voted with a bullet or cleaned my wounds.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe that broad is marrying the guy who played Dinkins the Hobbit. Sam or Frodo I could see, those two were the main friggin hobbits. Sure, they were gay for each other, but EL could take care of that with an awkward 3 way. But Doyle the Hobbit? C'mon EL, this is worse than marrying fucking Gandalf. Here is who she should marry from the LOTR in order from first to last:
ReplyDelete1-Viggo/Aragorn
2-Hugo/Elrond
3-Treebeard/Treebeard
4-Sean/Boromir
5-Galadriel or Arwyn.
6-Sean/Samwise
7-Peter Jackson
8-Gimli
9-Captain Kirk (if you look closely, he and an away team are in the background of a shot very briefly)
10-Ian Holme/Bilbo
...
52-Orlando/Legolas
53-Sauron
54-An Oliphant
...
99-Steve the sound guy
100-Dinkus the hobbit
Don't marry Dorfus. He is punching out of his weight class.
Can I point out I never wrote the post? Check the originator, dudes! I was framed!
ReplyDeleteSee!
ReplyDelete