GET
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Gettin Older...
I am losing it...
With no Air Conditioning, it is good I have no visitors. This is because when I am at home in summer my outfit usually consists of unchanged boxer shorts and a bbq suace and blood stained wife beater. So while dressing for the day is pretty easy, it is no way to receive company. I recenty realized why as I was passing by a mirror. Then I saw something. Something terrifying.
I have started to develop a paunch. You know, that funny roly poly bump just below your abs but above your junk? For years I have dodged it, hoping I wouldn't have to do any actual
work to appear attractive. It was great. I would look at others and secretly smile inside, knowing that for one more day, I had avoided the roly-poly fate that had beset my brethren.
I used to look at my dad's paunch and, along with his mustache, used to think it made him look ridiculous. (Add 70's fashion on top of that and the only thing I can logically attribute to my existence to is drugs). As a result, I have usually avoided beer and fast food and have invested heavily in Gillette products. But still I end up with one of these things. And honestly, it is like subtracting at least 1 from the length=length + 2 equation.
Anyway, I have to fix this. I don't know how. Will sit ups do it? This thing is below my abs, so I don't know. I may have to call in Billy Blanks and his Fat Fighting Special Forces. It seems my intestines have grown like the Grinches heart on Christmas morning. Even If I stand up straight it's still there.
With no Air Conditioning, it is good I have no visitors. This is because when I am at home in summer my outfit usually consists of unchanged boxer shorts and a bbq suace and blood stained wife beater. So while dressing for the day is pretty easy, it is no way to receive company. I recenty realized why as I was passing by a mirror. Then I saw something. Something terrifying.
I have started to develop a paunch. You know, that funny roly poly bump just below your abs but above your junk? For years I have dodged it, hoping I wouldn't have to do any actual
work to appear attractive. It was great. I would look at others and secretly smile inside, knowing that for one more day, I had avoided the roly-poly fate that had beset my brethren.
I used to look at my dad's paunch and, along with his mustache, used to think it made him look ridiculous. (Add 70's fashion on top of that and the only thing I can logically attribute to my existence to is drugs). As a result, I have usually avoided beer and fast food and have invested heavily in Gillette products. But still I end up with one of these things. And honestly, it is like subtracting at least 1 from the length=length + 2 equation.
Anyway, I have to fix this. I don't know how. Will sit ups do it? This thing is below my abs, so I don't know. I may have to call in Billy Blanks and his Fat Fighting Special Forces. It seems my intestines have grown like the Grinches heart on Christmas morning. Even If I stand up straight it's still there.
Now, I don't have the graphical capabilities of a Ken, but here is some before & after magic, courtesy of MSPAINT.
Comments Welcome....
Friday, June 08, 2007
Its Doomsday!!!!
Some of you may have heard that here in downtown Chicago that the CTA has once again proposed a DOOMSDAY Scenario in case the IL state legislature doesn't come through with $110 Million to fund the system. This includes doubling most fares and generally sticking it to the working man, bringing new meaning to the phrase "CTA: Take It!" that mysteriously disappeared a few years ago.
Anyway, in light of these proposed fare increases, the CTA braintrusts, including new chairman and owner of a rock solid handshake Ron Huberman, decided to have a series of town hall meetings around the city to listen to what the people have to say and to emphasize that they don't want to have to raise fares, but will if they have to. And.....what the hell? One of these meetings is within walking distance of my place! I don't even have to take the bus to get there!
So I went.
I am almost sorry I did.
AS you entered you signed in. They gave each person a color coded card that would determine what order you would speak in. I took mine and sat towards the back, expecting to leave and get dinner before the GREEN CARDS (heh) got to speak at 8:30. Ron Huberman gave a brief presentation then opened the floor to comments. Upon further refelction, he opened the gates of hell.
Have you ever listened to the Gettysburg Address and had a chill run down your spine as it concludes with the part of "government of the people, by the people, for the people" not perishing from the earth? Well, those people must have been a lot less crazy when Lincoln was alive, because I am pretty sure Lincoln didn't intend for the government to be left in the hands of the people who go to CTA meetings.
Most people just stood up and griped about the service or cleanliness, or the general body odor of Bus Drivers. But some people really took the cake, the plate, and the tablecloth. The second dude to speak started rambling about the military industrial complex. He was booed down by a hostile Chicago crowd. "Don't I get three minutes?!?" he asked. "No" yelled the man in front of me. "You're Gone!" I added.
One lady couldn't speak English very well. Her comments consisted of "Washington Deee-Ceee Transport. Boston Transport. San Francisco Transport. Thank You." And in fact most comments were like that...rambling or complaining and completely without a point whatsoever. It was infuriating. I had shown up miffed about the possibility of fares increasing, and as the meeting went on I just got mad at the people who had shown up. Including the guy who spoke before I did--who looked like a mountain man, wouldn't cede the microphone, then wondered why noone listened to him.
Now it was my turn. I was pretty nervous. I thanked the board for coming out to listen to the People. I got some applause. Then I turned on the crowd. I told them board wouldn't listen to their rambling unless they had a specific point and wouldn't clean up the pee in the Subway--deal with it. Finally, I said that asking for money every year wsa just putting a band aid on a massive $110 Million head wound. A Band Aid wouldn't cut it. We need to do something to fix the wound, then make sure it doensn't happen next year. Well, the blind people still applauded for me. Then I went to Burger King.
Anyway, in light of these proposed fare increases, the CTA braintrusts, including new chairman and owner of a rock solid handshake Ron Huberman, decided to have a series of town hall meetings around the city to listen to what the people have to say and to emphasize that they don't want to have to raise fares, but will if they have to. And.....what the hell? One of these meetings is within walking distance of my place! I don't even have to take the bus to get there!
So I went.
I am almost sorry I did.
AS you entered you signed in. They gave each person a color coded card that would determine what order you would speak in. I took mine and sat towards the back, expecting to leave and get dinner before the GREEN CARDS (heh) got to speak at 8:30. Ron Huberman gave a brief presentation then opened the floor to comments. Upon further refelction, he opened the gates of hell.
Have you ever listened to the Gettysburg Address and had a chill run down your spine as it concludes with the part of "government of the people, by the people, for the people" not perishing from the earth? Well, those people must have been a lot less crazy when Lincoln was alive, because I am pretty sure Lincoln didn't intend for the government to be left in the hands of the people who go to CTA meetings.
Most people just stood up and griped about the service or cleanliness, or the general body odor of Bus Drivers. But some people really took the cake, the plate, and the tablecloth. The second dude to speak started rambling about the military industrial complex. He was booed down by a hostile Chicago crowd. "Don't I get three minutes?!?" he asked. "No" yelled the man in front of me. "You're Gone!" I added.
One lady couldn't speak English very well. Her comments consisted of "Washington Deee-Ceee Transport. Boston Transport. San Francisco Transport. Thank You." And in fact most comments were like that...rambling or complaining and completely without a point whatsoever. It was infuriating. I had shown up miffed about the possibility of fares increasing, and as the meeting went on I just got mad at the people who had shown up. Including the guy who spoke before I did--who looked like a mountain man, wouldn't cede the microphone, then wondered why noone listened to him.
Now it was my turn. I was pretty nervous. I thanked the board for coming out to listen to the People. I got some applause. Then I turned on the crowd. I told them board wouldn't listen to their rambling unless they had a specific point and wouldn't clean up the pee in the Subway--deal with it. Finally, I said that asking for money every year wsa just putting a band aid on a massive $110 Million head wound. A Band Aid wouldn't cut it. We need to do something to fix the wound, then make sure it doensn't happen next year. Well, the blind people still applauded for me. Then I went to Burger King.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Underground No More
Shit, you miss a month, you miss a lot.
First, let me get some stuff out of the way:
1. Ken I am happy your daughter is doing well. I can't wait to see her. I hope she looks like her mother, though.
2. Dan- You Graduated! Good for you! Unfortunately, my sister had a baby, and lost her shape. That is unless she is reading this board. In which case I mean her shape improved.
3. Kevin- Keep maintaining. See you at the CC show.
4. M.I.L.O.?
Allright- now where have I been? Well, I used to spend a lot of time posting after work at a Major Metropolitan Newspaper...Ok it was the Chicago Tribune. I don't want to rant about how terrible working there was, but mangement was sick of me and I was sick of them. The day after that job ended I was offered another job that pays about twice as much as I was getting at the trib. So I landed on my feet. Hopefully, my computer there will be set up soon and I can begin to post more regularly again.
First, let me get some stuff out of the way:
1. Ken I am happy your daughter is doing well. I can't wait to see her. I hope she looks like her mother, though.
2. Dan- You Graduated! Good for you! Unfortunately, my sister had a baby, and lost her shape. That is unless she is reading this board. In which case I mean her shape improved.
3. Kevin- Keep maintaining. See you at the CC show.
4. M.I.L.O.?
Allright- now where have I been? Well, I used to spend a lot of time posting after work at a Major Metropolitan Newspaper...Ok it was the Chicago Tribune. I don't want to rant about how terrible working there was, but mangement was sick of me and I was sick of them. The day after that job ended I was offered another job that pays about twice as much as I was getting at the trib. So I landed on my feet. Hopefully, my computer there will be set up soon and I can begin to post more regularly again.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
New Manager On Duty: Fat Spiderman
Don Imus is out like a fat kid in dodgeball.
Ctrl+R if you don't see Fat Spidey.
Ctrl+R if you don't see Fat Spidey.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Wrap up of Dan's final undergraduate college experience:
And the Rod of Ruin AWARD of EXCELLENCE for MOST BORING CLASS GOES TO:
Auditing, although I never attended it enough to know if the classes I missed were also boring.
Honorable mention: International Business
for FUNNIEST MOMENT IN CLASS GOES TO:
The weird kid next to me in my meteorology class who in the middle of a test said to me, "this is a good test".
Honorable mention: my horse is a secret horse
for MOST DIFFICULT CLASS TO PASS GOES TO:
Financial Reporting II, which one person I knew took 3 times to pass.
Honorable mention: Financial Reporting I and III
for HOTTEST GIRL ON CAMPUS GOES TO:
A girl named Megan from Carmel, Indiana. She was a brunette and although short undoubtedly hot.
Honorable mention: Maria R., The Alpha Delta Pi sorority, and Josh's sister
for WORST MOMENT IN A CLASSROOM SETTING GOES TO:
Daphne who during our presentation in taxation decided she didn't want to talk which made for an uncomfortably long pause. What a whore.
Honorable mention: Any time I was called on because I am old.
for STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE TO CLASS GOES TO:
Rod of Ruin for saying there was an accident outside of Del Taco.
Honorable mention: for never attending class at Bradley
for the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT WITH A GIRL GOES TO:
The girl who worked the register in the cafeteria who was surprised I was married and inferred she wanted some poontang.
Honorable mention: all the other times girls were surprised I was married.
MY HORSE IS A SECRET HORSE BLAU.
Auditing, although I never attended it enough to know if the classes I missed were also boring.
Honorable mention: International Business
for FUNNIEST MOMENT IN CLASS GOES TO:
The weird kid next to me in my meteorology class who in the middle of a test said to me, "this is a good test".
Honorable mention: my horse is a secret horse
for MOST DIFFICULT CLASS TO PASS GOES TO:
Financial Reporting II, which one person I knew took 3 times to pass.
Honorable mention: Financial Reporting I and III
for HOTTEST GIRL ON CAMPUS GOES TO:
A girl named Megan from Carmel, Indiana. She was a brunette and although short undoubtedly hot.
Honorable mention: Maria R., The Alpha Delta Pi sorority, and Josh's sister
for WORST MOMENT IN A CLASSROOM SETTING GOES TO:
Daphne who during our presentation in taxation decided she didn't want to talk which made for an uncomfortably long pause. What a whore.
Honorable mention: Any time I was called on because I am old.
for STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE TO CLASS GOES TO:
Rod of Ruin for saying there was an accident outside of Del Taco.
Honorable mention: for never attending class at Bradley
for the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT WITH A GIRL GOES TO:
The girl who worked the register in the cafeteria who was surprised I was married and inferred she wanted some poontang.
Honorable mention: all the other times girls were surprised I was married.
MY HORSE IS A SECRET HORSE BLAU.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Oh boy ...
I was doing some research at work for the gift shop and check out "Jocko" the jockey, he's the second one down ... anyone see a possible problem with that guy?
http://www.lawnjockey.com/
Oh, and scroll all the way down to the bottom ... I can barely contain myself ... wow ... I mean ... wow.
http://www.lawnjockey.com/
Oh, and scroll all the way down to the bottom ... I can barely contain myself ... wow ... I mean ... wow.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Great shirts....
If you've never visited Shirt*A*Day before, be sure to check it out. Every day they throw up a new shirt to buy. I thought today's was pretty good:
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
The Best of Year 2
YOU ALL BOUGHT IT!!! I was assembling a "Best-of-Year-2" post ALL ALONG!! Which means I threw it together in sections while I was either eating dinner or up at 2am... and as I bathed in the memories of BY07 (Blog Year 07), I determined the following posts have brought the most glory to Diablo:
Fun with Google - Fun with Comments!
New Post - Business briefings, UHS style.
More digging in the archives reveals: - Notes from the Internet Wayback Machine days.
It's Out of Control!!! - The state of women's sunglasses, and possible post tampering??
SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes... - Shock and awe... the Pallate Jack novella, my favorite Year 2 post. Josh ties it up with a twist ending that manages to be equal parts hilarious and awful.
Name Dan's Football Team - Anything where we think up lists of names is automatically good.
I've got something for Dave Navarro - It took Josh three days straight of eating a balanced breakfast to pry this gem loose from his soul.
Finally... - Sometimes the simplest posts are the best. That's not the case here, but sometimes they are.
Ask the General - General Anacock tells you what to do and shows you how to live. Bow down when he comes to your town!
I'd also like to nominate Ken's short film "Wish It Was Friday" for Year 2 Best Picture. I'd write more, but it's time to poop. Enjoy with amore!
Fun with Google - Fun with Comments!
New Post - Business briefings, UHS style.
More digging in the archives reveals: - Notes from the Internet Wayback Machine days.
It's Out of Control!!! - The state of women's sunglasses, and possible post tampering??
SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes... - Shock and awe... the Pallate Jack novella, my favorite Year 2 post. Josh ties it up with a twist ending that manages to be equal parts hilarious and awful.
Name Dan's Football Team - Anything where we think up lists of names is automatically good.
I've got something for Dave Navarro - It took Josh three days straight of eating a balanced breakfast to pry this gem loose from his soul.
Finally... - Sometimes the simplest posts are the best. That's not the case here, but sometimes they are.
Ask the General - General Anacock tells you what to do and shows you how to live. Bow down when he comes to your town!
I'd also like to nominate Ken's short film "Wish It Was Friday" for Year 2 Best Picture. I'd write more, but it's time to poop. Enjoy with amore!
Monday, May 07, 2007
Do you guys want to go to my graduation?
Seeing as most of you graduated, well whenever it was 10 years ago I thought maybe you'd want to come down on the 19th and watch me walk for the first time since I graduated highschool in 1995.
Ken, congratulations on your kid. I'm sorry it was a girl and I hope the wife didn't get too big. My wife wants a kid bad. Can she have yours? No seriously thats awesome. A little Kennibble. Do you mind if I refer to you as 'kenny' from southpark? So Kevin and I can call you poor and make fun of you? Seriously though, congrats on the family. I hope you are getting sleep.
And to my dear friend Kevin, I miss you. My cellphone broke two months ago and I lost your number. And Ken's. And Ian's. I lost everyones number. But I imagine you are still gainfully employed doing whatever it is you do on those lonely, cold Amsterdam nights.
And to Josh. My first and only one of two college roommates. You make up 50% of what it was like to live with me in college. The other troll Kroll was a choad. I didn't know what I had, till it was goooonnnnee. May your hot sister remain hot in my mind forever.
And to Ian. What can I say. You travel the lengths of the earth to see your friends, and those dipshits in Chicago won't even visit me when I drive halfway to Peoria. We could all learn a lesson from you, like how not to pee for days at a time.
And to M.I.L.O. You were weird. You were great. You had long hair. You reminded me a lot of the dude from X-files who was really smart. I have nothing more to say.
And to H.O.G. Our second acronym friend. You hated my mustang even though I didn't really like cars or care that you cared so much. You often talked of Mopars and Hemis while Ken fantasized about his roommate. You impressed the gods with your mullet and would scare small children with a look. You don't know this but, when I first met you I hid in the closet for days. Now I have you to thank for sex photos. And an occasional phi sig.
And with a whimper I study for my finals.
Ken, congratulations on your kid. I'm sorry it was a girl and I hope the wife didn't get too big. My wife wants a kid bad. Can she have yours? No seriously thats awesome. A little Kennibble. Do you mind if I refer to you as 'kenny' from southpark? So Kevin and I can call you poor and make fun of you? Seriously though, congrats on the family. I hope you are getting sleep.
And to my dear friend Kevin, I miss you. My cellphone broke two months ago and I lost your number. And Ken's. And Ian's. I lost everyones number. But I imagine you are still gainfully employed doing whatever it is you do on those lonely, cold Amsterdam nights.
And to Josh. My first and only one of two college roommates. You make up 50% of what it was like to live with me in college. The other troll Kroll was a choad. I didn't know what I had, till it was goooonnnnee. May your hot sister remain hot in my mind forever.
And to Ian. What can I say. You travel the lengths of the earth to see your friends, and those dipshits in Chicago won't even visit me when I drive halfway to Peoria. We could all learn a lesson from you, like how not to pee for days at a time.
And to M.I.L.O. You were weird. You were great. You had long hair. You reminded me a lot of the dude from X-files who was really smart. I have nothing more to say.
And to H.O.G. Our second acronym friend. You hated my mustang even though I didn't really like cars or care that you cared so much. You often talked of Mopars and Hemis while Ken fantasized about his roommate. You impressed the gods with your mullet and would scare small children with a look. You don't know this but, when I first met you I hid in the closet for days. Now I have you to thank for sex photos. And an occasional phi sig.
And with a whimper I study for my finals.
Friday, May 04, 2007
I webbed you....that means you get the apartment!
As much as I hate Comcast, I can't help but laugh every time I see this commercial. It's just the subtlety of the thing that gets me...
Linky
Linky
Year 2 post statistics
The post that's right now all up in your grill contains the summation of all that was in Underground G.I. Joe Fort: Year 2. Down but not out, we saw nearly 2/3 less activity than in our Freshman year here - 113 posts vs. 300 posts. Regrettably, we did not make 300 posts this year so you'll all have to do without a timely reference to the glory of Sparta. Here's how it happened:
General AnaKen: 34 posts (30%)
Hungry Hank: 34 posts (30%)
Powers Urge: 28 posts (25%)
Full Force: 12 posts (10.6%)
Rodo: 5 posts (4.4%)
...which is basically the same way these numbers looked last year, except that I now realize Josh has a pretty awesome alternate name if you just move the space over. Anyway, here's to the start of a splendid Junior year... could it mean the return of Dan (to the blog)?? Will Hell at the Bell FINALLY happen!?? Will I post a "Best Of Year 2" entry in the near future??? Probably not, but tune in anyway!
General AnaKen: 34 posts (30%)
Hungry Hank: 34 posts (30%)
Powers Urge: 28 posts (25%)
Full Force: 12 posts (10.6%)
Rodo: 5 posts (4.4%)
...which is basically the same way these numbers looked last year, except that I now realize Josh has a pretty awesome alternate name if you just move the space over. Anyway, here's to the start of a splendid Junior year... could it mean the return of Dan (to the blog)?? Will Hell at the Bell FINALLY happen!?? Will I post a "Best Of Year 2" entry in the near future??? Probably not, but tune in anyway!
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
The Joys of Parenthood
For those that may not know, I became a daddy on April 15th. (hence my absence) Sofia Margaret Lombard, 7lbs 2oz, 18.5 inches long.
I've been spending the past two weeks at home deprived of sleep any cleaning up various baby secretions! But I have to say, it's good to know my bait and tackle works. ;)
Now, I feel compelled to warn and educate you all in advance, should you choose (or accidentally) become a parent. If so, you can look forward to this:
"WANT SOME MUSTARD?!?" (Sorry, I have to post this since all I could think about was that quote...)
This is most likely NOT safe for work! So browse at your own peril!
Enjoy. :D
For more tasteful pictures, see : http://www.lombardclan.org
Monday, April 16, 2007
Happy Birthday, Kevin!
Welcome to the third decade of your life!
I went to YouTube to find something funny and this was the first thing that made me laugh ... though it has nothing to do with birthdays ... or being 30 ... or people named Kevin ... but it's funny!
PROBABLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK
I went to YouTube to find something funny and this was the first thing that made me laugh ... though it has nothing to do with birthdays ... or being 30 ... or people named Kevin ... but it's funny!
PROBABLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK
Saturday, April 14, 2007
It's the Simple Things
Sure, it looks staged but this was made funnier as this was the first comment I saw about this YouTube post:
"What was she thinking? Leaving the kitchen like that."
Click Here
Also, this video from Will Ferrell and his own 4 year old daughter is pretty funny.
"What was she thinking? Leaving the kitchen like that."
Click Here
Also, this video from Will Ferrell and his own 4 year old daughter is pretty funny.
Friday, April 13, 2007
No Retreat, The Condemned!
Interesting. I think many of us will recall always laughing at Jean Claude's character in NRNS being billed as 'Ivan, The Russian'. Well, in that fine tradition I ask that you peek at this website to see the character billing for Stone Cold's new crapfest. It's eerily similar.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
Happy Birthday Ian!
In addition to being a great friend and a responsible driver, he has delighted men of all faiths with his film reviews and fathered thousands across his homeland. Two words... you know 'em, I know 'em... Hungry Hank. As such, appropriate birthday wishes can only be made with the help of a little divine intervention!! Happy Birthday!!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
It's Baaaacck!
The Sobering Conclusion lives!
The site has been moved to www.soberingconclusion.com
Learn it, live it, love it!
One thing I do need to know from all of you is what screenname you would want as I do occassionally get reviews from you guys. Right now, I've gone with PowerSurgeon, Full Force & Blumeany . (Dan, if you wanted to write up something, let me know).
Anywho, the site is still under construction and much tweaking will be done over the next few weeks but if you want to see what I've been up to ... click the link above.
Probably the biggest downside so far is that all of the great comments you guys made didn't transfer over. But feel free to make new ones and to let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see.
Polls are already in the works, so don't worry about that. And I've adjusted the link on this blog to go to the new site.
The site has been moved to www.soberingconclusion.com
Learn it, live it, love it!
One thing I do need to know from all of you is what screenname you would want as I do occassionally get reviews from you guys. Right now, I've gone with PowerSurgeon, Full Force & Blumeany . (Dan, if you wanted to write up something, let me know).
Anywho, the site is still under construction and much tweaking will be done over the next few weeks but if you want to see what I've been up to ... click the link above.
Probably the biggest downside so far is that all of the great comments you guys made didn't transfer over. But feel free to make new ones and to let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see.
Polls are already in the works, so don't worry about that. And I've adjusted the link on this blog to go to the new site.
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