Our Petra Picture Turned to Panties!

Check out the post below where the Petra picture was. Some foolish admin figured he'd 'pull a good one' on us by replacing the picture with a funnier picture. JOKES ON HIM!

Fun with Google

I was putzing around cyberspace and decided to google "sobering conclusion" and lo and behold ... my blog site came up 4th on the search! Kick ass. I then checked for "underground g.i. joe fort" but alas, nothing on the first search page.

THE INITIAL RESPONSE: THE DAVINCI CODE

My initial response to this preview is pretty staraightforward. When watching it, you can tell they want ALL the people who read the book to go see the movie. Now I read the book over a year ago, and to be honest, the story was lame. A story about secret societies and knights and shit should have been cool but it wasn't. But for some reason I couldn't stop turning the pages. So what made the book work wasn't the characters or the story, but more of Dale Brown's writing style and wanting to find out what happens next. Unfortunately, writing style has nothing to do with a movie. And if they want all the people to see the movie that read the book, well they are screwed royal because everybody KNOWS what happens BEFORE seeing the movie. So the two things that made the book work are gone, man.

Although it has been over a year since I read the book, by watching the previews you can definitely tell what is going on in some scenes. For example, there is a dead guy in the Louvre, whose naked body happens to land under a light which tastefully blurs out his genitals. Instead of writing a note explaining everything clearly and shoving it up his wrinkled ass like a normal person, instead he hid clues all over the museum. For Example: So Dark the Con of Man. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN AND WHY DO I CARE? Are you aware that there are French Hookers that look like Nicole Kidman in the same town? Luckily, Tom Hanks is in town and since he WAS a bosom buddy, he knows all about this stuff. The plot goes from there and eventually reveals that Jesus, as a mortal man, liked the pink that stinks.

Anyway, I think this movie is going to get shitty reviews and a somewhat lukewarm reception at the box office because people don't really want to see a movie based on an ok book they already read. Especially when Tom Cruise is in the movie theaters. Plus, most people bought the hardcover, and after adding the price of a few movie tickets to that, you would have spent close to $50 on this story. Not worth it. Suck it Dan Brown. Suck it long and suck it hard.

PS3 to debut at $499

Where's your Messiah now Flanders?

So, what do you plan on selling to get it? Blood? Semen? Organs?

Hopefully the demo disc will be included, so there is something to play after you run out of money buying it. :)

More Reasons 2007 is "The Year That Raped Our Childhood"

As you all may know, I call 2007 that because it is the year Michael Bay ruins the Transformers, C.H.I.P.S rolls over in its CHP motorcycle grave yard(Damn you, Fez!), etc., etc.

Now, John Woo is back into making horrible American cinema and is bringing us Spyhunter: Nowhere to Run. Yes, it is based off the game. And YES, The ROCK is the driver. Oh God ... I'm definitely going to have to expand the number of films that make the Horrible but Fun list next year.

Maybe I'll just put myself into a medically induced coma for next year and avoid popping any blood vessels in my brain.

Celebrating Our Anniversary!

I was looking for a good anniversary picture for our blog. So I went to images.google.com and searched for 'one year blog'. This was the first picture that came up. Happy Anniversary to US!

Year 1 post statistics

Using mathematical theorems from my library of ancient Sumerian texts, I've calculated our post statistics for Underground G.I. Joe Fort: Year 1. I lay before you the post creation output for each of our "members", along with a percentage figure by which the person's worth may be judged (the following numbers are out of 300 and do not include this post):

Hungry Hank: 105 posts (35%)
Ken-Nasty: 99 posts (33%)
PowerSurgeon: 43 posts (14.3%)
FullForce: 36 posts (12%)
Rod of Rohirrim: 17 posts (5.6%)

Ian is a Behemoth! Ken is a just-slightly-smaller behemoth. But still huge. I'm surprised I even hit 10%. But keep in mind that since this is the 301st post, I'm shutting YOU ALL OUT IN YEAR 2!!! FULL FORCE = 1000%!!! YYYEEAAAAHHHH!! CARNITAS!!

I Love Craigslist

Click the title for why.

1 YEAR LATER

It all started when Ken made his first post, aptly titled, "This is my First Post" and only grew from there. That's right....we been postin' for 12 months or 1 calendar year...BITCH! So It's time to announce the greatest post in the most recent year.

Nominations welcome.

Holy Crap!

Just click on the title. Just do it. Now.

What happened to our blog?

Read title for what I'm asking.

Dish Network Review

Just thought I'd drop an unofficial review of Dish Network, since I just got it this weekend and am bored right now.

First off, it seemed like whenever I talked to people (outside this blog) about getting a dish, their eyes automatically rolled back into their skulls, like they were getting a 'treatment' from Eva Longoria. I think there's a certain stereotype, that has been heavily pushed by Comcast (aka the next AOL Time Warner) that when you have a dish ,and it isn't a sunny day out, you have no reception and you suddenly can't watch TV. Well, it wasn't the worst weather this weekend, but it was pretty crappy, and I had no problems whatsoever. I think the bad rap comes from consumers that have no clue how a satellite needs to be calibrated. They let their three year old practice t-ball on it and then call up Indian tech support to complain about how it rains and they 'ain't got no TV no more'.

So, picture is good, the selection of channels is good. They also have some funny features (that unfortunately cost extra) like karaoke, bar trivia games, etc. etc.

I purchased the dual tuner DVR. It allows me to have to tv's connected in two different areas. Both TVs work independantly, with the second TV using a UHF radio remote instead of the IR - which allows it to operate the box downstairs. It's a pretty sweet setup.

The menu is also pretty fast compared to DirectTV units I've seen, and it runs laps around the old ReplayTV service I had - that was slow as hell though.

All in all, I've been pretty pleased so far - and it is nice to have my idiot box back. Perhaps when we get a new house, I'll cough up $4 for the month and we'll have a karaoke party like nobody's business!

The real reason I haven't posted for a while

I've been staging a silent protest until Ian reviews "Stick It" for The Sobering Conclusion. My key failing with this plan, however, was to not inform anyone of the silent protest beforehand. This of course did nothing to help a review appear, and also caused me to have to break my own silent protest by writing this post to say I was staging a silent protest. As you can plainly see, I'm ruined. In conclusion, please review "Stick It" for The Sobering Conclusion.

Sincerely,
Jensen Dykelover

Let's have some quotes!

Well, I've recovered from my temporary Internet service blackout (and Internet laziness) to bring you these memorable quotations:

from tonight's Simpsons:

"You're a worse version of Hitler!"

"All I know is that no one's better than anyone and everyone's the best at everything."
"Not you - you're the worst!! Now get to poisonin' them squirrels!"

"You're as smart as any man! Sometimes when I'm with you, I feel like I'm doing it with a dude!"

"Well, at least I can cuddle with the dog - everyone knows I'm smarter than you!"
(cut to Homer sleeping in the dog house) "Oh, how did this happen??"

"CHAIR FIGHT!!!"


from tonight's American Dad:

"forgive my unusually thick tongue"

"he's so cool and popular, you forget he's Asian!"


from last weekend's Josh playing F-Zero GX at my house and commenting on the character "Octoman":

"if I had that many arms, I'd at least wish for another penis!"


Alias seems like a shitty show. They play the same shitty techno song in every scene. I'd suggest they use the "Eternal Champion" theme instead, but why waste it on a shitty show. Ken, sorry about your cable - mine still comes in. Wii will rock you. Pass me some of that Santa Maria BBQ.

New favorite photo?

I was looking for some information about Santa Maria style barbecue and ran across this little gem. After looking at this photo carefully, I noticed Grandma has tongs and some tupperware, so far so good. But the guy has what appears to be a bomb detonator and the kid is holding some wood and a friggin' hammer! What kind of barbecue is this?

And to top it off, the location looks like the outskirts of the Katrina disaster zone. I simply love it. Maybe these are the folks Nintendo is marketing the WII to (Wickidly Idiotic Innovation).

Someone fire the Nintendo Marketing Department

In case you don't look at IGN, the Nintendo Revolution has been renamed the Wii (pronounced WEE). I personally don't understand it myself, in the pantheon of console names, this has to be the lamest. Granted 'Revolution' was no INTELLIVISION, but even ATARI JAGUAR or NEO GEO sounds cooler than Wii. It would have been better just call it 'The Mario Machine.'

Comcast calls check, I call CHECKMATE!

Ever since I moved into my house in November of 2003, I have been blessed with the magic of basic cable - without bills! We moved in, there was cable. I said to myself "well, when Comcast figures it out, then I won't have cable, it's their move". Two and a half years later, I'm looking to sell my house. So I'm looking at, ideally, maybe a month or two left in this house. BAM. There's a Comcast flyer on the door telling me to 'take advantage of the limited time offer'. The offer that isn't listed on the door hanger? Turn on the TV: BAM no cable! So close. I was almost out of the house and home free, so to speak. But now Comcast has roped me in. I am missing my favorite shows. I missed the episode of House that Kevin said promised a House vs. God showdown. So I guess I'll have to break down and buy cable, I say.

http://www.comcast.com

$60/mo for STANDARD CABLE?!?!!?

I am now a loyal Dish Network customer. ;) F U Comcast. (Oh, but thanks for the 2 years of free cable) :D

I continue to slave over a hot internet host.

I continue to waste idle time working on web crizzle. If you haven't stopped by these sites, be sure to:

http://wiki.userhostilesoftware.com (a wiki site, all kinds of crap in this puppy, great for wasting massive amounts of time)

http://photos.userhostilesoftware.com (you can sign up and post pictures here)

http://blog.userhostilesoftware.com (blog in progress, I am still tinkering with it)

I call shennanigans

This whole fad is obviously bogus. To prove it I used this mugshot of Stone Cold Steve Austin. AS Ken can tell you, it is obviously him. Look at the beady little eyes, the sloping forehead, and the goatee. Running this through the program did NOT return Stone Cold as a match, although he is more famous than any soccer star or arguably, Alec Baldwin. I think it just returns random famous photos.

Manipulating Posted Photos is Funner!

I found out about this site that allows you to compare people's photos with celebrities. I used the one Ken just put up and here are the results ...

Versus Men: http://www.play-analogia.com/cgi-bin/index/k/?ks=9Id9pfcCUY8545BKItamu06nKv8j6aGzOi7Qe7Bk

Versus Women: http://www.play-analogia.com/cgi-bin/index/k/?ks=C4Tp0V1kOTDOaL7vfkj3VdmzwEqYxjxmDHjoQZ3y

I think we see where this is headed ... everyone do someone else! (And yes, you can put up a photo of just about ANYTHING and see what happens ... for example, this picture of a lemon turned into a battery gives us: http://www.play-analogia.com/cgi-bin/index/k/?ks=TSCMSPUxbNrA3nNxzhxp3UxyyAlVKjTjlKCq3UtZ)

And supposedly the results only stay up for 48 hours or so, time is of the essence in viewing these marvelous results!