Year 5 Post Statistics

"Too much stuff, and not enough stuff!!" *PYRO*

This post emanates LIVE from the UGIJF branch office in Chicago, where we've worked non-stop for the last 4 minutes to bring you the ultimate results from the half-decade mark! There were 55 total posts, which is 999,945 short of our goal of one million. Here's how it all beaks down:

19 - That's gotta be KEN!!
17 - Surgio Salerno
14 - Heartbreak Kev
5 - E.N. Forbes (he's in your mom)
0 - Diggity Dan


Fucking shit, I thought I had you guys. I TRIED SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!

Full Force Hits 33

Congrats dude! You've reached another palindromic age plateau. :) Do yourself a favor and have someone treat you to a showing of "Kick-Ass". I'll let the others add some imagery and debauchery.

I am not sure what to make of this...

MAGIC EVERYWHERE IN THIS BITCH!

Another Post!

This should make you laugh!!!

Green Light that SH*T!!!

Bloodsport: The Band

Who better than Kanyon?!

Everyone who is currently NOT dead.

LOOK AT THIS FIRST!

Video Game Programmers are a holes.

LOOK AT THIS!

Credit Weekly World News.

SOMEONE POST SOMETHING FOR CHRISTSAKES!!!!!

Or Kevin, join Facebook.



That is all.

Blogger Profiles: Upgrayedd

Real Name: Definitely Dan

Age: of Aquarius

Sex: In a Burger King bathroom

Location: Around the way

Likes: Money, women, cars, power, money

Dislikes: Kittens, Things that make you say 'hmmmm'

Favorite Sports Team: Milwaukee Beers

Favorite "Forbes": Tickle Me Forbes.

Favorite Posse Moments: Stopping the Internet with a piece of paper, Voltron commentary, Mattress Wars

Worst College Moments: The times I had to pause my video game and/or put down a beer and go to class

Goals in Life: To bring sexy back

Movie that defines my life: Rad

Twix or Kit Kat?: Skat Kat

Duane Bickett / Marshall from How I Met Your Mother

Separated at birth???

edit by Full Force - I think you need to add some Bruce Campbell into the mix. See below. Possible new names for this guy: Bruce Bickett, MarshCampball, Duane Ash (Duash?)

KEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

THIRTY-THREE YEARS OF NIZUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blogger Profile: General Anacock

Real Name: NOT Kevin

Age: Size + 2

Sex: Yes please.

Location: on the off ramp, waiting to clean off your windshield with my urine.

Likes: to move it move it

Dislikes: Kevin Hurley, Josh Jones, Ian Forbes, Dan Bowers, Duane Bickett

Favorite Sports Team: The Chicago one that doesn't suck.

Favorite "Forbes": Sleepy Grampa Forbes in his recliner.

Favorite Posse Moments: Writing some of the greatest songs never published, our absurd ritual send off for Ethan, Creating this blog.

Worst College Moments: they all involved drinking heavily and regretting it, but recently I recalled 'Long Island Iced Tea' night. Ugh.

Goals in Life: to be the best....around......nothin's ever gonna get me down!

Movie that defines my life: The Big Lebowski

Twix or Kit Kat?: Fuck You. Reeses FTW.

Blogger Profiles: Full Force

Real Name: different than Ken's

Age: younger than Ken

Sex:

Location: All up in yo' shit.

Likes: rejecting the null hypothesis, parties, not playing the horn

Dislikes: a balanced breakfast, huge pectoral muscles, playing the horn

Favorite Sports Team: Tactical Chunder

Favorite "Forbes": Ian Velociraptor Forbes

Favorite Posse Moments: "Mortal Kombatting" the wellness floor, the Purdue 3 road trip & video, calling into WRBU

Worst College Moments: the aftermath of the "Hero of the Day" party, "Hell at the Bell" never happening

Goals in Life: to be nobody's lunch!

Movie that defines my life: My Algonquin

Twix or Kit Kat?: Close, but Kit Kat.

It took 9 months, but it finally went viral...

My weatherman is the shizz. If you remember I posted about this guy 9 months ago. Go ahead...go back in time and check it out.

And now...Direct from the Yahoo! Homepage...

My Superbowl Pick

This year's Super Bowl seems to be a contest between one's head and one's heart. Your brain knows that Peyton Manning is the second coming of Joe Montana, and possibly the greatest QB to ever put on whatever pants QB's wear. But your heart knows that the Saints are hungry for a Superbowl win to unite their previously submerged city, and it yearns to see a happy ending to an uplifting story of redemption. The Colts are boring, cold, and clinical. The Saints are alive, mixing up their offensive gameplan.

Well, the Colts don't fucking care. The fact is, as nice as you are, you are standing between a Manning and a trophy, and you goin to get messed up. Plus, I am from Indy. REPRESENT!

Colts 59 (They score 7 touchdowns and successfully attempt the 2 point conversion on all of them plus one FG for old man Stover).

Saints 9 (3 FG's)

NOW who do I draft at QB next year??

Warner retires after 12-year NFL career

Did we peak too early?

So, this band called .357 Lover made a song about Event Horizon ... which made me wonder if we went to college 10 years later, would "Tasty Wheat" have made it to YouTube? ... which reminded me that I was playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and ran across a guy whose PSN gamer tag was Whiskey Dick, though he thought I was making fun of him every time I said "Ohhh, Whiskey Dick!", which was a lot of times.

Next up on IMPACT: Scott Hall eats himself!!!

Anyone else see this lame attempt by TNA to bring up the ratings? They're basically showcasing talent that is 25 years past their prime (Nash, Hall, Hogan, Flair - even Foley), meanwhile saying 'oh yeah, and here are our regular wrestlers, they're here too. They even ditched the 6 sided ring to accommodate Hogan. Granted, WWE is no longer up to par in terms of entertainment value, but these wrestlers that TNA is bringing in are really, really, really old this time. It's not just Ric Flair circa 2000 old, or Hogan circa post-80's old. But anyways, I'm just hoping that Fat Razor Ramon makes it into the next TNA game. If not, we can build him. We have the hilarity.