New Manager On Duty: Fat Spiderman

Don Imus is out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

Ctrl+R if you don't see Fat Spidey.

Wrap up of Dan's final undergraduate college experience:

And the Rod of Ruin AWARD of EXCELLENCE for MOST BORING CLASS GOES TO:
Auditing, although I never attended it enough to know if the classes I missed were also boring.

Honorable mention: International Business

for FUNNIEST MOMENT IN CLASS GOES TO:
The weird kid next to me in my meteorology class who in the middle of a test said to me, "this is a good test".

Honorable mention: my horse is a secret horse

for MOST DIFFICULT CLASS TO PASS GOES TO:

Financial Reporting II, which one person I knew took 3 times to pass.

Honorable mention: Financial Reporting I and III

for HOTTEST GIRL ON CAMPUS GOES TO:
A girl named Megan from Carmel, Indiana. She was a brunette and although short undoubtedly hot.

Honorable mention: Maria R., The Alpha Delta Pi sorority, and Josh's sister

for WORST MOMENT IN A CLASSROOM SETTING GOES TO:
Daphne who during our presentation in taxation decided she didn't want to talk which made for an uncomfortably long pause. What a whore.

Honorable mention: Any time I was called on because I am old.

for STUPIDEST EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE TO CLASS GOES TO:
Rod of Ruin for saying there was an accident outside of Del Taco.

Honorable mention: for never attending class at Bradley

for the MOST AWKWARD MOMENT WITH A GIRL GOES TO:
The girl who worked the register in the cafeteria who was surprised I was married and inferred she wanted some poontang.

Honorable mention: all the other times girls were surprised I was married.


MY HORSE IS A SECRET HORSE BLAU.

Oh boy ...

I was doing some research at work for the gift shop and check out "Jocko" the jockey, he's the second one down ... anyone see a possible problem with that guy?

http://www.lawnjockey.com/

Oh, and scroll all the way down to the bottom ... I can barely contain myself ... wow ... I mean ... wow.

Great shirts....

If you've never visited Shirt*A*Day before, be sure to check it out. Every day they throw up a new shirt to buy. I thought today's was pretty good:

The Best of Year 2

YOU ALL BOUGHT IT!!! I was assembling a "Best-of-Year-2" post ALL ALONG!! Which means I threw it together in sections while I was either eating dinner or up at 2am... and as I bathed in the memories of BY07 (Blog Year 07), I determined the following posts have brought the most glory to Diablo:

Fun with Google - Fun with Comments!

New Post - Business briefings, UHS style.

More digging in the archives reveals: - Notes from the Internet Wayback Machine days.

It's Out of Control!!! - The state of women's sunglasses, and possible post tampering??

SMB3 beaten in 11 minutes... - Shock and awe... the Pallate Jack novella, my favorite Year 2 post. Josh ties it up with a twist ending that manages to be equal parts hilarious and awful.

Name Dan's Football Team - Anything where we think up lists of names is automatically good.

I've got something for Dave Navarro - It took Josh three days straight of eating a balanced breakfast to pry this gem loose from his soul.

Finally... - Sometimes the simplest posts are the best. That's not the case here, but sometimes they are.

Ask the General - General Anacock tells you what to do and shows you how to live. Bow down when he comes to your town!


I'd also like to nominate Ken's short film "Wish It Was Friday" for Year 2 Best Picture. I'd write more, but it's time to poop. Enjoy with amore!

Do you guys want to go to my graduation?

Seeing as most of you graduated, well whenever it was 10 years ago I thought maybe you'd want to come down on the 19th and watch me walk for the first time since I graduated highschool in 1995.

Ken, congratulations on your kid. I'm sorry it was a girl and I hope the wife didn't get too big. My wife wants a kid bad. Can she have yours? No seriously thats awesome. A little Kennibble. Do you mind if I refer to you as 'kenny' from southpark? So Kevin and I can call you poor and make fun of you? Seriously though, congrats on the family. I hope you are getting sleep.

And to my dear friend Kevin, I miss you. My cellphone broke two months ago and I lost your number. And Ken's. And Ian's. I lost everyones number. But I imagine you are still gainfully employed doing whatever it is you do on those lonely, cold Amsterdam nights.

And to Josh. My first and only one of two college roommates. You make up 50% of what it was like to live with me in college. The other troll Kroll was a choad. I didn't know what I had, till it was goooonnnnee. May your hot sister remain hot in my mind forever.

And to Ian. What can I say. You travel the lengths of the earth to see your friends, and those dipshits in Chicago won't even visit me when I drive halfway to Peoria. We could all learn a lesson from you, like how not to pee for days at a time.

And to M.I.L.O. You were weird. You were great. You had long hair. You reminded me a lot of the dude from X-files who was really smart. I have nothing more to say.

And to H.O.G. Our second acronym friend. You hated my mustang even though I didn't really like cars or care that you cared so much. You often talked of Mopars and Hemis while Ken fantasized about his roommate. You impressed the gods with your mullet and would scare small children with a look. You don't know this but, when I first met you I hid in the closet for days. Now I have you to thank for sex photos. And an occasional phi sig.

And with a whimper I study for my finals.

I webbed you....that means you get the apartment!

As much as I hate Comcast, I can't help but laugh every time I see this commercial. It's just the subtlety of the thing that gets me...

Linky

Year 2 post statistics

The post that's right now all up in your grill contains the summation of all that was in Underground G.I. Joe Fort: Year 2. Down but not out, we saw nearly 2/3 less activity than in our Freshman year here - 113 posts vs. 300 posts. Regrettably, we did not make 300 posts this year so you'll all have to do without a timely reference to the glory of Sparta. Here's how it happened:

General AnaKen: 34 posts (30%)
Hungry Hank: 34 posts (30%)
Powers Urge: 28 posts (25%)
Full Force: 12 posts (10.6%)
Rodo: 5 posts (4.4%)

...which is basically the same way these numbers looked last year, except that I now realize Josh has a pretty awesome alternate name if you just move the space over. Anyway, here's to the start of a splendid Junior year... could it mean the return of Dan (to the blog)?? Will Hell at the Bell FINALLY happen!?? Will I post a "Best Of Year 2" entry in the near future??? Probably not, but tune in anyway!

The Joy of Being Single and Childless

Need I say any more?

The Joys of Parenthood

For those that may not know, I became a daddy on April 15th. (hence my absence) Sofia Margaret Lombard, 7lbs 2oz, 18.5 inches long.

I've been spending the past two weeks at home deprived of sleep any cleaning up various baby secretions! But I have to say, it's good to know my bait and tackle works. ;)

Now, I feel compelled to warn and educate you all in advance, should you choose (or accidentally) become a parent. If so, you can look forward to this:

"WANT SOME MUSTARD?!?" (Sorry, I have to post this since all I could think about was that quote...)

This is most likely NOT safe for work! So browse at your own peril!

Enjoy. :D

For more tasteful pictures, see : http://www.lombardclan.org

Happy Birthday, Kevin!

Welcome to the third decade of your life!

I went to YouTube to find something funny and this was the first thing that made me laugh ... though it has nothing to do with birthdays ... or being 30 ... or people named Kevin ... but it's funny!

PROBABLY NOT SAFE FOR WORK

It's the Simple Things

Sure, it looks staged but this was made funnier as this was the first comment I saw about this YouTube post:

"What was she thinking? Leaving the kitchen like that."

Click Here

Also, this video from Will Ferrell and his own 4 year old daughter is pretty funny.

No Retreat, The Condemned!

Interesting. I think many of us will recall always laughing at Jean Claude's character in NRNS being billed as 'Ivan, The Russian'. Well, in that fine tradition I ask that you peek at this website to see the character billing for Stone Cold's new crapfest. It's eerily similar.

Your Weekly WTF?!?!

Happy Birthday Ian!

In addition to being a great friend and a responsible driver, he has delighted men of all faiths with his film reviews and fathered thousands across his homeland. Two words... you know 'em, I know 'em... Hungry Hank. As such, appropriate birthday wishes can only be made with the help of a little divine intervention!! Happy Birthday!!

It's Baaaacck!

The Sobering Conclusion lives!

The site has been moved to www.soberingconclusion.com

Learn it, live it, love it!

One thing I do need to know from all of you is what screenname you would want as I do occassionally get reviews from you guys. Right now, I've gone with PowerSurgeon, Full Force & Blumeany . (Dan, if you wanted to write up something, let me know).

Anywho, the site is still under construction and much tweaking will be done over the next few weeks but if you want to see what I've been up to ... click the link above.

Probably the biggest downside so far is that all of the great comments you guys made didn't transfer over. But feel free to make new ones and to let me know what kinds of things you'd like to see.

Polls are already in the works, so don't worry about that. And I've adjusted the link on this blog to go to the new site.

In case you missed this ...

I guess dating Ryan Reynolds rubbed off a little comedy on Alanis. This parody of the Black Eyed Peas is pretty good. Check it out if you haven't already.

Lovely Lady Lumps

Check This Out

This is one of the weirdest f'n sites you'll ever see. Just play around with all the different selections. I laughed my ass off.

YOU'VE ALSO BEEN...

TO THE AUTO SHOW!!!!!!

Where have I been...

1. Vacationing in Guantanamo Bay.
2. Collecting Souls.
3. Crushing Puppies.
4. Rocking Out With Pacman Jones.
5. Licking Alec Baldwins' Chin.
6. Staring at Tina Fey's weird face scar.
7. Waiting for Dan's hilarious post he's working on.
8. Mocking the homeless.
9. Pooping in your cereal.
10. Laughing at you eating said poop, grimacing, eating more.