By now you've all noticed - during your frequent trips to the site to kill some time at work and/or watch "The Dark Knight" trailer for the 200th time - that various "Plot Keywords" are now listed along with a movie's summary information on IMDb. So by now you've also noted that the keywords associated with each film are often completely irrelevant and make about as much sense as a Freshman-year C++ lecture. I know you're going to take my word for it, but that's still not enough to stop me from providing the following examples, live off the floor.
The keywords are basically terrible across the board, but for the purposes of this exercise I just picked 5-6 movies that I'm almost positive everyone here has seen, so you can see how ridiculous it gets. The keywords listed after each movie title all appear on the movie's splash page, in the order presented here:
Pulp Fiction
Long Take | Muzzle | Homage | Taxicab | Garden Hose
Ah yes... all staples of the decade of crime cinema that followed.
Gladiator
No Opening Credits | Scene Based On Painting | Historical | Famous Score | Altered Version Of Studio Logo
There's a movie after the title and opening theme, in case you weren't sure.
Predator
Spanish Language Usage | Oldies | Disturbing | Necktie | Infrared Vision
"Rated R for Partial Nudity, Intense Violence and Strong Spanish".
The Goonies
Blender | Group Vomit | Lifting Person In Air | Bullet Hole | Toupee
I don't remember any of these things happening or being in Goonies. "Sloth", "Pirate Ship", "Panty Shot" - yes. These - no. Unless there's an alternate version that features Ermac from Mortal Kombat and Clasrk Griswold's dad from Christmas Vacation, directed by John Woo. Is there such a version?
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Mangina | Gross Out Comedy | Landlord | Bullet Catching | Squirrel
Yes, on the site you can actually click on that first keyword and, I guess, find more movies that feature the same concept. I didn't.
Batman Begins
Threesome | Bra Less | Secretary | Monorail | Pearl Necklace
Aside from the fourth one, WHAT????
My Algonquin
Threesome | Bra Less | Secretary | Monorail | Pearl Necklace
or
Janitor Closet | Undead Pimp | Revisionist History | Steam Engine | Atrocity
That Pearl Necklace tag is useless. None of these movies here contain any scenes where a man ejaculates so copiously into a womans mouth that it drips down her chin and onto her breasts.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am Mike Terry, I disapprove of this message.
I always thought that the requirements for this were fulfilled as long as you simply "touched down" around her neck and chest... I didn't think it had to result from an overflow caused by filling her mouth up past capacity. That just seems, I don't know... unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteHowever, further research of expert publications in the field (i.e. the lyrics to ZZ Top's classic "Pearl Necklace") don't give any indication either way.
I'm with Full Force on the definition of a Pearl Necklace ... that aside, were you thinking that a blender, group vomit, Lifting Person In Air, Bullet Hole, Toupee were NOT in Goonies?
ReplyDeleteAll of them were:
1) The Fratellis threaten to stick Chunk's hand in a blender so he will tell them where the others went.
2) Chunk relates a story about faking to vomit at a movie theater and everyone there starting vomiting as a result.
3) Sloth lifts a few people into the air
4) There are bullet holes put into the ORV that the Fratellis used to escape from prison
5) Francis Fratelli (Joey Pants) wears a toupee
My Goonie knowledge is UNDENIABLE!!!
Also, 'Past Capacity' is an album title.
ReplyDeleteThat was a Vulgar Display of Goonies Knowledge!!! I bow to you splendidly!
ReplyDeleteI feel a little better knowing the system's not completely crazy.
Chunk's favorite ice cream? You got me there! But only because that specific information is never divulged and all of my phone calls to the screenwriters were never returned.
ReplyDeleteUsing his keen sense of smell (through a door in a basement), Chunk discovers a load of Swensen's ice cream in the stand-up freezer with the dead body. He finds many flavors of ice cream (the one that sticks out in my head is Chocolate Eruption) but never says any are his favorite.
Once he and Sloth escape, Sloth raids the freezer and offers Rocky Road to Chunk but that's the end of it.
I appreciate your try to trick me but it comes to no avail. I'm a Goonie through and through.