Dear Hungry Hank,
I thought you were hungry. Hungry for action. Hungry for solid writing. Hungry for a character you could root for.
Instead I find out you are hungry for more Tim Allen.
Well, sorry to disappoint you. The fact is I killed Tim Allen and threw him in the river. Because no one has ever said on their deathbed "I wish I wouldn't have missed the season finale of Home Improvement." (Not even Tim Allen). So you see, there was a confrontation, but it would have been dishonorable to film what I did to him, much less distribute it to 100 movie screens across this great nation. That's why he disappeared halfway through the movie.
And then you inject yourself into the dynamics of my marriage. That kind of crosses the line. I didn't confront my wife because I was scared. Not of her mind you, but scared of my own raw animal power. I mean, I am a lethal weapon. Did you see what I did to that MMA dude? Fucked his shit right up is what I did. But what do you care...you wanted to see me confront Tim Allen and my wife. Yeah-THAT would have been a fair fight. Believe me, my wife is gonna pay, and pay in the worst way-CBC style. But I couldn't film that either without pushing the rating beyond an R. And I want people to see my film. Because despite what you say, it's good.
I'm Mike Terry and I approve this message.
I thought you were hungry. Hungry for action. Hungry for solid writing. Hungry for a character you could root for.
Instead I find out you are hungry for more Tim Allen.
Well, sorry to disappoint you. The fact is I killed Tim Allen and threw him in the river. Because no one has ever said on their deathbed "I wish I wouldn't have missed the season finale of Home Improvement." (Not even Tim Allen). So you see, there was a confrontation, but it would have been dishonorable to film what I did to him, much less distribute it to 100 movie screens across this great nation. That's why he disappeared halfway through the movie.
And then you inject yourself into the dynamics of my marriage. That kind of crosses the line. I didn't confront my wife because I was scared. Not of her mind you, but scared of my own raw animal power. I mean, I am a lethal weapon. Did you see what I did to that MMA dude? Fucked his shit right up is what I did. But what do you care...you wanted to see me confront Tim Allen and my wife. Yeah-THAT would have been a fair fight. Believe me, my wife is gonna pay, and pay in the worst way-CBC style. But I couldn't film that either without pushing the rating beyond an R. And I want people to see my film. Because despite what you say, it's good.
I'm Mike Terry and I approve this message.
As Hungry Hank's official spokesperson and Gatorade buyer, I'd like to respond to one Mr. Mike Terry.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, suck it. Suck it long ... and suck it hard.
Second, there are almost so many problems with the film that my mind wants to shut down before I can put them to paper.
From the lack of following sub-plots, to the lack of conflict (meant both physically and in the more general sense of resolving problems that arise in the film)to what ends up being the most random belt giving extravaganza at the end, first by the fighter who knew everything was fixed, then by the "Professor" who probably didn't but felt like handing off his belt anyway to the random dude who beat up security guards and the main event competitor ... all to get to the ring to bring down the mic to tell people the fight was staged and had no honor ... apparently ... I say apparently because you have to infer that's what he was doing because after he gets all choked up about getting free belts, he never does anything about the mic that some idiot in the back lowered into the ring ... again for no good reason, because for all that guy knows, the dude in the ring is just some roided out a-hole who beat up a bunch of people to get into the ring and sing "Oh, Canada".
I hope the paraphrasing of Hungry Hank's message makes his point a little clearer now.
In all seriousness, though Surge. This is just one of those films that didn't work for me. I have high expectations for Mamet and felt this veered off the beat and path.
ReplyDeleteNow, I fully realize I'm in a critics' minority on this as most people are applauding his attempt at presenting a film about honor and doing what's right.
I just thought it failed at doing so overall and left far too many things on the table. Like wine, everyone has their own taste and I'm glad that you (and many other people)liked the film. My opinion is just that ... an opinion.
I am who I am. Deal with it. :)
P.S. San Dimas High School Football rules!
I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
ReplyDeleteNice marmot.
Ok, I admit the ending kind of went off the rails. But I HAD to beat somebody up. It's like an Al Pacino movie where he doesn't yell and shoot someone. What's the point?
ReplyDeleteI'm Mike Terry and I approve this message.
All of you are wrong. About everything.
ReplyDeleteLOUD NOISES!
ReplyDeleteIn all seriousness (see this? this is my serious face), I enjoyed the movie up until the end where security just sort of lost interest in Mr. Terry and everyone started handing him belts. It was like they had to go out of their way to counterbalance the lack of honor displayed by almost ever other character throughout the rest of the movie by backing a dumptruck full of honor up to your door in the last 5 minutes. "You want honor? Here, have some honor. Have LOTS OF HONOR!!"
ReplyDeleteThe Japanese fighter respects that Terry beats up his crooked opponent and gives him his gold prize belt out of honor?
Then, once Terry makes it to the ring, the master just walks up to him and confers a red belt - an honorary designation as master of an art and leader of an entire school - to him without a word?
Actually, I'm okay with both those things. What I didn't get was that we were never shown how either of those two characters had any idea what Terry was fighting for, who he was or where he'd been. All they did was see him bust up security and end up fighting the one dude in the aisle. They had no idea what motivated his actions... he could have been just some lunatic off the street. Without that context, the whole thing seemed to reconcile itself in a very awkward and rushed fashion. Maybe that was intentional, but it stood out to me since the rest of it seemed very precise.
Ah well, overall I enjoyed the film. Hank, you would have liked this more if had you seen it with us, since you would have gotten bonus material... like the 5-minute scene where I taught Josh to pronounce "Chiwetel Ejiofor".
If you were Mike Terry, you'd approve this message.
I'm just glad RJ from 'No Retreat, No Surrender' grew up to become such a master of the martial arts. We always knew he had the atheleticism, with all his 'wicked fly' dance moves. I just wonder what happened to his buddy Jason and his dad. I hope his Dad's leg is feeling better.
ReplyDeleteChew-it-tell edge-o-for
ReplyDeleteChe-tel Ej-I-O-for?
ReplyDelete