2006 - a weak year for movies?

At least that's the way it looked tonight, when I repeated my annual tradition of forgetting the Golden Globe awards were on, then flipping past the Golden Globe awards and going, "oh, shit, the Golden Globe awards are on." I mean, Dreamgirls? The Devil Wears Prada? Borat? Would these have even made the top ten most years? Can we just subtitle the 2007 Oscars, "Yes, We're Giving Scorsese 'Best Director'" and skip the telecast? Sober me with your conclusions.

Hans Hans Hans

New Year's Assignments

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First post, bitches!

Anyway, it's time to get to work in a new year of new fear. Following are the operations for which you're responsible in ought-seven... if you don't like your assignment, well, just imagine me saying "Sorry, Snake" in the Colonel voice:

Hank: Enforce 22-hour "quiet hours" in your complex. Then "Play It Loud" during those hours. If confronted by a resident, scream "PARADOX!!!" directly into their face. In addition, write, finance, star in, direct, edit, produce and review a short film called "Don't Burn Yo' Bisquick!".

Surgeon: Join the Fantasy Football league in September, and upon completion of the draft immediately change your name to "I quit" and release all your players. Also, bring back photographic evidence of the recent sighting which has raised the long-dormat Sasquatch Alert to Orange!

Zombie: Create your own mission which prominently features any two of these acts: 1) locating Hammer, 2) yelling at old people, 3) attempting to engage in on-field coitus with a minor league baseball team mascot while dressed as that mascot, 4) shitting in a toolbox.

Rod: Demand that a sequel to Multi-Racing Championship be developed for the Nintendo Wii. Perfect a nunchuck-controller technique which allows you to strike quickly and accurately at another player's crotch.


That's it... post your comments. Slow at first, then faster.

GO!!

{S goodbye.wav

2007 is coming ...

Is it possible to rock as much as this guy? Though I'm wondering if he's missing a finger on his right hand ... or if he isn't so much trying to rock but rather raise a monster from the ocean floor to destory Greenland ... or maybe it's a Michael Stipe lookalike contest ... oh, whatever, just drink!

Beating Dan To The Punch

NOW *THIS* IS FUNNY.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS Y'ALL!

I got something brewing...

I think I'm writing something funny for the blog here for Christmas but I'm not done yet. Let me finish finals and check back for some humour in a few days.

Before our account gets deleted ...

Since I just had the experience of hotmail dumping all my mail from the last 10 years because I don't use that account much and forgot to log in for the last 30 days, it prompted me to log in and put up a new post here.

Not much new going on out in SD but since The Sobering Conclusion is gone, I suppose I'll go back to just putting a quick piece here about what I've seen.


"Casino Royale" was a disappointment in my mind. It has the worst opening credits sequence of any Bond film, I thought the action was light with only one very good scene and the story meanders the last 30-45 minutes of the 2 & 1/2 hour film. I'd give it a 3 out of 5. I like Craig as Bond and the series has potential, but it needs a better script.

"For Your Consideration" is better than critics are giving it. While not a true mockumentary like his past films ("Best in Show", "A Mighty Wind", etc.), this Christopher Guest vehicle is consistently funny and if you liked his previous films, this is a good one to at least catch on video. The Ricky Gervais cameo could have been funnier but it's still pretty good. A 3 out of 5.

Wow ... if I can figure out how to condense everything to these paragraph answers ... crap, I'm regretting killing my site already. :)

I hate democrats...

Have a nice day!

Finally ...

Another movie has managed perhaps the most elusive rating ... check it out at The Sobering Conclusion.

And then stay far, far, FAR away from that "movie".

Ghouls make great pets!

Well, I haven't posted in a while so I thought I'd do an update on life on the Best Coast.

I'm still working at the horsey place and the cinematic experience (no names of companies for fear of lawsuit and ninja death).

The weather here is okay, been a bit chilly lately, down in the 60s ... but I have a jacket or two so everything as good as can be there.

I'm trying to keep up with movies for The Sobering Conclusion but I'm running into two problems. One, I work a metric butt-ton a week. Second, I'm starting to get complacent.

I may end up calling it quits soon ... maybe after the awards season ... maybe before. It depends on my apathy. I had a hell of a time getting the last two up on the site, just finding time to type it up was hard enough.

Maybe I'll snap out of it. Whatever ...

I need to find my absentee ballot so I can try to re-elect Schwarzenegger. Keep it real, dudes. And holla back at your boy! I think it's time we update the group on the group.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Get your UHS email accounts via Gmail

Gmail offers a new service where if you own a domain name you can get email set up through gmail using that domain name. I set it up for userhostilesoftware.com. So, if anyone wants a UHS email addy, send me a line @ ken.lombard@userhostilesoftware.com. I'll have to set you up with an account, unfortunately you can't DIY. BUT, on the bright side, since it's my domain, you can pick any name@userhostilesoftware.com you want. The sky's the limit. Enjoy.

I got your Answer...your Yahoo! Answer

I have recently found a most entertaining way to kill time while not fretting about fantasy football. It is called YAHOO! Anwers, and it must be the most entertaining site on the net. Where else can you answer questions such as:

-Who would win in a fight...the stingray that killed Steve Irwin, or the building that killed Corey Lidle?

-Is Jesus stupid? Why did he talk like Hamlet?

-Can I get fat from eating too much sperm?

I only wish I could make up stuff as good as this. Check it out at Yahoo.com

Dorito?

Nice editing on the previous post. Where the hell are you guys? Are all of you in the month long gay pride parade in Chi town or what?

Nothing new in the lou just working on getting a jobby job.

PEACE.

Brandon Routh and Anne Hathaway

For a while now, I have held the opinion that Brandon Routh and Anne Hathaway look alike. To illustrate my point, I have turned to the aide of photographic evidence.

First, Here is a picture of the guy who played Superman, Brandon Routh:

That's a handsome man.

Next, I present a picture that is the singularly greatest photograph in the history of mankind. In fact, I believe this is the very reason photography was invented in the first place:

There's a lot that goes into making a photograph THAT good. Of course the photographer, but also consider the light, the shirt maker, and her parents.

Back to the subject, I realize this is hard (as in difficult), but we aren't comparing their firm, perky and oh-so-suckable bosoms here. Look at their faces. Their pretty much the same, right?

Misogynistic Word Of The Day

A Movie Review: THE PROTECTOR

Ahhh......Tony Jaa. A simple man who makes simple movies. The basic plotline for all of his movies seems to be this: Tony is the protector of X. X gets stolen by some fashion challenged gangsters. Tony Jaa implements his simple method of conflict resolution: Kicking Everybody's ass until he either gets X back or is himself dead. Did these people whose asses are kicked have anything to do with X disappearing? Who knows? But if you are looking for social commentary or deeper meaning don't look to Tony Jaa. I mean, he can't speak English, but he has the nerve to come to our country and beat up our thugs?

Anyway, THE PROTECTOR is pretty much a film length version of Tony Jaa using Muay Thai to Elbow, Knee, and Kick entire armies of goons into submission. The X in this case is an elephant. The elephant is kidnapped. Tony Jaa needs to get it back. In between variously placed fight scenes, there is some kind of greasy film that is supposed to be a plot or character development or something. Let's just say this: I've seen better plots in films that would end up on your screen if you are foolish enough to leave Ken unattended in your hotel room.

But you didn't go to this movie to see plot or character development either. You want to see bad guys get their asses kicked. Well, this film delivers that in spades. In fact, the choreography is nothing short of insane. There is even like a 5 minute continuous shot that is eerily similar to this:

Yup. Fighting your way up a dojo level by level to get to an elusive boss. Like I said-No plot.

Anyway, I am sure Tony Jaa would be content to not have to kick the crap out of half of Australia if he didn't have to. Just give him his elephant back and he'll go away. But then the bad guys make an even bigger mistake. They make it personal. Before Tony was just beating people up. Now he is radioactive pissed. Needless to say it gets ugly. Real ugly. Nausea inducing ugly. Then Nathan Jones shows up and throws an elephant. That's waht you pay to see. **** out of 5.

Enough of the "Numb-chucks"

I have no idea why that link to the YOU TUBE Numb chucks is there. Please change it to something that makes sense, like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPRscxQZs8E

A Message for Josh ...

I don't know what this was about but ...

I found the movie title very interesting: http://imdb.com/title/tt0365350/