Freakonomics- Where Brock Lesnar answers My Question

LINK IN TITLE

I like to read the Freakonomics blog, and have been doing so ever since it was praised by another poster to this site. Often this site will approach minor celebrities and have normal internet surfers like you or me ask them questions, which they will then answer. Recently they approached the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar. I decided to ask him a question and surprisingly he DID answer it.

Try to guess which question I asked. I'll let you know soon. And don't try looking at the original post because I intentionally used a fake name. Suck it.

Hey! Metallica is still around!

NEW YORK (Billboard) - Metallica will release its first album in five years worldwide on Friday, September 12, the second time the rock band has broken with the industry's custom of a Monday or Tuesday street date.

A posting on Metallica's Web site, entitled "The Last Piece of the Puzzle," did not give a reason for the unusual release date for "Death Magnetic."

Albums are usually released on a Tuesday in the North America, where Metallica is signed to Warner Music, and a day earlier everywhere else. Universal handles the band internationally.

In a last-minute move Metallica's previous album, the commercial disappointment "St. Anger," was released a few days earlier than planned, ostensibly to combat piracy.

On Friday, Metallica shot a video near Los Angeles for first single "The Day That Never Comes." It was directed by drummer Lars Ulrich's Danish compatriot Thomas Vinterberg.

Metallica will be back on stage Saturday at Ozzfest in Dallas. At that gig, guitarist Kirk Hammett will join Slayer's Kerry King, Alice In Chains' Jerry Cantrell and Anthrax's Scott Ian in a tribute to late Pantera guitarist "Dimebag" Darrell Abbott, who was murdered on stage in Columbus, Ohio, in 2004.

Reuters/Billboard

The Commissionary Position - Volume 1 Issue 2

This year's sister league to our main gridiron endeavor is none other than the long-awaited Mistakes League, in which we celebrate the worst that on-field football has to offer. Gone are the days of agonizing over whether or not to take a QB in the first round, trying to figure out which rookie RBs will be the breakout stars or hoping the Defense you picked up is as good as it looks on paper.

Well, actually, you still have all those problems, just in reverse - now you get nowhere by picking players that are any good, and can only advance by coasting on the jet-streams of failure that propel the league's most hapless players into the spotlight of ridicule on various nationwide post-game radio and television shows.

In general, the only ways to earn points are through fumbles, interceptions, missed FGs and defensive incompetence. You've all received an invitation to this illustrious league, but here's the current scoring system for quick reference:

Offense:
Incomplete Passes (10)
Interceptions (300)
Sacks (100)
Fumbles (100)
Fumbles Lost (300)

Kicking:
Field Goals Missed 0-19 Yards (750)
Field Goals Missed 20-29 Yards (500)
Field Goals Missed 30-39 Yards (250)
Field Goals Missed 40-49 Yards (100)
Point After Attempt Missed (1000)

Defense:
Points Allowed 1-6 points (250)
Points Allowed 7-13 points (500)
Points Allowed 14-20 points (750)
Points Allowed 21-27 points (1000)
Points Allowed 28-34 points (1500)
Points Allowed 35+ points (2000)

Everything else is worth 0. Note that the "Sacks" category above is listed under "Offense", so I presume it's the number of points awarded (normally subtracted) if your QB goes down. It's not used in our main league, so I can't confirm. Also, this league is scored on points only... we don't play head-to-head games each week. Whoever can rack up the most terribleness by season's end will take the crown!

The draft time is set for Sunday, 8/31 at 2:30pm CST... that's an hour-and-a-half after the "real league" draft, which was as close together as I could make them. So join up (let me know if the invites don't arrive) and post your comments/thoughts/opinions on the scoring system... we may not have a full 8 teams for this one, but we'll see.

- Commissioner Chunder

The Commissionary Position - Volume 1 Issue 1

...requesting uplink...
...requesting uplink...
...requesting uplink...
...connected.

>sftp commish@tactical1
>connecting to tactical1 (10.12.240.666):
>commish password on tactical1:
tactical1:/> kill -15 `head -1 /etc/mail/sendmail.pid`
tactical1:/> broadcast.ksh


Dudes,
Since football season is closer than you probably think, I went in and made some updates to the FF league. Nothing drastic, but you'll find the changes detailed below... you can see all these in the "Recent Transactions" board our league's Yahoo site, but I figured this would be the best place to collect them and discuss as a group. Here they be:

League

1) Draft Time - Set for Saturday, August 30th at 1pm CST. Let me know as soon as you can if this is bad for you.

2) Playoffs - Playoffs?? Playoffs are now Weeks 15 & 16. I did this to avoid having the Super Bowl during the Week 17 wasteland... and also to have an even number matchups (you'll now play every team twice).

Points System

1) Defensive Point tiers - You'll now get a varying amount of points relative to how many your defense allows during the game... no more "all-or-nothing" scenarios that depend upon a shutout. A shutout is still worth 2000, but you can also earn the following:

1-6 points allowed: 1000
7-13 points allowed: 500
14-20 points allowed: 250

Then zero for 21+. There are categories for 21-27, 28-34 and 35+, but I didn't use them... though I like that we have the option, especially since it gave me an awesome idea for the Mistakes League!! This is my favorite update of the season and the one I feel we should keep through the ages. Do the above figures look OK to everyone?

2) Kickoff & Punt Return touchdowns - This wasn't checked by default, but I activated it and made it worth 600.

3) Bonus Offense - Just for fun I added a Level 2 bonus that's awarded if you have a QB who somehow manages to throw for 500 yards in a single game, or someone who rushes or receives for 300... all of which are worth 1000.

I also eliminated the bonus for Return Yards. Actual yardage and touchdowns are still worth the same amount as their rushing and receiving counterparts, but if you want to rack up bonuses at the WR slot you're going to have to play an actual WR. Sorry. :)

As a side note, Yahoo lets you specify up to three bonuses... so if we wanted we could increment these differently, or even decrease everything else and making the Level 3 bonus worth an absurd amount of points (the game-breaking nuclear play??).

Rosters

1) Flex spot - WR/RB is in. WR/TE is out.

2) That's it, really. Do we want any changes to the rosters? I'm not talking about the core mechanics (we'll keep 2 QBs, 2 RBs, 2 WRs, etc.), or even Mike & The Mechanics, but do we want to look into an additional flex spot or more bench room? I thought about increasing the latter from 8 to 10, but I don't want teams to start hoarding, like those people you sometimes see on the news who have like 300 cats.


Let me know what you all think... in the meantime, I'll be crafting a customary new Avatar for the coming mayhem.

- Commissioner Gordon


tactical1:/> exit

Hello?

I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
'Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you

The Dark Knight

From imdb.com, as of 2:20am CST, Sunday July 20th 2008:

Lewbowskifest 2008....In a word: balls!

So, in case anyone was curious, Lebowskifest DID HAPPEN. It ended up being me, Kevin Lange, Geoff, Flounder and Kevin's special lady friend Laurie. Words can't really explain the story as well as pictures. So enjoy the ones at the link above.

In the end I ended up winning a Liam autographed ball buffer for bowling a 172 (which is about 130 points off my average), which I summarily lost somewhere between the bowling party and the after party. Geoff ended up winning the 'Hardest Traveled' trophy due to making the event despite the fact he had surgery on his achilles earlier in the week. He had been training for a marathon when he ran over a broken bottle that had been left in the street. It flipped up and did some damage. Geoff spent the weekend with us rolling him around a la The Big Lebowski! Between Friday Night and the wee hours of Sunday, we consumed a horrendous amount of White Russians - including buying about 30 of them when they started selling them '2 for 1' at the end of the night - and having to polish them off/give them away within 5 minutes. Not to mention the two 1 gallon jugs of White Russians that the bar manager finally sold to us at the end of the night -after about two days of joking with them that we wanted to buy 'the jug'. All in all it was a good time. We checked out the comedian and the movie screening, which was fun. The bowling was fun too. We didn't catch most of the bands on the second day because it was just god awful warm outside. Although we did take part in some of the games, like the 'ringer toss' where you have to throw the bag of Walter's 'whites' over the car (from the driver's seat) and hit the Nihilist dummy that is standing there. All in all, it was a good time, and I'd recommend it to anyone with more than a passing fancy for the movie. Although I would say that the trip to Louisville is probably just a one-shot deal. I think from here on out I'll stick to the Chicago event - unless they have something really cool in terms of bands or entertainers in Louisville.

CHECK THIS OUT RIGHT NOW

Yup. It's the Watchmen Trailer. I am impressed.

.

Black Skittle

I found these lyrics as I was going through some old folders a couple weeks ago - they were written on a bar napkin, in case that tells you anything:

Black Skittle, the lottery you've won
Black Skittle, the flavor weighs a ton
Black Skittle, placed upon your tomb
Black Skittle, taste the rainbow - OF TOTAL FUCKING DOOM!!!

(go nuts)

Morphogenesis

this is Year Zero, all we know has died
the mutiny came so sudden, killing yesterday

thoughts that force discordance away, once more an era is fading
whatever dreams we're reaching to claim, decides the path we are taking

gone forever
we are done with worldviews mechanical
none shall ever
be a slave to thoughts inside their heads

mind is the master, morphogenesis
this structure remains untrodden, a new reality

bleeding through
all the spheres
all our thoughts
all our fears
gaining life
soul, mind, heart, feeding starts now
rising from
ashen dust
through our sins
karmic cost
measured souls
weigh our hearts, judge our thoughts, no

thoughts that force discordance away, once more an era is fading
whatever dreams we're reaching to claim, decides the path we are taking

gone forever
we are done with worldviews mechanical
none shall ever
be a slave to thoughts inside their heads


- Scar Symmetry, "Morphogenesis"

Send Barrack Your Baby

THIS is friggin' awesome.

NOT EVEN REMOTELY SAFE FOR WORK

If you've seen Way of the Gun ... this mash-up will seem very familiar ... and awesome ... mostly awesome ... but also familiar.

I've made it to the front page!

... of Google that is. I googled Hungry Hank and voila! ... I was the last link on the 1st page of links ... soon I will rule the world! ... or maybe I'll just get a slurpee and think about ruling the world ... either way ... good times!

How much Batman ass can Batman kick?

Here's the Answer.

HOLY CRAP!

They've discovered a sound that can make you poop your pants!

No work necessary on my part

The employees putting up the sign did all the heavy lifting ... wow, even that's suggestive. As pointed out on Joblo.com where I found this gem, the previous title to "Hancock" was "Tonight, He Comes" ... where the hell is the job to make suggestive titles and how do I get it???

Saving Money.....

So I usually check out fatwallet.com for good deals and occasionally financial advice. I came upon this particular thread that had people suggesting what they do to save money and be frugal. There were a bunch of funny suggestions, but I thought the one on the top of this page really took the cake:

LINK

BOING!!!!!!

It's weird to see how I'll be spending all my remaining vacation days this year.

Never too early....

Hello panthrosbulge,

Welcome to Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Football.

This is to confirm that you've created the Custom League named Reality Football and the team called The Austin Police in that league.

To allow other managers to join your league, send them the League ID# and Password. In your case, the ID# is 15176 and the Password is beerbrandbeer.

You have chosen for your league to take part in a live online draft on Sat Aug 23 10:00am PDT. Until that time, you (and only you) can change the type of draft by using the Change Draft Type option found among your Commissioner Tools, which can be reached from your League Overview page.

If you choose to remain in a live draft, please arrive at the draft 10 minutes ahead of the scheduled time. The draft will start promptly and may conclude rapidly if only a few managers are logged in.

We also suggest that all league members custom rank their players in case a manager can't make it to the draft. Managers can do this at any time by simply going to the Fantasy Football home page and clicking on their team name.

Thanks for joining. Good luck.

--Fantasy Football Commissioner
http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1

The keyword is not your friend

By now you've all noticed - during your frequent trips to the site to kill some time at work and/or watch "The Dark Knight" trailer for the 200th time - that various "Plot Keywords" are now listed along with a movie's summary information on IMDb. So by now you've also noted that the keywords associated with each film are often completely irrelevant and make about as much sense as a Freshman-year C++ lecture. I know you're going to take my word for it, but that's still not enough to stop me from providing the following examples, live off the floor.

The keywords are basically terrible across the board, but for the purposes of this exercise I just picked 5-6 movies that I'm almost positive everyone here has seen, so you can see how ridiculous it gets. The keywords listed after each movie title all appear on the movie's splash page, in the order presented here:


Pulp Fiction
Long Take | Muzzle | Homage | Taxicab | Garden Hose

Ah yes... all staples of the decade of crime cinema that followed.


Gladiator
No Opening Credits | Scene Based On Painting | Historical | Famous Score | Altered Version Of Studio Logo

There's a movie after the title and opening theme, in case you weren't sure.


Predator
Spanish Language Usage | Oldies | Disturbing | Necktie | Infrared Vision

"Rated R for Partial Nudity, Intense Violence and Strong Spanish".


The Goonies
Blender | Group Vomit | Lifting Person In Air | Bullet Hole | Toupee

I don't remember any of these things happening or being in Goonies. "Sloth", "Pirate Ship", "Panty Shot" - yes. These - no. Unless there's an alternate version that features Ermac from Mortal Kombat and Clasrk Griswold's dad from Christmas Vacation, directed by John Woo. Is there such a version?


Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Mangina | Gross Out Comedy | Landlord | Bullet Catching | Squirrel

Yes, on the site you can actually click on that first keyword and, I guess, find more movies that feature the same concept. I didn't.


Batman Begins
Threesome | Bra Less | Secretary | Monorail | Pearl Necklace

Aside from the fourth one, WHAT????


My Algonquin
Threesome | Bra Less | Secretary | Monorail | Pearl Necklace
or
Janitor Closet | Undead Pimp | Revisionist History | Steam Engine | Atrocity

Acknowledge my correctitude

Remember a while back when I surmised that the folks over at accuweather.com were phoning it on after the 7 day forecast?

Bow Down to the Superior Meteorology, Bitches! They've even come up with new ways to describe the greates weather on Earth, including 'Abundant Sunshine' and 'A Full Day of Sunshine'. And to add insult on top of injury, the weather gets more temperate as the Summer goes on. Shit, it's hotter here.

Yes, I am Mike Terry, and this message receives my approval.

An article about........HOT COKE!

Linky

Maybe video games should never become movies?

Because then this won't happen

House's most shocking case ever!

Scenes from Dr. Cuddy's striptease in the first part of the House Season 4 finale are now online, for those who missed it (some of you) or those who need to see it again (all of you). Start the thought-provoking retrospective journey HERE (linked through IMDb).

Probably not safe for work... unless you work for House.

CLICK HERE TO READ SOMETHING INTERESTING!

It's SFW.

The Bulls Finally Win Something...

At the beginning of last season, many experts would have given the Bulls a better chance of winning the East than winning the lottery. Kobe still wanted to come here, remember. We had been noodged out of the playoffs by the Pistons. We had a maturing team and some decent talent.

Well, the Bulls didn't win the East, and didn't even make the playoffs. But they did have a 1.7 percent chance to win the draft lottery, and they did it. So we get the first pick in the draft!

Normally, I would be happy, but this just seems to be a setup for another fuck up of monolithic proportions. Whoever the Bulls DON'T pick is going to be rookie of the year and MVP. Whoever we DO pick is going to be a self-centered overpayed jackass.

Of course, there are 10 empty spaces in the United Center where they could have put championship banners since the last one. But I guess they are just saving the space for when the Bulls "organization" wins a championship, instead of the Bulls basketball players.

Reading about the Bulls always makes me nostalgic, remembering how special basketball was back then. The Bulls were an unstoppable powerhouse who ran the triangle offense, and the Pacers were still ok too. Of course, everyone could agree to root against the Knicks. Jordan, Pippen, and Rodman could have punked out any team alone, but since they let the Bulls use 5 layers we always included a big gooby guy and a short white dude who could shoot the long ball.

Sigh....

The Woes of a San Diego Weather Man

Whenever I am wondering what the extended forecast is looking like I push Tom Skilling aside and go directly to accuweather.com. It's got a 15 day forecast, which is half a month for those of you not yet on the Gregorian calendar. Also, it is fun to see what kind of things people in other parts of the country and planet are going through weather wise.


Recently I was wondering what it was like out on the best coast. So I key in San Diego (woot!) and check it out. That's when I realize the weather man out there must be busy either fuckin his wife or fuckin someone else's wife, because he is really phoning it in.

Check it:

Well, it's kind of pixelated because I saved it as a .gif, but it is still good enough so that after 7 days you can still see an unobstructed orange/yellow ball that of course indicates a couple of possibilities. The first is "Sunshine." That is followed by "Sunny" and at one point "Abundant Sunshine." Obviously they are running out of words to describe some great fuckin' weather. And if you look closely at the temperature ranges they are all plus or minus two degrees from 70. How hard is that to forecast? I think after 7 days the forecaster just puts up a bunch of sunny shapes, thinks up a synonym for "Really Damn Sunny", and throws a dart at a board with the numbers 68-72 on it.

I am going to find out. In two weeks I will revisit the accuweather site and see if the forecast 7 days out has changed at all. I bet it looks really similar.

Why don't you like my movie, Hank?

Dear Hungry Hank,

I thought you were hungry. Hungry for action. Hungry for solid writing. Hungry for a character you could root for.

Instead I find out you are hungry for more Tim Allen.

Well, sorry to disappoint you. The fact is I killed Tim Allen and threw him in the river. Because no one has ever said on their deathbed "I wish I wouldn't have missed the season finale of Home Improvement." (Not even Tim Allen). So you see, there was a confrontation, but it would have been dishonorable to film what I did to him, much less distribute it to 100 movie screens across this great nation. That's why he disappeared halfway through the movie.

And then you inject yourself into the dynamics of my marriage. That kind of crosses the line. I didn't confront my wife because I was scared. Not of her mind you, but scared of my own raw animal power. I mean, I am a lethal weapon. Did you see what I did to that MMA dude? Fucked his shit right up is what I did. But what do you care...you wanted to see me confront Tim Allen and my wife. Yeah-THAT would have been a fair fight. Believe me, my wife is gonna pay, and pay in the worst way-CBC style. But I couldn't film that either without pushing the rating beyond an R. And I want people to see my film. Because despite what you say, it's good.

I'm Mike Terry and I approve this message.

Beer Brand Beer featured on House!

For those of you who didn't see it, last night's episode prominently featured a bottle of "BEER" brand beer, complete with a line of dialog where House refers to it as such. Sorry Dan, I'm not sure if you'll get the reference since I don't think you were there the time we all watched "Night of the Scarecrow".

If this doesn't do anything for you then another, better reason to watch it is for the Dr. Cuddy striptease. It was one of those trippy episodes with delusions, dreams and false memories, so they could do whatever they wanted. They chose... wisely.

This is only a test...

Yep I can still type. And on that note, I'm still studying for the CPA exam. Almost done. Any minute now I'll get my sense of humour back.

In the meantime I suggest you reminisce about Thanatos and his dark arts. SEGA CD OWNS YOU!

The Best of Year 3

Relive all the best of our "EP" year in the Fort! Perhaps we'll have a new "full-length" ready a year from now. Until then, snuggle up with your favorite Internet-capable device, turn out tha lights and close tha do'. But for what? These posts!

Wrap up of Dan's final undergraduate college experience: - this is the monolith on which fragments of Dan's legendary college deeds will be forever carved.

POSTING MADNESS! - this entry seems like the cousin of this one (which made the Best of Year 2).

iThink you are a big Pussy - Surge parries the cries of leading-edge dickheads with the digital equivalent of a punch to the solar plexus.

Stay Safe, Hank! - by getting the well-wishes out of the way in the post title, we clear a path to focus on the sweet, sweet mana of the comments.

Meat Market back at 60-75% power! - a late entry, but it was a lively affair and gets in thanks in large part to the strength of Ken's last sentence. A fitting end!

Honorable mentions:

A couple good sites to waste your time with.... - of particular note here are the time stamps on the comments... no time wasted there.

This looks interesting - the combined effect of the first two comments made me laugh.

This Has Been A Pretty Lame Apocalypse - I liked this post... could have been much bigger with some additions from the group, or even have become a regular column.

??? - this isn't from this year... or even from this Blog. What could it mean?? I didn't know then and I still don't now.


With that, I bid Year 3 fucking adieu... good night, and good luck in Year 4.

More Pictures of Obese women, please.

This time try to find one with a shorter shirt.

Theta Chi in the news again ...

I thought this little ARTICLE might be of interest. That it combines San Diego and Theta Chi is like the discovery of peanut butter and jelly. Enjoy.

The Biggest Travesty of Justice Since OJ

Year 3 post statistics

See all you were in Underground G.I. Joe Fort: Year 3. There were only 68 posts (not counting any Year 2 recap posts), even fewer than the total number of tacos Ken was able to eat in a Junior-year weekend. Here are the facts that define our shame:

Joshua Godblogger: 29 (43%)
Ken-do Stick: 17 (25%)
Ianvertebrate: 13 (19%)
Minimal Effort: 5 (7%)
Sabin the Hate Ape: 4 (6%)

These numbers look pretty much like they do every other year, except that Josh jumped on top of the two usual front-runners and administered a sound drubbing. Once again I barely stay out of the cellar and Dan forms the head... in reverse.

Year 4 is now upon us. We have no one to blame but ourselves if it isn't awesome. Rao The Conqueror... ...

Looks like one of us is trying to make it in the Legitimate Media

Check out DoubleH's and the gang's DVD reviews:


http://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/2008/apr/30/dune-planet-terror-deep-blue-sea/

Approved by the Film Actors Guild!

OK WTF

Is there a compelling reason why the head of the Film Actors Guild was starting back at me when I logged in this evening?

Meat Market back at 60-75% power!

This Wednesday - or possibly Friday - in the City of Perpetual Winter, three of us (the ones that live in or around said city) converge on a Brazilian steak-house. I said 60-75% since I couldn't remember how many dudes were a part of this thing full-time. All I know for sure is that Ken has announced his intent to take his marker and nail it to the table green-side up in the presence of a server. Tales and photos to come!

An Interesting thought, from the folks at Slate:

"Drop Out, Obama
By
Chris Wilson

Even as Hillary Clinton trails Barack Obama in pledged delegates, the popular vote, and number of states won, she has made it clear that she plans to stay in the race for the nomination. All of which brings me to this logical conclusion: It is time for Barack Obama to drop out.

If Clinton had the good of the Democratic Party in mind, she would have given up her bid the day after the Mississippi primary, which Obama won by 25 points. The delegate math was as dismal for her campaign then as it is now, even after Pennsylvania, and she was facing down a six-week gulf before the next election.

But Hillary Clinton isn’t going to drop out. There simply isn’t a function in her assembly code for throwing in the towel.

Obama, on the other hand, is fully capable of it. And if he’s really serious about representing a new kind of politics, now is the time for him to prove it in the only meaningful way left. Moreover, were he to play it right, dropping out now nearly guarantees that he’ll be elected president in 2012. Here’s the roadmap:

Obama drops out next week, stating that although he could almost certainly win the nomination by fighting it out until the convention in August, he is simply not willing to drag the party through a battle that will cripple its chances against John McCain. He then pledges to help support Sen. Clinton in her bid—with full knowledge that she will not take him up on the offer.
In one stroke, Obama will regain his messiah creds by making the ultimate sacrifice for the good of the party. His followers will be furious. The mere mention of Clinton’s name will provoke unspeakable acts. They will abandon Clinton in numbers sufficient to hand McCain the election in November.

Losing the presidency again after eight years of Bush will ruin the Democratic Party. It will become obvious that Clinton’s decision to stay in the race was the turning point in the election. The base will turn its wrath on party leaders like Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi, who failed to push Clinton out. Obama, as the de facto head of the party, will broker negotiations to install new leaders loyal to him.

McCain will be eminently more beatable in 2012. Demographics will continue to shift in Obama’s favor as his 14- to 17-year-old supporters come of voting age. Anyone foolish enough to challenge Obama for the nomination—and don’t rule out Clinton—will go nowhere. Obama’s utopian vision for a Democratic party unified around him will be complete. QED. "

This of course assumes McCain lives to fulfill his entire 1st term.

EARTQUAKE HITS MIDWEST

At 4:30 this morning the midwest got pounded by an earthquake. Don't know if you felt it....I was awake and my building shook a little. It was weird.

Happy Birthday Kevin!

I don't have anything clever to say ... the post's title says it all.


{edit: image added by General Anacock}

Actual Item

Yes, I believe this IS a real product.

Uwe can be stopped!

---

According to JoBlo.com, Mr. Boll has said that if a million signatures are collected, he'd stop making films. Currently, there are almost 100,000 signatures, do your part!

SIGN THE PETITION

---

This is what should happen to Uwe Boll if he doesn't agree to quit.

Unhand me you damn, dirty pall bearers!

Charlton Heston Bites It

San Diego officially has 31 Flavors...

...and all of them taste like Ian! Happy 31st to a dude who, like The Undertaker, has never lost at WrestleMania! I thought it would be a cool present if we shipped you a full suit of armor for your birthday, but I just thought of that right now as I typed it and it's probably too late to get it shipped. Hope it was a good one anyway!

[above file photo taken from actual video footage of subject rampaging through San Diego County during last year's wildfires.]

Sorry, Dr. Freim

I hope there's nobody taking a physics 101 test today....(credit wwe.com)

CHINESE DEMOCRACY?!?

Dr. Pepper is offering everyone in America a free Dr. Pepper if Chinese Democracy ships in 2008.

See also:
http://pressreleasetosaveworld.blogspot.com/

The NEW Desktop Tower Defense

We gotta get this guy on UHS.

-------- All hail the king of Crayon! -----









This message brought to you by California voters for Schwarzenegger and the color purple.

March Slight Hysteria!

Hey, I set up a league on Yahoo for the March Madness Brackets.

http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/

Group ID is 136710
password is BASKETBALL!

Feel free to invite others.

No money is involved, but I'm willing to set a Taco Bell side bet.

I didn't know you could put this on a credit card.

The Most Sexist Thing you'll read today!

I am a chauvanist.

Think about that. What connotation does that word have? It is probably not very positive. Just my saying that probably makes you want to distance yourself from me. But I am not a reason abandoning "All Women can take a hike" chavanist. More like a "I'm just one person trying to make it in a complicated world and fair should be fair" chauvanist.

Now when a woman says "I am a feminist" it is greeted with approval. If a woman says "Life is hard for women" everybody nods their heads. If you say "Boy it's tough being a man" you are expected to be holding a mic and standing in a spotlight in front of a fake brick wall while the people watching you cruise past a 2 drink minimum.

Guess what? Life is hard for EVERYBODY. For every ovarian cancer you have a prostate tumor. The phrase "Shit happens" is gender neutral.

But for every gender neutral phrase, we have a gender unbalanced statistic. Women like to quote the belief that women on average make 75 cents on every dollar for a man. They will throw that shit in a man's face all day. Well get this: Since starting college I've worked for 7 different employers. In EVERY SINGLE ONE there was a woman who made more money than I did. In all but one of those, a woman was the head of their respected division. In a majority there were also women supervisors. In my current job the VP, the department manager and the three supervisors are all female. So I am not seeing a glass ceiling, and if you as woman are bumping into it, it must be because you are standing on my broad, virile shoulders.

Now prepare to have your sacred stat debunked because it does not consider that women usually take themselves out of the workforce after having children. So those females average zero on earnings. They are Blue from "Old School" --dragging down the average of other productive members of their group. The only time a man takes himself out of the workforce is if he is crippled, dead, retired, or if he divorced Britney Spears.

I believe that men sold the farm. And they did it for that resources they can't provide for themselves: heaving bosoms, a round ass you can balance a can of beer on, and some sweet potato pie. Well, I don't have any of those, I am no position to get any of those and that puts me in a unique position to tell the truth. Sp even if you can't agree with me in public lest you lose your hook-up, use the anonymous power of the internet to give me a thumbs up while you mumble "bros before hos" under your breath.

Happy Valentine's Day, honey!

This is an ad that appeared in a local flyer... one of those junk mail inserts you get, that has coupons for area businesses. I happened upon this and decided to scan it. The caption has not been altered in any way.

This Has Been A Pretty Lame Apocalypse

I mean sure, there was the flood in New Orleans, the fires in California, the Tsunami in some Asian country I could care less about (but Angelina Jolie does to keep her endless supply line of children in tact), but this Apocalypse really hasn't been that impressive.

Sure there's the housing market collapse, the war in the Middle East, the writer's strike, the choice of either Obama, Clinton, or McCain as President, the failure of Steven Colbert to gain a nomination - but really, is this all Mother Nature's got?!?

I guess we all just got spoiled by those scary stories in the Bible with first born dying and rivers flowing with blood - plagues, disease. Instead we get some killer bees that got lost somewhere on the way to North America, some cicadas that forget to actually come up (most likely because their larvae were destroyed building another Walgreens), and some 98 year old man winning an Oscar and ranting on for 15 minutes about how he had breakfast at Denny's and his toast was too soft and the waitress could have been nicer and shown respect for a veteran of foreign wars.

Seriously, if this Apocalypse is going to be any good at all, we need some more ACTION, suspense, and blood! How bout some real Mad Max shit!! How about some evil corporation (I'm looking at you Apple!) building a highly advanced computer system that becomes self aware and starts implanting iPods onto every living being, taking over their minds and distracting them from..........

......aw shit....

Lebowskifest 2008

Instead of Vegas, why not LOUISVILLE!?!?!

An Open Letter To Old Man Winter

Dear Old Man Winter-

Fuck You. And the Canadian air mass you rode in on.

Disrespectfully,

Josh


PS-I am sorry. That may have sounded rude, and I was raised better than to speak that way to my elders. But come on, dude. We appreciate it when you show up on Christmas and bring snow and what have you along. It's charming. But the fact is, it's past Valentine's Day and your still parked on our couch. The party ended a long time ago, and you keep hanging out showing us the same old dusting of snow and bitter fucking cold routines. Now the charm has changed past being annoying to making me apoplectic. I'd like to go outside and not require a scarf or long underwear. Please...one day in the fucking 30's is all I am asking for here. It's still wintery, just not HARDCORE wintery, right.

Also, just so you know I am getting my Uncle Spring on the phone. He'll be here in a couple of weeks to kick your frozen fucking skull in. Suck it.

Quitting Smoking

Well, I seem to have accomplished the impossible...I have managed to go 6 weeks without a cigarette. And although I don't consider myself out of the woods just yet, I think it is a noteworthy accomplishment that hopefully I can stick with.

Here is my advice to smokers looking to quit: DON'T DO IT! KEEP SMOKING! You'll be much happier right up until the point where you need to sneak a puff inside your oxygen tent. Then you'll be dead, and you'll have escaped the pain of withdrawal completely.

Because buddy, I have to tell you...quitting smoking sucks.

The first two days are bad enough--you are edgy and your emotions are all over the place. You'll get headaches. Sometimes you'll feel a little dizzy.

We're just getting warmed up. EVERYTHING will piss you off. Seriously, if Gisele and Fergie got in a fight over your dick, you'd be upset that there isn't enough hair pulling/open handed slapping/clothes rending going on. Then when things settled down you are gonna be pissed that they stopped. You will kick a hole in something or someone.

Okay, now after about a week of this the physical changes kick in. Your lungs swell up like a couple of blimps as they start to reject the years of tar and phlegm which you have caked them with. You become a human loogie farmer, horking your yellow crop across sidewalks wherever you go. And the cough. The cough is bad. Sometimes you'll cough up something solid and accidentally chew on it. Whoops. And forget about sleeping regularly.

Then comes the quitter's flu. This is the absolute worst, because after about a week and a half of feeling like crap, you learn what crap feels like when it says it feels like crap. Your temperature is going to soar into the low 100's, nothing will stay down, and you will not stop coughing because there is 1 piece of something dangling in your lung that won't come loose. "Maybe if I keep coughing it will break free" you'll think. But it won't. It is going to annoy you for another 2 weeks. In the meantime, you'll have fever dreams where Peter Stourmare is chasing you down in a golf cart, trying to steal your 1-Up Mushroom.

If you make through all this, the worst is over, although you'll continue to have good days and bad days. Well mostly bad days. I think a part of you will always want to go back to flavor country. At those times you'll have to catch yourself and say "Well at least I don't have to go stand outside in 4 degree weather."

In any case, I wish you the best.

And now for the inexplicable...

Where have I been? Studying for the CPA still, married, changing jobs, helping my wife change jobs, living life and masturbating to metallica in my basement with a blacklight while freebasing everclear.

And now the inexplicable...please click here

It's not me in the robe but if I said it was me, would you believe me?

Sound is required and its not exactly safe for work. No nudity or anything just, well, nevermind.

You may know where I live ...

But I know how to defend my desktop! Check out this little free webgame that's wasted almost more of my life than my third wife ... You can post high scores to a group so we can compare our skillz ... I've started the group "King of the Ring" (don't enter quote marks).

It's simple but it's time consuming (and the 10,000 gold - 100 level challenge is FUCKING impossible ... I've gotten to level 83 or so).

I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! Love, swimfan

ZabaSearch

This site is creepy accurate. It can basically bring up everywhere you've lived, phone numbers, and sometimes birth month and year. I was able to find all you guys - I may even have found H.O.G.!

Funny or Lame ...

Well, in deciding to google my psuedonym, I got this ...

VEGAS 2!

It's in the mix...don't make any plans for February. Except plans to go to Vegas.

Not safe for work ... or home ... or your children

Wii indeed.

Another Legitimate Yellow Pages Ad

SO I am skimming the Yellow Pages in Arlington, TX today and I happen upon this ad...

J. GILLIGAN'S BAR & GRILL! See you there, Lenny, Penny, Denny, Kenny!

Who Better Than Kanyon?!?

This shirt is excellent

Santa Claus is coming!

Who does this describe?

From ESPN.COM:

This looks interesting

The REAL Super 2 !

DIY.DESPAIR.COM

PSYCHIC POWERS!

So some lady hopped on my elevator at work today. She proceeded to press the wrong button, then corrected herself. "Wouldn't it be odd if when we stopped at the wrong floor, there was someone waiting to go up?" I thought to myself. Then it happened! I have a psychic gift. How should I use this power? I know--I will use it to review movies before they come out--thereby cornering the market on movie reviews. Mine will always be first.

For example--Will Farrell--in his new movie he will be playing some random sport. He will portray himself as an ignorant ass. He will often comment on how sexy he is even though he isn't sexy at all. At one point he will talk continuously in a loud, overbearing monotone voice. He will pretend to cry at least once. Teens and twentysomethings will gobble this stuff up like corn flakes.

I will also use my powers to predict YOUR futures--

Ken- At some point this season you will play QB for the Bears. Good job leading us to a victory over the Packers.
Kevin-You will find some way to win our fantasy football league. Then thinking yourself lucky you will purchase a scratch off lottery ticket. You will only match 2 like amounts, making the ticket a bust since you need to match 3.
Ian-You will steal a namplate off a Prius and attach it to the back of your car in order to use the Carpool lanes.
Dan-You will not read this until December, at the earliest.


There you go.

More reasons to want Japanese TV

Speed Walking can be dangerous.

Magic is creepier in skimpy swimwear ... moreso 'cause it's a dude (best part is at the 3 minute mark but it's all Nippon goodness)

LinkedIn.com = Satan's Workshop?

I received a request from a coworker to join my LinkedIn.com network. That's not unusual. What was unusual was the brazen anti-Christian sentiment from LinkedIn's invitation:

All Hallows Eve is nigh upon us ...

Just thought I'd bring back a bit of the past with this one ... I'll be at a wedding (in full costume since I escaped being a groomsman) ... anyone else have interesting plans?

Of course, one of the best things about this picture is how much it looks photoshopped ... even though it's the real deal. That and how Kevin's costume seems to be a complete void, into which no good can escape and all evil dwells.

I must have been a werewolf on a new moon that night ... or an incredibly calm Hulk ... or your mom after the operation ... I had a good run of non-costume costumes for a while. Man, am I lazy! If a good picture results from this Halloween, I'll post it ... otherwise just imagine a half-Asian man in ... wait, I don't want to spoil it ... stay tuned ... maybe I'll post something else later in the week ... or maybe I'll pull a Rod O' Ruin and forget this post ever happened ... one never knows (though he looks like a date rapist - now there's a non-costume costume I can really get behind ... so to speak.)

And now for something completely different ...

Since the fires are so boring now, I perused the Internet to see if it was worth putting "captivity" on my netflix list and checked out some of the message board on IMDb ... the following picture is probably the funniest response I've ever seen on the IMDb message boards ...

Thank You For Your Support :)

I appreciate the couch offer ... I really hope I don't need it and I suppose if any of you pray to Yahweh or Allah, we could use some divine intervention to get the wind to stop so they can do some airdrops and actually start containing this fire.

To get you up to date since I'm sure my info is more current (and it's on all the channels instead of any regular programming ... NBC is reairing Monday night primetime on Sunday for us), the current count of evacuated residents in San Diego is 300,000 and as of this morning there were at least 1,000 homes and another 100 commercial properties burned down.

I just heard an updated California wide count (LA and San Diego basically) and it's at 500,000 people evacuated and 200,000 acres burned. The Witch Creek fire (denoted in one of the pics below) alone is at 145,000 acres.

The fires have encircled San Diego, from Fallbrook/Ramona to the north to the mountains east (and a little fire started about 5 miles east of me near Tierrasanta) and there's a big fire that started near the Mexico border and is coming north towards Chula Vista and Spring Valley that they say is getting close to a housing development of like 2500 homes. (that damn wall we built keeps it away from Mexico :). The thing that's really creepy is that they've done mandatory and voluntary evacuations from Fallbrook/Poway all the way due west to the ocean ... The OCEAN.

I guess this is the almighty punishing us for not getting rid of the Chargers yet.

Anywho, here are some pictures of what things look like ... if the weather cooperates, I'm sure everything will come under control in the next few days ... if it continues to act like a bitch, then I might start packing up a few things and hope that I can get through one of the fires since they've closed certain freeways and maybe I'll live in Chicago and just dodge blizzards for a while. :)

Stay Safe, Hank!

Right now EN is waking up to this:

Stay safe, buddy! There is a flame retardant couch here for you if you need it!

User Hostile Construction?

Not a joke. An Actual Yellowpages ad in Texas.

While you are wasting time.....

Here is my Entry into the Video Love-Fest!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg6bZSM48vU

I want to be like Ken!

Well it's not quite the hunger but I figured I need to start adding my own bands to the list. Some of you may have already seen this on Family Guy, but I think its worth making sure we take a minute out of ourlives to waste a bit more time.

CTA DOOMSDAY EDGES CLOSER

Maybe you own a new car. Maybe it's the car of the future that runs off magic. Well, if you are that person I envy you. Because if I want to go anywhere of note, I have to take the CTA.

Now you may remember I blogged on how I went to a CTA meeting a while back, and it turned out to be pretty much everything the Onion said it would be (see link). But despite all the inanity of that meeting, I never really thought that Illinois politicians would have enough balls to anger every single voter who takes the CTA, Metra, and Pace. In fact, I smiled as I thought about it...if the CTA went offline what would happen to Chicago's economy? I was able to laugh at this scenario because I was positive they would work something out to delay a fare increase and service decrease and avoid screwing over the working man. To do otherwise would be political suicide...right?

But now Governor Blagojevich, Emil Jones, Mayor Daley, the Madigans and anyone else in charge is preparing to "Deer Hunter" themselves. I just don't understand why.

The Gov says he is opposed to raising taxes on working people. Hey Numbnuts-Maybe you didn't realize this but working people--the same working people IN CHICAGO who overwhelmingly elected you two times--are still gonna lose that money when fares go up. Probably more than the .05% they'd spend on a sales tax that would remedy the problem. This proves that a skeevy politician can't save you from skeevy politicians.

Tom Cross, Some dickhead representative from Oswego says he wouldn't approve the measure unless the legislature approved more money for the roads in his district to relieve traffic congestion. Guess what duder? You better tack on another hour to your commute--because of you it is now cheaper to drive than it is to take the train. So all those people who took Metra are gonna be sitting ahead of you in traffic. E-A-D!

Also, I hope you enjoy polishing up your resume. Hopefully you'll need to after the first Tuesday in November.

iThink you are a big Pussy

Recently news broke that Apple is going to reduce the price of the 8GB iPhone to only $399. Now a bunch of people are pissed because they paid $600 for it--and get this--they want their $200 back!

Now if I am Steve Jobs this is the part where I make the customer kiss my iAss.

See, back in the middle of the summer when this thing came out people couldn't wait to pay $600. Hell, there are people who would have paid two or three times that. And when they got one I bet it was worth every goddamn ipenny to their self-centered pretentious asses. The truth of the matter is, people would STILL be paying $600 for one if the price wasn't reduced and they'd be happy about it. The consumer's made the decision that having the newest gizmo was more important than having $600...knowing full well the price would eventually drop.

Now that it has they have no right to be upset. Sometimes you eat a shit sandwich with no napkin, assholes, and this is one of those times when you saddle up to the counter and dig on in.

"No, PowerSurgeon, you are wrong!" You disagree? Well, then I am sure you are going to do your damndest to get me back all the money I spent on this:

That's right. The original 6 Switch Atari 2600, complete with 2 joystick controllers, a TV switch, 2 paddles, and COMBAT. I spent well over $200 of my parent's money on this when it debuted in 1977 and I still have the welts my folks peppered on my ass to prove it. Now, you can get this at a garage sale for $5, IF the owner is the King of all Hagglers. Just today on the street I saw somebody try to give a homeless guy a copy of COMBAT and the homeless guy wouldn't even wipe his bottom with it. Seriously, How was I supposed to know the price was going to drop through the floor?

Shut up you pretentious dickheads, and enjoy your silly little device.

Happy Birthday Surge!

Know what time it is?
It's your birthday, boyyyyeee!